To be sick to death of cooking....!

[WhenLifeGivesYouLemonsx]

Cooking homemade meals from scratch and my toddler just doesn't want to eat it!

I cook everything from scratch, like chicken goujons, lasagna, creamy pasta bake, shepherds pie, etc. as I like to follow a strict budget if possible so I only use premade if I am short on time or if I am ill/had a long day at work.

For some months now, my DS2 just downright refuses to eat anything. We have dinner around 6PM. We (my husband, me and my son) all eat together and he eats on a big plate like we do and very rarely he will pick stuff of it.

He won't eat it if it is shepherds pie, lasagna, cow boy hash, fish, or any vegetables unless they're peas! However he does eat oven cooked chips, chicken, lamb grill steaks... anything that we have from the oven basically!

When I was as young as he was, if I didn't eat what was there then I'd go to bed hungry. That's what I feel like I'm doing to him! If he doesn't eat it then that's his loss as I'm not going to cook something crap from the freezer cos it means he knows he'll get what he wants.

Typical meal plan :

Breakfast: 7:30AM
Porridge with chopped bananas and some jam

Snack: 10AM
A rice cracker

Lunch: 12PM
Turkey sandwich, mini cheddars, cheese cubes and a yogurt

Snack: 2.30PM
Pear and some strawberries

Dinner: 6-7PM
Anything homemade which he barely touches

Do I keep preserving or am I feeling him too much during the day? I'm worried about him not eating enough he is already skinny as it is! He drinks a cup of semi skimmed at night time before he goes to bed and sometimes after his morning snack if he wants to have a nap.

Skip the afternoon snack. I wouldn't be hungry if I ate that much during the day either.

Is it worth saving a portion of dinner and feeding it at lunch the next day, then giving his lunch as a dinner? Switching it around? My toddler eats better with a main meal at lunchtime, and a snack tea. This is how most nurseries feed too.

Dinner is too late he is probably too tired to eat it. Feed dinner at 5/5.30pm

Why does he have so many snacks? I wouldn’t be able to eat my evening meal if I ate two snacks during the day.

Set his lunch for about 12:30, then Bring his dinner forward and loose the afternoon snack. Its nice to be able to all sit down together, but it’s not working for your little one. He’s probably full and tired before dinner. As he gets older you can move his dinner time to suit the family as a whole.

A Rice cracker and a pear isn’t really going overboard on the snack front is it?

My 3 year old is the same. Ate wonderfully until about 18 months, would eat anything, now he survives mostly of yogurt peas and cherry tomatoes. I’m trying not to let it get to me too much. People keep telling me just give the same as we’re eating and he’ll start eventually.

My toddler is much better at eating lunch than dinner so as suggested upthread, save a portion for lunch and give him something smaller for dinner. Also my DS is in bed between 6 and 7 most nights, I’d be on a hiding to nothing getting him to eat then!

I agree with the PP. Cut out the snacks and bring his dinner forward. You won’t be able to eat together but that’s not working at the moment anyway. He can have whatever you had the night before.

Then try sitting with him at the table and on another night not sitting with him.

Don’t talk about the eating or not eating at other times.

Your meals sound lovely. Just keep going.

No problem with the snacks, he’s a toddler so of course needs them. Either dinner is too late and he’s too tired, agree with PP that 5pm is more appropriate. Or he’s just fussy. Some kids are. My middle one is whereas my older one eats everything

My DS is 2 and has now decided he doesn't want to eat either!

I wouldn't be to worried about his health my son survived on tomato soup,sausage rolls and milk for about 7 years he was that fussy now at nearly 12 he eats better.but I can understand your worry.

I’d also say move main meal earlier - we always had main meal around 4- then a snack at bedtime instead perhaps.

We used to do milk and biscuit at bedtime but milk and fruit would be healthier version!

I would also do main meal at lunch. Give full fat milk as milk is a whole food.

Baby nurse reassured me when DD1 would not eat, that milk is a whole food, as long as she had enough milk, not to fuss too much about the rest.
Dinner earlier and then bed time routine.

It's an age thing - both of mine would eat literally anything till 2 then only wanted beige food. DD9 is now getting relatively back to normal(she would love on sushi if I let her!) but DS6 is taking a bit longer. As long as they are having some fruit and veg regularly I wouldn't stress. Mine are fine 👍🏻

How much of the sandwich is he having for lunch? Nothing bad about a big lunch, but it might be filling him up quite a bit and then he doesn't have much space left, especially if he's tired. Mine would eat half a sandwich and some cut up veg or fruit, then fruit for afternoon tea and a bigger dinner - if he eats much more at lunch then he still wants a snack but just picks at food in the evening. On his nursery days I do soup or an egg for dinner because he has a big lunch.
Nothing wrong with his snacks, rice cracker and a bit of fruit is not much and he's only small.
If you want him to eat a big dinner I'd agree with pps about moving it earlier, and maybe drop the afternoon snack. Or just roll with it and give him small portions, he'll change when he needs to.

