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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset my house is continuously critised

50 replies

Lisalouisa · 06/01/2019 12:29

Just that really. My parents, builders etc all come in my house critise my house. ‘Oh you need to do this’ or ‘ that’s looking a bit shabby’

We have only owned the house since June and brought it as a work in progress. We know things need doing but unless they want to hand us thousands of pounds to sort it all out why can’t they just shut their mouths.

AIBU to refuse to have anyone over anymore? It’s making me so sad and making me hate my home too.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lisalouisa · 06/01/2019 13:41

Maybe I have had a bad run then. I’m also very sensitive to it i’ll admit.

OP posts:

OutPinked · 06/01/2019 13:43

Builders are likely doing it to drum up more business for themselves so I really wouldn’t worry about that and it’s kind of a parents job to criticise .

Honestly, every time my DM visits she drives me crazy criticising the house. I think most parents do this to their adult offspring.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 06/01/2019 13:44

Aww OP I'm kind of in a similar situation except I've got a rhinosaurous hide and couldn't care less what people say lol. Make a plan for this year about which room you're going to do and what you're going to do to it and just focus on that. Being sensitive about it won't help but I understand that its hurtful.

Dungeondragon15 · 06/01/2019 13:48

It is annoying as it will always give you the feeling that you are not good enough. My parents were like this and I used to stop them a bit by thanking them (sarcastically) for offering to do or pay for the work. I also offered to come around to their house to point out what I felt needing doing as they seemed to think it so helpful for people to do that. It only really stopped when one of my DCs told them to stop criticising me.

Flannelled · 06/01/2019 13:48

Family members used to do this. I started asking them when they could do it. They soon stopped.

clumsyduck · 06/01/2019 13:49

Ignore them it's rude . I love older houses and doing them up. Iv seen some lovely new builds, friends houses etc but I just prefer older houses plus sometimes a fixer upper is affordable where a same size new build or finished home is not .

Flannelled · 06/01/2019 13:51

Eg my Dad used to say our hall needed painting (true but low on the list of priorities) so I said "if we get the paint are you able to do it next week?". Then he started huffing and puffing about it not being his house so I said "Yep, it's ours. We will sort it when we are ready". He never criticised that again. I kind of wish he'd actually offered to paint it though!

missmouse101 · 06/01/2019 13:53

You mean bought, not brought, surely?

Yulebealrite · 06/01/2019 13:54

Yes, thanks we know that. I thought we told you this is a long term project? It’s a great house which will take time to get how we want it. Tea anyone?’
Perfect response. And try to let it wash over you. It's not important what anyone thinks, only you - so why be so sensitive?

BlueEyedBengal · 06/01/2019 13:54

There is no such thing as a perfect home it's what you make it. If you come home and shut the door and have that cosy feeling then job done. There is no way I would get in that trap of keeping up with the Jones. What made you want to buy the house in the first Place ? Did you instantly connect with it? Did you have vision of where you wanted your family to live? Because you should have that happy place feeling about your home and it should never be disrespected by anyone else. A home is custom made just for you so just ignore those that have no business to an opinion you is all that matters.

m0therofdragons · 06/01/2019 13:59

I loved my old house but people regularly commented it was too small. It wasn't at the time. We had 3 double bedrooms, 3 dds but Dtds were fine sharing their big room, good size livingroom, conservatory dining room and a small garden. Kitchen was not big but well laid out and lots of surface area and park was very close so small garden didn't matter. Essentially it was a fairly standard family home. Yet people would comment. I found it bizarre. We had 2 bathrooms/3 toilets. It was in good condition too. It was odd. We were happy there. Dh and I both got promoted and the small house had enabled us to save a decent amount of money. We've now moved to our forever home (good size 4 bed home) which I love too. One df moved 6 months after us to a 5 bed home and seems to think I'd be jealous. I'm not. I'm happy for her but after 11 years in a 3 floor home I'm happy to only have one flight of stairs. Other people's perception is weird. Our house needs a little work which we're doing as we go along but I'm fine without the "show home" look watching dd1 roller skate round the kitchen leaving marks on the floor and not stressing

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/01/2019 14:02

For example I replaced my kitchen and the guy decided to moan on about the wooden floors and how they look ‘shit’ because they need resanding

