Never had a complement from DH

[louise5754]

I've been reading a couple of posts where men they'll the woman she's his world, he's never felt like this before, he can't stop thinking of them, spoils them, treats them like a princess, says they can't wait for her to be the mother of their kids, they are soul mates/ best friends, he adores her, plans day nights, have amazing holidays etc.

I've never had this once. When he's home we don't even sit in the same room. I can't think of anything he's said or done to make me feel special.

I thought that was normal but now I feel miserable. I'm having a hard time with my mental health too so I'm probably feeling sorry for myself x

I don't understand how you could have gone on to marry someone who you claim has never given you affection or compliments. :o

sorry meant face*

We have a thing in our house where we say it's nice to be nice.
Can you chat to him and agree to do or say one nice thing to each other every day and see how that goes?

Could you both be a bit stuck in a rut with children and things? How about arranging a babysitter and going out for a meal - maybe getting out of the daily routine and doing something different would help?

You 'didn't have that wanting to be together' feeling but you still got married and have children......?

I don't get it OP

I also don't get why you stay together because it doesn't sound like either of you bring anything to the table. It actually sounds an awful lot like an arranged marriage, because that's basically what happened here.

How is your sex life? Do you do anything together? Is he good in other ways, hands on around the house, practical gestures of love rather than romantic gestures?

Have you talked to him about this? What did he say?

If you both dont pull it together the end is going to come

He doesn't talk about feelings. I'm a very emotional person. I've not seen him cry once. Yet I'm cry most days 😩

How would your life improve if you lived separately all of the time? It sounds as though you'd be a lot happier. How would your children feel?

I think when someone walks like that, despite reminders, it is really saying they don't want to walk with you. He doesn't want your company. Would he object to a separation?

I don’t get how it got going in the beginning . Who arranged the dates ? Was either of you the keen one? I don’t understand why you would go for the third date after not fancying and how you’d decide to marry if the other person didn’t discuss feelings. Did he get to the ‘ I love you stage?’ I’m emotional and cry easily too. I once had a ‘boyfriend ‘ in my twenties who couldnt do intimacy, wouldn’t want to cuddle in bed or say anything nice - I hated but stuck around for months , but I always felt something was wrong as I need affection. It sounds like you didn’t express feelings either. or did you try ?

Sorry OP but this really doesn’t sound like a normal, healthy relationship. You sound very unhappy. I think you need to see a counsellor, perhaps one that specialises in marriage - maybe you could see someone together?

Why are you still with him if the relationship makes you so unhappy?

Yet I'm cry most days

That is not normal. Were you like this before this relationship?

You really don't need to stay with someone who doesn't want to spend time with or talk to you. If it's not making you happy, you can leave.

Having said that, I think you should tell him how you feel first and make it clear that it could mean the end of the relationship if things stay as they are. Go to couples counselling if he finds it hard to discuss feelings.

But don't just keep going as it is.

"When he's home we don't even sit in the same room."

That seems like a bigger problem then a lack of compliments.

My dh has a brother that they have very little to do with each other. They haven't fallen out or anything like that. They never speak on the phone, don't meet up, don't acknowledge Christmas,birthdays etc.
However due to a health scare of their elderly mother , the two brothers spent a few days together and therefore so did I and his oh. I've only met her once before ( at a funeral ) in the 15/20 years that we have been married to the brothers. We got on well and chatted to each other often comparing our husband's and finding they are very alike.
I reason why I've said all that is she told me that he had been diagnosed a few years ago as mildly autistic. It was a bit of a light bulb moment for me as my dh is not into people, crowds, certain clothes, social niceties, complements etc etc. Could this be your husband also ?

Google love languages. Everyone expresses love differently.

• communication (praise etc)
• acts of service (jobs)
• time (time spent together)
• gifts
• tough -“(affection)

Your hubby may be expressing his love in another form

Sorry the last one should be touch not tough

The love languages thing is interesting. My husband and I don’t often give each other compliments although we tell each other we love one another. I think we express our love through touch and time. We are very affectionate and make an effort to spend to together as family, with friends and just the two of us.

Hi. I do have counselling for anxiety and I have aspergers. He has adhd but I think maybe autism but there is no way he would see a doctor.