List of 'goals' for childcare

[NeverKnowWhat]

For background: childminder x2 days, my mum x1 day, partner and me x1 day each, both off at weekends.

I am a healthcare professional dual trained in adult and paeds, currently working in adult care. Have worked in paed development.

My mother openly admits she wasn't brilliant when i was younger, however pur relationship is much better since having our DD, and she is fantastic with her, their bond is great.

Childminder is amazing. She totes on DD and DD is excited to go each day. Childminder has been brilliant in ensuring continuity, e.g with weaning and communication.

(Long story short - have a good childcare set up and good relationships)

The AIBU: to give childminder, my mum and discuss with my partner a list of activities, behaviours and play etc to encourage DD with, appropriate to her age and milestone to support and consolidate her development, or is this super over bearing and unnecessary?

Totally OT and unnecessary. The childminder is a professional who may well be offended. Your mum May think you think she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

Don’t do it. You could mention in conversation things DD is interested in, and for the childminder, OFSTED are keen on parent partnership, so you could write down some home observations about your daughter which the childminder could use to help plan suitable activities for. That would be really helpful I would say. But not a list of activities!

The childminder will very much know what activities and play to do with your child that are age appropriate - more so than you do and would probably be offended that you don't think she can do her job. She will be following the EYFS framework in order to help DD achieve developmental milestones.

If she's only with your mum one day a week then why does she need to be doing a list of activities? Let your mum go about her day her way.

Why can't you do the things you want to list yourself? I wouldn't do it, you could risk upsetting the apple cart and losing or changing the dynamic of your good set up.

I think that’s way too much, apart from anything else assuming appropriate care your child will develop naturally at her own pace in her own way. Normal, healthy develop is just that, it happens as it should in the presence of attentive care assuming there are no factors which need additional support such as neurodiversity. Let your child be a child, I don’t understand why every single aspect of a child’s being needs to be subjected to “goals”.

Thank you autumnnightsaredrawingin I feared as much. I am used to managing and giving direction in my role, so this feels like the norm to me, although I appreciate to some it would be too much.

I'm a childminder.

Is be very insulted if you for that. I know how to do my job better then you do. Would you like it if someone who doesn't work in your field told you how to do your job?

Fine to give your mum a list, NOT fine to give the childminder one. It's her job. It's what she does every day. So rude!!!

I’d be incredibly hacked off if my daughter gave me a list of instructions like that, and if I were a childminder I think I’d be telling you to take your child elsewhere. How patronising.

Definitely not with the childminder but you could ask your mum to take her to a particular class or group.
Me and DH talk about things we want to do with DD like encouraging her drawing and colouring or reading to her and then we’ll both do those things but if he didn’t I wouldn’t say anything as long as he was sticking her in front of the tv constantly

Presumably you have a contact book with CM, so agree with PP it would be enough to write about what your DD has been doing at home. A good CM will run with that.

At home would it not be easier to have a 'overview' of what your DD is doing through the toys you make available and the stuff you book her into?

If you google 'Montessori at home' there are good examples of set ups with few toys out, but those that are available being closely matched to development. Don't know how old your DD is but, for example, if she was developing object permanence put out lots of 'put it inside/ take it out' type toys. I think that would be more subtle than handing your mother and partner a list headed 'Object Permanence Games'. Then you could add a booking to a Baby Sensory type class where there will be lots of work on that sort of thing too. (As I say- just an example, obviously age dependant).

Would it help for your to remember you are not your childminder's employer so you don't need to manage her? You are her client.

I wouldn't give your mum a list but you could discuss some ideas with her that you have learned about in your work with children. With the child minder I would just ask about what they have do in that respect, and you will probably find they have a plan.

Thank you all for your responses - clearly I am being unreasonable. Hence why I checked with mumsnet jury before I acted!

Let the childminder do her job, let your child develop naturally. Frameworks are in place to help encourage this and your childminder will be following these.
Time with her grandmother will be precious, children are learning all the time through play and experiences. Let them do their own thing and she will still be learning and developing every day.

Do you suffer with anxiety?

If you have concerns that your childminder and/or mum are not providing enough stimulation or age appropriate activities, then you could tactfully discuss some suggested options, OP, but best do it informally rather than a lesson plan and spreadsheet!
It’s particularly tricky if your child is a long way ahead of the norms for their age, and needs older or more complex activities. My autistic DD was reading at 2 and writing stories at 3, so the nanny needed a bit of initial guidance on what to do with her.