"Yes I do need to sand them but I thought I'd wait till you were done in case you cack handedly scrape them"

greenpop21 · 06/01/2019 14:21

I'm with you OP on not buying a new build. You'll get there in the end, just try changing the subject with family.
As for builders, chatty ones that tell you about their house just do my head in and they don't get asked back. I want them to do a job and shut up basically!

greenpop21 · 06/01/2019 14:25

We could have moved but we have repaid our mortgage and have done our 'old' house just how we like it. Occasionally when everyone is round , we don't have one room that is really big but we do have a large garden so try to host large numbers in the summer.
Siblings that have moved for very large open plan kitchens etc are still paying large mortgages in their 40s/50s when ours is long gone. That's fine, it's what they value but you have to do what's right for you.

greendale17 · 06/01/2019 14:25

Am I the only one finding it really hard to believe that everyone including the gardener and builder is criticising the house. I think you are completely taking it the wrong way.

Beeziekn33ze · 06/01/2019 14:29

Orlande and missmouse101. Have you strayed from Pedants' Corner?!

SoyDora · 06/01/2019 14:33

My IL’s do this, I let it wash over me.
An acquaintance who is a tradesman was doing some work on the house next door in the summer and I was chatting to him over the fence one day. He said (of my house, that we had just bought) ‘well it’s a lovely area and I don’t know how much you paid for it, but it will take about £100k to get it up to scratch’. I laughed! It needs a new kitchen but that’s it.

mumonashoestring · 06/01/2019 14:43

Just do your job and shut up. I wish I had the bulls to say it. Maybe I need to grow a pair

Tempting isn't it? To be honest it's probably more straightforward but if someone's halfway through doing work on your house or garden 'do your job and shut up' probably won't get you their best work. "Are you volunteering?' might be more effective (guarantee they won't be).

When it comes to your family though I'd definitely stop inviting them round - if they ask why, say it's because you know how much they dislike the house, considering how much they go on about it when they're there. They can then either put up and shut up, or reconsider.

strawberrisc · 06/01/2019 14:50

I can’t imagine making such comments in a million years.

greenlynx · 06/01/2019 14:57

I would be careful with “Are you volunteering? “ my mum and dad would jump straight away to this. It sounds exciting but they never listen and do things completely how they want.
The guy who did kitchen probably had his mate in mind who’s doing floors. We bought a house less than a month ago didn’t do much because of Xmas but every person who was in advised us somebody else. Estate agent - someone to change locks, plumber - someone to do loft, electrician - someone to do redecoration.
Your gardener probably had someone in mind too!

grasspigeons · 06/01/2019 15:02

We found this. We 'finished' our house in terms of the big things planned but obviously there was still lots of things to do.

Everyone that came round would say something negative about what still needed to be done, rather than something positive about what had been achieved already.

No one said 'wow you've got central heating running, it must feel warm here now' they'd say 'are you going to get nicer light fittings?' or similar.

and even our removal men said 'why would you want to live here, every thing needs doing'

VamillaSugar · 06/01/2019 15:15

For example I replaced my kitchen and the guy decided to moan on about the wooden floors and how they look ‘shit’ because they need resanding

"Yes I do need to sand them but I thought I'd wait till you were done in case you cack handedly scrape them"

Love this, so much!! 😁😁😁😆😆😆

BlackPrism · 06/01/2019 18:12

As the owner of a new build I can tell you that in 18 months we have had 3 cupboards replaced as they have fallen off of the walls, one roof leak, 2 broken window hinges and a replacement pneumatic door..

They're cheaply built to a high-looking spec so fall apart.

bluetongue · 06/01/2019 19:59

This is my dad too! He was over on the weekend helping to get the p,ace ready for painting (I’m getting painters in). He asked what I was going to do about curtains / blinds after as they were all getting completely removed apart from one room. I told him I’d live without for a while until I worked out what to do and saved some more money up. He just couldn’t get his head around it.

My parents on the other hand have years of house upkeep to catch up on and they keep insisting that A can’t get done unless B and C are all sorted at the same time as well. Of course this just means it’s alI too hard and nothing gets done. I don’t want to end up like them! Living without curtains for a few months won’t kill me.

Trills · 06/01/2019 20:09

Basically it’s not the home, or the area, they wanted us to buy in so they make noise.

If they're like this, then they've probably been like this for a while?

Or have they suddenly got worse because you've bought a house?

If so, watch out for even more of it when you have children and don't do things exactly as they would.

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