To need a good dose of reality - I bloody hate working

[JustAboutGettingBy]

Happy to be moaned at here I know IABU.

I hate working. I have a 15mo and have been back to work 3 months. I hate leaving my son..not in crying blubbering way but in a resentful angry way. I want to be home with him.

I have a good job i.e no immediate issues other than its not my dream job by any stretch. I find it utterly pointless and get pissed off at the stupid meaningless things I have to do when I want to be home watching my son develop. I earn a good (not rich by any means) salary working 3 days and am the 'breadwinner' so we just cannot afford to pack it in. In an ideal world I would work in retail on a shopfloor somewhere (a supermarket, ikea any thing). I did when I was at uni and I loved it as I could clock in, do a good job whilst meeting and chating with customers then clock out without the endless emails and crap that come with my job after I leave. The reality is I just cannot afford it.

I know I am lucky to only work 3 days. I really do. But I bloody hate it.

I am literally sat here working out how to put money aside to ttc #2. But I know I am literally not thinking straight.

Please talk some sense in to me

Maybe you don't hate working as much as you hate the type of job. Perhaps you need to find a role more public facing? I much prefer public facing jobs too. What are your skills? And if you don't mind sharing where you are and an approximate salary band I am sure lots of clever MNers could suggest something more stimulating.

All I can say is it gets better!

I am the same. I remember being back at work after DC1 and doing some inane to me (but vital to my corporate existence) type work, and thinking ‘this is so unimportant’. I’m afraid for me the worst bit is what I call the ‘corporate bollocks’ stuff. Work-speak, pointless meetings where you are expected to be passionate and ‘driven’ - the reality is I am there to pay the bills and so is everyone else!

When I am at home everything is so much less stressful. The house and the kids (now much older) are organised and we eat better as I have more time. I am a nicer person.

The difference as they get older is that it’s less about ‘seeing them develop’ and more about how the pieces fit together.

I work FT now but when I was 3 days I would just repeat ‘I am here less than I am at home’ quite a lot!!!

But if you work 3 days, that means you have 4 days to spend with your son. Make the most of that time.

Also, if you earn a good salary, it's likely that to switch to low paid retail work, you'd either need to take a big step down in lifestyle or work even more hours to make ends meet.

Can you/do you buy in help so you're not spending time at home doing things other than being with your DS? Does your partner do his share of the shitwork at home?

I hate it too. I try and win the lottery several times a week. No luck so far. I am only 35 so years and years of this shit to go. I have asked to drop a day and they won't let me.

I think the absolute vast majority of people hate working.

That's a really hard age for working - I found that you really only got the hard bits on work days. It was just a slog.
Make sure you're doing nice (but low effort) things on your days off. Coffee in a play place, swimming class, whatever you enjoy.

I felt the same and was lucky enough to be at SAHM after no 2 for over a decade and 3 more DC. However, lovely as it is being home and I have no regrets, there is also the constant worry about career and what would happen if my marriage failed. In addition feeling lowered self esteem. I worried that if marriage broke down I would be forced into long hour minimum wage jobs and see less of DC.

So once they were all at school I have retrained in a professional job and I will be then working PT hopefully.

Just food for thought that whatever you do there is always good and bad.

I dont think we can afford to get any help to free up my time at home no. Not without making large sacrifices.

Me and DH have agreed we would like to ttc but now I want it now and in part I do think its related to not wanting to be at worl which is totally ridiculous as leaving them would be 100x harder.

I am being a brat I know.

What job do you do OP? I feel the same sometimes. I used to condense my 34 hours over 3 days and had 4 days with my son, which I thought was lucky. I hated the job though, no promotion prospects and working client facing in a challenging environment where I was being verbally abused quite often, sometimes physically, and the role wasn't mentally challenging. I Now have #2 on the way and work 5 days a week in a corporate environment, which is busy, but I'm treated with respect which is great. I do find it hard fitting everything in working full time 5 days a week, and realise I was quite lucky before to be with my son 4 days a week. I wouldn't go back to my old job though because I wouldn't do that job again, and unfortunately I still have to return FT to my current role after mat leave.

If you're only working 3 days a week, i don't think it's working, I think it's the job you're doing. Have a look on some career sites and see what options you have. I must admit, I'm a bit bored in my current role, so might be looking for a change when I return from mat leave, although something familiar when I return might be a blessing! You can get treated badly in customer facing roles and can be worked quite hard. My family work in retail and there are a lot of egos and they don't get treated very well. It's not as great as it sounds and the pay isn't great.

