To decline this wedding invite?

[Bunbunbunny]

Sorry probably been done to death already but aibu to decline a wedding invite as the wedding is on a Thursday & is for the reception only?

My cousin is getting married in June & I admit I was sad not to be invited to the actual ceremony just the reception as our family were close and I know a few of my other cousins will be there for the whole day. I would have loved to see my cousin get married but I appreciate its their wedding their decision & they probably can only invite so many to the service.

The invite says reception starts at 4pm so I would need to take the Thursday & Friday off to be able to attend it. I guess if it'd been the whole day I'd feel differently about using two days holiday for it but I'd be waiting round till the afternoon to go and I can't leave work early due to location so it'd have to be the whole day off. I suppose I could not drink and go into work on the Friday but we would then need to leave early to get home.

We're looking to start IVF this year so holiday days are really important to me so I am feeling selfish about saving those days up for when we need them. My work are great I just don't want to take the p with them & I have no idea how the ivf will go. Am I being unreasonable not to attend because I don't want to waste two days leave for a essentially a party? I'm worried about upsetting my aunt as well by saying no, so have no idea how to say no either! I know it's an invite not a summons but how do I say no without offending anyone? Can I just say we regret we can't attend with no explanation? And how long after we get the invite should we wait to say no as well?

maybe in the card you could put something like as soon as you have a spare minute lets get our dates together for a meal or something.or tell your aunt this.if your close enough to your aunt you could talk to her?not about the no invite to both parts bit but to the circumstances that are stopping you.make sure people don't make up why you not going with words left unsaid.talk to them.

It sounds like the only part you aren’t invited to is the actual ceremony, evening receptions don’t start at 4pm so even if you were invited to the whole thing it would probably only be a 3pm start. I had a similar set up, ceremony room was small but we wanted everyone there all day so some were invited to ceremony and some had a drink outside while the ceremony was going on. I’m not aware that anyone was offended and would have been surprised if they had been. If you don’t want to go then don’t go but don’t make it about whether you are invited to the ceremony or not as this makes no difference to the A/L you will need to take and just sounds a bit petty.

As someone who got married on a Thursday, I would totally understand someone not being able to attend. It’s a big ask to ask people to take annual leave, but we saved a ton of money by getting married on a Thursday.

I would totally understand

You dont sound as if you're close to your cousin as you dont know their address. So I wouldn't feel bad about missing the wedding. I would send a reply saying you cant take leave then but that you hope they have a wonderful day. It's up to you if you give a gift.

Are you sure the wedding isnt at 4pm? My sister got married in a hotel and her wedding was 4.30. That gave people who were travelling a distance to be there time to get there. 4pm is an odd time to be invited if not.

I’d go! Family party, a night out, a celebration! Book a night in the hotel, make it a long weekend.

Does the hotel have a spa?

Does the invite say reception only or are you assuming based on the time? They might be having a late ceremony, perhaps.

4pm isn’t an evening invitation surely? What time is the ceremony?

Thanks everyone, spoke to my DF as I'm worried about my upsetting my aunt (his sister) and he said not to worry she'll be ok and will be busy with the day itself so feel better I've spoken to him. He's told us to just focus on using my holiday for getting properly away from everything (job is quite stressful) and for IVF this year, and not to feel guilty about it as there will be more family celebrations in the future.