To ask your if you have experience in this

[stokieginge]

DSD lives with her DM. We have her EOW & an week day evening EOW. I take her to school twice EOW following an evening staying. Currently DSD school is a 3 minute drive from our house.

We've just found out that DM is looking to move 30 minutes away.

This would mean that we are no longer in a position to have DSD over night when she would need to be dropped off at school the next morning. Unless we spent an hour driving her to school and then back to work.

We would essentially go down to one night EOW rather than 4 nights EOW.

This after DM has spent the last 3 years telling my DH he doesn't see DSD enough.

Is there anything we can do?! Obviously not saying that she can't move, but I just don't know what we can do

Can you meet half way on the morning school run?

The DM is the one moving. Can she come pick her DD up and take her to school in the morning?

@Cuttingthegrass @CantWaitToRetire if DM changes plans even now and needs DSD home for whatever reason she expects us to take her home (despite it being our contact) so I doubt that would happen

Well if you get on ok, you could start by gently asking DM how she was thinking the arrangements would work regarding getting dsd to school if she is moving? Depending how old dsd is, would she be changing schools anyway? Given that having you all close geographically helps you co-parent, what is she expecting to gain from moving? Cheaper area? closer to her work? new job? better school?

@missymayhemsmum I imagine DSD will be moving schools. DM already moans about the 10minute drive to the current school so I cannot imagine she'll be willing to drive an hour round trip for drop off and pick up.

DM doesn't work, also no reason for the relocation as she has no family here or there. The only help she receives is from DH DM and we all live within 10 minutes of one another.

So no idea what she thinks there is to gain by moving

Could you not continue to have her EOW and then Friday night to Sat morning EOW as well, to replace the weeknight?
Sorry if that’s not clear, this is what I mean...
Week 1: Friday after school to Sat morning.
Week 2: Friday night to Sunday
And repeat.

Can you increase the time you have her at weekends and during the holidays? From experience, overnight contact during the week can be pretty disruptive, especially once they're at secondary school and have to lug school books, laptops, sports kit, etc between two houses.

@VioletCharlotte do you mean increase weekends to every weekend rather than every other?

@PoptartPoptart I'm not sure DM would agree to every weekend as she obviously would have no time with DSD to do any of the 'fun' stuff if she was with us every weekend.

Plus DSD has a DS with mum with again she'd miss out of time spent with her.

30 mins doesn't sound very far.
She hasn't moved yet.
I would discuss what she'd envisaged and whether you can all make it work.

@Subtlecheese no I agree it's not very far. But when I'm due to start work at 7:30. I feel like having to wake DSD up at way before 7:00 to ensure we have enough time to get her to school for breakfast club is unrealistic.

I think the parents need to have a conversation about whether the child will be changing schools and whether you can each manage the commute.

30 mins isn't really so far (though I know it is a pain in the butt). Maybe you can either start work later or use the breakfast club at school on those days? It's only one day per week effectively.

In answer to "is there anything you can do?" - yes. You can apply to the court for a Specific Issue Order where the judge would decide which school is in the best interest of the child. But I wouldn't do that if there is a chance you can arrange things amicably - again, when I say "you" it really does need to be the mum and dad that sort it out.

Just out of interest OP, why are you doing all the school runs. This is your DH’s DD, shouldn’t he be doing some?

She would still get EOW Saturday morning to Sunday with her mum to do fun stuff

@CantWaitToRetire I'm lucky enough to have a boss that if I occasionally turn up 'late' he looks the other way 😊 DH does the collections, I do the school runs. So that's what current works for us. And if you ask DSD who she wants to pick her up/take her to school 9/10 she would say me

@gottastopeatingchocolate I do start work late already to do the current drop off & we do already do breakfast club.

I can be anywhere between 30mins/1 hour late for work. This would increase dramatically if DSD changed schools.

Obviously I'm asking as DH wouldn't be caught dead on MN much less asking advice. So I like to investigate so I know what options we have to put forward when the time comes. (Rightly or wrongly)

I don't think 30 minutes away is the end of the world to be honest. I'm sure DSDs mum has her own valid reasons for moving to that area.

She's not asking you to drive the 30 mins to school every day. Just twice EOW if I read your post correctly.

Maybe it's a nicer area, better schools, better prospects for the DD, more amenities. Whatever her reasons for moving they are exactly that HER reasons.

It could be a hell of a lot worse and a hell of a lot further away.