I am a manager for a large scientific company. I have a science degree so it sounds good but its not really in the right sector. I just feel out of my depth alot which is odd because I am not. I just have little passion and clock watch all the time.
I do want to ttc 2 but I am scared the problems wont go away and appreciate it will be 10x harder.

I am sure you’re not being unreasonable and I’ve never been through what you’re going through because I gave up work in 2000 when DD1 was born BUT, if I could have my time again I would do things differently- even though I absolutely loved being home with her.
I decimated my career which was going well. I didn’t try to re-enter the workforce until 2008 when DD2 was 3. It was the start of an economic downturn and it was actually late 2011 before I found a decent, flexible role with an employer prepared to take a punt on someone who’d been out of the workplace for so long.
That job came to an end in 2016 and a house move and a total lack of confidence and a patchy CV (& some more poor decision making on my part) means that I haven’t worked since and I feel frightened to try and washed-up & useless for not trying.
Equally, I have a happy marriage, a wonderful DH, & we manage fine on his salary these days (but it was hard when dds were younger). But what if he had left us. I would have been screwed. I wouldn’t advise my dds to do what I did and I think maintaining your career is important for so many reasons. My 2 are 18 & 13 now. They’ll be gone soon and I’ve a lot of life left to fill. Please keep a toehold on a decent career. It’s hard now but I swear one day you’ll be glad you did.

I know exactly how you feel. I also only work 3 days a week and need the money to pay the bills. I used to love working in a shop. Talking to the customers, chatting to people all day, always on the go, solving problems, using my initiative.

OP it sounds to me like you hate your job rather than actually working. As a PP has said, you could try to find one in retail (what you'd like to do) but this might be at a lower salary and you'd maybe have to work 5 days rather than 3. However if you love it then that might not be an issue. Maybe contact a few agencies asking what they could offer someone with your skills. Best of luck x

With a science background you could look at getting into medical communications or publishing. You would still be using your scientific knowledge but it is a desk job and tends to be more flexible around childcare than lab-based jobs (assuming that that is what you do now).

Thanks all. My job is very supportive for having children. I currently work 8-4pm. Its just my 'days off' there is an element of checking in on my team. I am not lab based its office based 100% I guess because it ticks so many boxes except the enjoyment factor I feel totally trapped. I sound ridiculous I know as alot of people would be so grateful. I am trying to push through it as I know DH feels if he earned more I would be a SAHM. But mentally I feel sapped. I am overjoyed at even the thought of another baby and I think trying to get a new job before then would probably add more pressure? I am 33 so it would set me back by maybe a year..

I felt the same on returning to work after my first child. I absolutely hated it, thought it was all so pointess and just wanted to be with my child.
As it happened the choice got made for me whilst pregnant with 2nd child as we all got made redundant. I was able to stay off work living off my redundancy. It was great.
But now my kids are both in school and I am very lonely and isolated. Been out of work for 7 years and no work experience. No confidence anymore, scared to return to work.

Your situation of a 3 day week sounds absolutely ideal and I would keep it that way xx

I do want to ttc 2 but I am scared the problems wont go away and appreciate it will be 10x harder.

Not necessarily. Having 2 under 3 at home was the hardest thing I've ever done. Going back to work would have been a breeze (I didn't in the end as it would have cost us money rather than making it).

I was let go on ill health grounds four years ago due to chronic, debilitating and incurable illness triggered by having DS twelve years ago.

I miss my job, I miss my colleagues, I miss buying nice work clothes, I miss using my brain, I even miss getting stressed out when I was stupidly busy.

I hate being at home all day, I read, I’ve done OU courses, I sleep (a lot) due to my meds.

I’d give anything to go back to FT work.

Is there an option for a sideways move within your company to a more fufilling role? Or could you look for a FT job elsewhere that suits you better? Does your DH work PT or FT? Does he want more time at home or is he happy where he is or wanting a better paid job.

As far as TTC goes if you can afford it go for it, and stay where you are workwise for the security and flexibility. Then the kids are reasonably close in age and when they start getting a bit easier you can look for another job.

I think the absolute vast majority of people hate working.

Do you think so? It'd be interesting to get a good spread of views. If it's true, then I think it's a bit sad

I love working: absolutely bloody LOVE it. I hope there are lots more who enjoy their work, too.

DH enjoys his job but is underpaid or should I say is overdue a promotion. But tbh even if the promotion comes it wont be enough to cover all our expenses.

@Mulberry72 I am very sorry for what you have been through

I dont underestimate how hard it would be with 2 children btw. I just feel more fulfilled as a mum I think

there's another thread going about hating work - it's not just you!

I don't even have DC and taking redundancy has been great - dreading going back.

hope you can find something that works for you