OP I feel you 😫

Ok first, those are not too many snacks at all. Toddlers have small stomachs and completely different metabolism. Actually there is loads of research on letting them regulate their appetite and this is being introduced in many nurseries, providing a "snack table" with healthy snacks available for them.
The "stick to meals" idea is a grown up concept to work around our schedules.
You are doing fine!

I find that my DC would eat at 5 but if I serve dinner at 5:30 he doesn't. I think again they are too tired/ too close to bes time.
Can you feed earlier?

Finally, is there a reason why he is having semi skimmed?
Children that age (and actually any active child) should have full fat. You mentioned he is skinny so obviously not an issue there.

I think my toddler observes me in the kitchen and the longer I cook for / more elaborate, the less he eats

My dd at that sort of age (and for the next few years) refused anything that was not very plain. If things were mixed up, there was a hint of sauce or even just a sprinkle of herbs on something she'd scream. I found it really upsetting. We got through meals by serving all the components separately and letting her help herself. It meant things like giving her a plain piece of chicken, plain boiled carrots or peas and plain boiled potatoes where the rest of us might be having chicken pie with mash. It seemed to be a bit of a control thing and a bit of a texture thing, but it also turns out that she is a super taster (great now as she is an excellent cook). She wouldn't have eaten porridge back then though, let alone porridge with things in it!

I'd stick at it. Both of mine were at nursery at that age, so were having a big snack 'tea' at 3pm. As little kids they weren't that hungry at 6pm/6.30pm, but it's when we wanted to eat together as a family, so it's when they got offered a meal. It took a while - maybe until they were nearly three - but they both grew into it. I wouldn't cut out the snacks. They only have little still stomachs, and the snacks don't seem large enough to be cutting his appetite for dinner.

What @JillGoodacre says makes much sense and my friends with older kids say this too
Mine is 2yo OP

I think by 6pm he's probably too full and too tired.

How old is he (not sure from your OP if he is two, or your 2nd DS!) I agree that at 6pm he might just be too tired. Has he recently dropped his naps? When DD dropped her nap we had to move tea to 5pm or she ate nothing. Could you increase size of lunch and drop afternoon snack? Or reduce breakfast and lunch portion sizes a little? If he eats off a big plate like you maybe his evening meal is just too big- if you reduced the size maybe you'd realise he'd eaten more than you think? They need surprisingly little at that age. Overall I'd say don't stress- mine go through phases. Just keep giving them the food and limit any alternatives. It's frustrating but they are likely to come through it. (Incidentally I would probably follow none of this advice and just panic that he was hungry and get annoyed at waste!)

Agree feed him At 5, then allow him to steal from your plates at 6 you may find he is keener if he needs company and thinks he shouldn’t!

For years after school my 3 had a bowl of carrot and cucumber left on worktop, pretended they weren’t allowed it, and surprise surprise it was always finished! Don’t get het up by it , the only think I would alter is cheddars.Had a tube fed child who ate nothing but peas until she was 5, now eats snails , mussels and absolutely anything as an adult! The key is to keep offering and not comment or show annoyance if they don’t eat, it is just a phase! Maybe a long one but a phase.Friends who pandered to toddlers have fussy teens and adults now!

I wouldn’t bring his meal forward as I think it is beneficial to eat as a family. I also don’t think he is having too many snacks. It is probably just a phase. My DD was the fussiest little bugger at that age, by about 5 she had outgrown it. But even if they don’t (looking at you dear niece) they typically will by the time they are grown and a very limited diet isn’t necessarily unhealthy anyway.

We are in a similar situation except that he gets a good hot lunch at nursery so I don’t really worry about whether he does or doesn’t eat his evening meal. I would agree with a pp to try giving him dinner leftovers for lunch or freezing small portions of dinner and giving them for lunch another day, that way he could still have your evening meal with you and wouldn’t be getting served the same thing immediately the next lunchtime.
We also eat together about 6-6.30pm, with work, nursery etc it’s what works for us if he has a decent afternoon nap there’s no reason why he’ll be too tired. I also disagree that he’s having too many snacks, toddlers have small stomachs, they can’t necessarily eat a massive meal portion that keeps them going until the next meal which is why nursery give them breakfast, morning snack, lunch and afternoon snack. As long as the snacks are contributing to their nutrition rather than being empty calories it doesn’t matter if a piece of cheese and a cracker is afternoon snack or part of their lunch.
MN does get a bit competitive about how early their children eat (and go to bed) and how little and healthily they eat. This isn’t the reality of most people’s lives judging by my friends.

"No problem with the snacks, he’s a toddler so of course needs them."

This is the first I've ever heard of anyone in the world 'needing' snacks, especially when they've had what I would consider to be a big lunch for a toddler.