To ask how you feel about your DH?

[emmets]

Feel like I'm having an existential crisis right now.
Been with DH for 3 years, 1 DC.
I feel like I love him with all my heart but I'm not sure if I'm in love with him.
I love cuddles and playing with him but I'm not sure if I'm sexually attracted to him anymore (never want to get intimate with him anymore).
Sometimes I feel like he's more a friend than a romantic partner and I'm missing that massive in love feeling.

Can anyone tell me what they feel about their DH? I have no other married friends so I'm not sure what the norm is. Does the love fade, is it normal to not be so sexually attracted to them anymore, is it normal to miss that in love feeling? Or does this relationship sound doomed?

Anyone?

I have been with my dh for 20 years and I do love him, but I’m no longer in love with him. I’m thinking now that I can’t live like this forever and not should he. I want to separate this year.
Lovemaking with him makes me feel icky.

The thing is, he has no idea and we have young children. It’s going to be so so hard.

Did you ever get your sex drive back after you had the baby?

I think love changes over time. There's nothing wrong with being content in you relationship rather than a raging love like in books

Well, I still love mine very much - we definitely don't have anything like the same amount of sex as we used to but I do still really fancy him, we're just often knackered! 3 years isn't that long a time to be together - I definitely went through an 'oh shit is this it' stage when we'd been together around that length of time. I think that's normal. For us we worked through it - kept making the effort and so on - and came out the other side. It was before kids though so we were able to prioritise each other, I imagine it's much harder with a small DC. Don't ignore what you're feeling, talk to him about it (nicely), and try and make some time for each other - when our kids were tiny and we couldn't go out we used to have kitchen dates where we'd make a really nice meal, bottle of wine, wear something decent - it helped us remember who the other one was. Best of luck x

You haven’t been together and already have a child. Maybe it all happened too fast?
In my marriage we go through periods of being in love, a bit dull, then in love again.

Together Long^

How old is your baby? I think young children can dull the romance a lot but you may be able to get it back in time and with some effort from both of you.

Tiredness kills libido
Does your child still keep you up? Have you changed exercise or diet since having them?

Yes it's normal. That "in love" feeling where you've got the hots for dp, doesn't last. If you split up and found someone else, the same thing would happen. (Although the Radfords seem to manage!)

Baby is 2 next month. I've had sex drive since having him but it's disappeared a few months ago, although I've figured out it seems to only be when it comes to sex with DH. DC doesn't keep us up but does like to share the bed.

I have been with DH for almost 22 years apart from one bad patch about three years ago I have always loved and felt in love with him. DD died and I was also diagnosed with a life threatening illness around the same time, the strain was immense. What tipped us was actually his sisters behaviour. I didn’t want him to take a side I just needed him to acknowledge his sister was dreadful towards me. I refused to see her, it caused huge arguments.

Marriages include peaks and troughs of feelings. In the 8y I've been with my DH there have been times when I wanted to leave him and mentally packed his bags, but there have been other times (since this point) where he has been my everything and I haven't wanted to spend a minute apart from him.

Sex has also changed over time. We went at it fast in the beginning and since we've had droughts a where once a month was a lot! Now we are settled at about once a week, depending on work, activities, holidays etc.

In my opinion u don't need to be madly deeply in love with someone all the time, and being best mates is definitely a good thing. Personally I will only leave if I become unhappy with the companionship element of the relationship, as I think all other aspects of a relationship can be worked on through applying more effort where required.

Have u spoken to him about ur feelings? Tell him u need more romance and see if he steps up!!!

We’ve been together 10 years, married for 7, expecting third DC.
I adore him. Not in the ‘I want to rip your clothes off’ way that I did pre children (too tired now!), but in a ‘I made the right choice’ kind of way. I know my life is infinitely better for having him in it.
It’s tough with young children though, and having a child already when you’re only 3 years in must be tough.

I’ve been with DH 18 years still fancy him and we have regular sex life (only once or twice a week as small DCs) especially when we go away for a few days just the two of us.

We disagree and struggle with daily life on occasions like all couples but I still like to cuddle and kiss him daily.

It’s not the mad passion it was pre DC normally make love in a bed now rather than on the kitchen table etc

I think it ebs and flows really. There are times when you are all loved up and times when you just sort of plod along side by sides as friends and partners. As long as you do actually love each other you’ll probably find that ‘love’ changes shape over the course of you relationship. You might just be in a plodding along phase - a lot of people are when they’re stuck in the grind of work, life and small DC. Then you come out the other side and rediscover each other!

I think once you have children you need to help the 'spark' keep going, i do still love my DH and I am 'in love' with him but some times it feels a bit blah and we have to do something nice together

What singlenotsingle said is true.

Been together 15 and half years we’ve had peaks and troughs and sometimes I don’t want sex and sometimes I want it all the time. He is the same. At the end of the day we are best friends and we talk to each other about how we are feeling.

I love him more than when we were first together. I really admire the man that he's become. He's an excellent father, which only makes me love him more.

I still fancy him. We don't have a lot of sex though, due to time/tiredness etc, but it's all still there.

For me there's more important things than sex: that after 25 years we still go out together and have a good laugh, and would choose to do that together rather than with friends, etc.

Just my opinion but I think too many people think that a relationship should always be exciting. That you should always have your heart race/get butterflies/want to rip each other's clothes off and that if you don't feel that way, something is wrong and there is someone better.

The fact is that all relationships are like that in the beginning but as they become long term, the relationship becomes the "norm". You settle into the daily routines of life. That's when it takes more effort to keep things "exciting" or keep the "spark" there.

I know of so many people who end relationships because "it's not like it was in the beginning" when the reality is that very very few relationships are. Especially when you're running a household/having kids etc. If that is the feeling you're chasing, you'll end up in and out of a lot of relationships!

If you're happy, love your DP and don't wish to be anywhere else then I don't think you have anything to worry about. With regards to sex drive, I have a toddler and mine went right down the pan! It's not that I don't love or fancy DP just always knackered (and currently pregnant which doesn't help). If you don't have sexual desire in general then it's not an issue with your DP or how much you fancy him but your sex drive. If you're still very much desiring sex but not with DP then there's an issue.

We've been together 23 years. I still get butterflies when I know he is due home from work. We argue at least every week but love the bones of each other. We still fancy each other. We didn't rush into having children and had 7 years just being a couple.

When you have very young children it changes your relationship. You have a different kind of love for your child and also for your partner as the parent of that child.

You are also exhausted, touched out and a lot of the fun, spontaneous intimacy has changed.

If you love each other and have a happy life I would say don’t overthink this. Look for small ways to reconnect and keep communicating. One day your dc grow up and you have all the time you need together again. Marital love changes and grows but it’s not always linear.

I’ve been married almost 30 years and remember your stage well.