To think parents are allowed to get stressed

[Attackofthepoonami]

Mum to a lovely toddler who I adore the bones of, and heavily pregnant with his sibling.

DS is teething, grumpy and we had a nappy explosion tonight whilst I was in the middle of doing the dishes (up his back, through his clothes, everywhere) which resulted in an impromptu bath and clean up operation.

Bath then resulted in a flooded bathroom and my dressing gown and fresh PJs soaked through as he kicked screamed and wailed in protest because he didn't want a wash. Cue me sorting him out and getting myself changed, mopping up etc then sitting down for a minute out of breath.

While this is going on my friend who messages non stop was trying to get my attention on WhatsApp to show me some news article about politics she was having a rant about. When I finally responded i politely explained I was a bit tired and stressed (and why) so I'd look at the link tomorrow. Smiley face at the end so I wasn't being blunt.

I was then given a moody response about how I shouldn't be stressy about my DS because he's just learning and discovering the world and kids aren't that stressful.

Parenthood as wonderful as it is is extremely testing at times and I can do without people with no clue thinking they'd handle it better.

AIBU to think I'm allowed to feel a bit exasperated from time to time without being made to feel like a shit mum. I'm only human.

To add they don't have children themselves

Ignore! Friend talking out of their arse and rude.

As someone without kids myself, I would never dream of telling my friends ANYthing like that! That was very rude of her, and probably just shows how naive she is.

Sounds like you did a great job, you've got a hell of a lot on your plate & you didn't need a literal shitstorm to contend with! I can only imagine the clean up!!

Your friend has no idea!

Reply with a laughing face emoji and say 'I'll remember you said that when you have kids of your own!'

Screen grab it and send it her every time she messages you about her own kids when she has them.

I am so beyond stressed right now I’d happily trade mine in

It's not the first time she's made comments that come across as condescending and it really gets my back up, not that I've told her that.

She's the sort who assumes you're starving your child because they simply must be crying for food, when they cry.

Infuriating

Reply with a laughing face emoji and say 'I'll remember you said that when you have kids of your own!'

Yeah. Don’t say that.

She is BU. Sometimes people without kids really don’t get it. Just ignore her and put your feet up. I wouldn’t even mention it at all again.

Everyone is an expert of parenting before they have children

They soon learn quickly

Smile and ignore

Ah. But I see she is generally a twat about parenthood.

Unfortunately sometimes the childfree and the parent don’t make the best of friends due to being in totally different points of life. You can be doing with less of the friend stress, OP

My ds1 (2), will lie on the floor screaming in hunger at any opportunity. I must be the devil parent

Tell your friend to piss off and next time answer her demanding messages in your own good time when you're ready.

Aww thanks for the advice, you are very wise

Would be my response that that shite.

You're also allowed to ignore until you actually have time to respond and you dont have to explain yourself! I just turn my phone off if I'm stressed. Any friend worth thier salt will realise you have kids and sometimes es you are busy... I mean even if you didnt have kids you may be busy and not available immediately to look at someones WhatsApp message! I just wouldn't respond in future if you need to relax... then she wont have the opportunity to tell you where you are going wrong and wind you up!

She has been a good friend to me over the years but I do find she can be a bit of a know it all about most things and I generally turn the other cheek but I think I'm a bit sensitive about being judged on parenting.

The funny thing is she's got quite a short fuse and I just know she'd lose her shit (no pun intended) after a day in charge of a toddler

Both my sister's do this ! I politely ignite them or laugh. Esp about sleep , yes baby needs to sleep but he's a psychopath and dosnt. But they still know best!

I think you both sound as bad as each other TBH. You sound like you patronise your friend because she doesn’t have children, she sounds like she’s not majorly understanding about parenting.

It was a bit much really, she sent you an article which wouldn’t have taken two minutes to read when toddler was in bed and you replied ‘Sorry, I’m far too exhausted from parenting to bother with you.’

It’s difficult for childless friends to know what to do. If they stay in touch as normal they’re irritants when you’re oh so busy parenting. If they don’t then they’re not good friends who don’t bother much when you’ve had kids.

I'd been following links and listening to her having a rant about the Tories for months. I'm not remotely interested in politics but try to be enthusiastic most of the time because it's something she's really into. I was trying to relax with a cuppa and a book before I went to bed. There was no sharpness to my tone at all.

Might I add that we talk daily and I'm usually relatively prompt at replying. It wasn't a good time and I politely said I was a bit tired and stressed so headed to bed and I'd have a look at the link tomorrow, rather than leaving her messages unanswered.