To convince myself I’m really ill?

[EyebagsOnLegs]

I have anxiety, we’ll start with that. It keeps me up at night for one reason or another.
Since falling pregnant 18m ago (and giving up smoking!) I’ve been really really breathless which makes me light headed. Not even with exertion, even talking or singing to baby. I spoke to the doctor who prescribed a new inhaler (I have asthma) but I don’t know how to use a bloody turbuhaler nothing comes out! Spoke to the nurse who did a COPD test which said it’s not that. Not asthma because there’s no wheeze. I had 2 24hr ECGs during pregnancy and my heart is fine. All bloods fine. Nurse was slightly concerned and confused, gave me an x ray from in September to do ASAP.

The thing is. Not long before Christmas whilst I was pregnant I stayed with my beloved great aunt in hospital as she had bad legs for so long but was otherwise so healthy for 83. I pushed for an MRI as they were delaying it, and I was with her when the doctor came round to tell us she had cancer. Everywhere. They couldn’t even start to treat it, but although they couldn’t be certain they said she should have a year. She died within a week.

Since then I’ve been constantly paranoid that me or someone close will suddenly die. It’s even worse since having baby (not PND) but I already have a 10yo as well. I’m terrified that I have cancer and I’m too scared to have my x ray.

I have asthma, epilepsy, scoliosis, and severe leg length discrepancy, yet I’ve never been scared of a test before (and I’ve had lots!). I’m currently awaiting rheumatology to see if I have fibromyalgia too, and I’m not sure if that could cause this.

Sorry for the essay I’m just sat here in the dark trying not to cry, whilst everyone else sleeps around me and I know I’ve got school runs to do in the morning so waking up will be a bitch.

Thanks if you made it this far without falling asleep yourself 😆

So your bloods are fine. It’s not asthma, copd. Lightheaded, breathless - if I was your gp I would be thinking anxiety is the main cause of your physical symptoms. Are you on medication for anxiety?

Sorry didn’t read that properly- half asleep. Would propanol help? What is it about the x ray that makes you anxious?

Did they check thyroid OP?

Sorry you feel so bad. It will have been a shock for you and the family to discover your aunts cancer and you also suffer from a variety of ailments yourself.
I really think you need to talk to your GP about your fears.
You mentioned anxiety and that can cause a whole host of issues.
Fear can potentially save our lives or become a handicap. It all depends on how you face it.
Right now, sleep is important. You’ve got to get up and sort your dc out.
Snuggle up, try to sleep and make a doctors appointment.
I hope you feel stronger soon x

I think they did check thyroid as it was a full blood screen. I’m scared that if I have the x ray they’ll find out I have a life threatening illness and there’s “power in knowing” as of how quickly my aunt deteriorated after the diagnosis. I know it’s irrational.

The anxiety comes along in patches, usually at night in the quiet when everyone is asleep. It’s not enough to make me breathless every second of every day and I’m not medicated as it made me feel worse before.

I’ve always longed for a good night’s sleep but even with medication I just can’t, it’s like I’m wired wrong.

Thank you all for your help though it’s made me feel more at ease to speak out loud. DH just days “go get it done then” like yeah 🤔 didn’t think of that. Hoping they’ll let me take DS2 in with me tomorrow (behind the safe screen of course)

Anxiety can cause breathing issues and will be rampant because of what you went through.

Fibro can sometimes affect breathing, just in the sense that I can feel weak everywhere, all through me, to the point that breathing feels heavy and hard to doodle.

Not all asthmatics wheeze, if you have an inhaler you can't use properly it isn't going to help did the nurse help you with the technique?

Er, do? Not doodle

@Bovril that sounds relatable, where even just being is enough to cause extreme fatigue. I worry I’m gonna pass out and my legs give way a lot but that could be musculoskeletal.

As for the inhaler I can’t feel anything coming out but the label said I won’t taste anything and it’s a small dose. I’m taking to the pharmacist tomorrow

Just to add, health anxiety is a real thing and you're not alone in that. Do you have a sympathetic GP?

Go back to gp and/or get a 2nd opinion if still breathless and/or light-headed. It could be anxiety but it could be other conditions.

I was diagnosed with panic attacks and anxiety, turned out to be b12 deficiency which they don’t always test for, have you had this test? It’s a simple blood one

I do think it’s just because of how quickly things went badly with my aunt that’s sparked everything and it’s not that long ago it’s just been a year.

I don’t know about b12 deficiency but I’ve taken b12 prescribed for about 10 years so it’s got to be unlikely.

I’ve had doctors and nurses check my chest and breathing many times nobody can say what they think it is which is why I need the x ray

I have asthma and also suffer from anxiety which can cause random panic attacks where it feels like I can't breathe. These panic attacks sometimes happen when I'm playing with my son, because a stray thought will cross my mind that something might happen to me and I'll have to leave him and then I suddenly can't breathe.

Oops, posted too soon. As for the turbohaler, you can't feel or taste anything coming out, that's normal. Mine is definitely working though, they are just like that.

Thank you for that @beantownnancy I’ll keep using it! I had considered anxiety being th cause but it’s literally constantly no matter what I am or am not doing or thinking or feeling. I’ve got a decent grasp of it at home in the day

Ask your GP to refer you for CBT for your anxiety, in the meantime there are lots of resources online to help. Anxiety is dreadful but you can learn to deal with it

I’m very grateful but I’m not sure why im being told to handle my anxiety. I’ve been diagnosed anxiety/PTSD for 15+ years and after so much therapy I’m in the best place I’ve ever been and I’m proud of that. I’m just scared of suddenly dying because someone I looked after suddenly died, and because I can’t breathe morning noon or night

My b12 defienciency is autoimmune, it’s called pernicious anaemia, doesn’t matter how much b12 you take your body can’t absorb it. Have you been an antibody blood test for intrinsic factor?