Lay-in

[Cheekylittlenumber]

On the weekends DH and I take it in turns to have a lie-in. I’m up within an hour max of him and the kids being up (tbh I struggle sleeping-in generally as I’m a light sleeper and can hear them making a racket

When it’s his turn he’s in bed for hours.

I feel it’s such a waste of the day. But he’s a lot more laid back than me and I’m the type that always had to be doing something.

I know he’s not being unreasonable nor am I, we’re just different. But I think a lot of what motivates me not being able to relax is judgement and guilt (constantly trying to keep the house presentable in case people turn up at the door, and not wanting for the kids to miss out on days out. if we don’t leave the house by ten it messes up my daughters naps, so we have a time limit for things in a way)

I also work full time so when I lay in I have in the back of my head ‘you should be spending quality time with your children’ whereas my DH is a SAHD so spends plenty of time with them!

Does anyone else feel this way?

Not really. Sometimes I can lay in until 10 and desperately need it, other days I get a conscious and am up earlier. I'm up early every day usually and use a lay in to catch up on sleep.

My husband does this too, sometimes up earlier and sometimes up at 10/11! I guess I understand when he needs sleep so don't mind it. It's not every single weekend though, I'd feel different I imagine.

Everyone needs to relax, your kids will not implode if they have a pj day and don't leave the house before 10am.

In all honesty you need to relax.

I am the same as you. Early riser.

I used to pay in bed and read instead of getting up. It's not going to make a huge difference to the kids if you get up half an hour or hour later.

Unless you have something planned I don't get why everyone needs to be up, I also think you are worrying about the child's naps.

Nothing wrong with a lazy day or weekend.

You are putting yourself under too much pressure, but then pushing these feelings on to your dh and expecting him to do certain things because of this.

Thanks everyone. I agree with you all. I’m a bit obsessed with getting out the house and doing things on the weekend (I grew up stuck indoors) so I know it’s my issue and I need to relax.

I need to get over the anxiety and guilt!

I think it's all about balance op, you say you are obsessed with going out at weekends as you were stuck indoors growing up but if you carry on obsessing then your dc will feel the opposite when they are older as they will have a childhood where they were never allowed to just relax on a weekend and were always dragged out. I hope that makes sense ☺

You don't say how old your dc are but when school is in full swing they often need a weekend doing not a lot just to charge their batteries ready for the next school week ahead.

I had a lie in yesterday - got up at 2 pm!

I think getting up and doing stuff on one day of the weekend, and having a relaxing day on the other day of the weekend is a good mixture.

Your DH probably values his quiet time away from the children if he's a SAHD.

Could you take the kids out yourself on those mornings?

My DH probably feels like you; on his lay in he’s up by 7.30 whereas on mine I’m normally up about 9. Before children I wouldn’t have considered 9 a lay in to be honest. We tend to work out the day before what we want to do so I know if I need to be up earlier.
After a busy week of work and childcare I’m quite a fan of a lazy Sunday with a little walk or trip to the park; I often feel that DD needs it.

Pedants corner here. Just for the record, there is no such thing as a lay-in.

It's a lie-in.

Within your current arrangement, so long as your DH would be happy if you did take full advantage of the opportunity for a lie-in too, I think it's fair enough.

Personally though, in your situation I wouldn't like to potentially rule out ever having a family day out at the weekend with that arrangement.

I'd maybe agree to limit your existing lie-ins until something like 10am, but every other weekend one of you gets an unlimited lie-in if you want it?

Pedants corner here. Just for the record, there is no such thing as a lay-in.

Ah, But there is such thing as having nothing helpful or interesting to put, but preferring to act like dick and being rude.

Using the word pedant, isn't a license to act like a dick.

Kids are 1 and 4, but the 4 year old is a September baby so goes to preschool two days a week, so DH’s weeks are full-on and I get he needs a rest.

He’s keen to do stuff as a family too but fit some reason I just feel really guilty if we lounge around in the mornings. I wish I could relax! I just feel guilty as there’s always something in the house that needs doing it unless it’s pissing with rain I want the kids to be outside.

It’s defibotky my issue, I get he needs a break. Me taking the kids out in the morning is a good idea but I can’t drive and we live rurally with poor public transport. Our usual go-to places are driving distance but there are playgrounds much nearer. I just prefer more of a day out but that’s a good idea for when I have itchy feet!

I was & still am like you. I would be up, dressed, breakfast done, house tidied & kids all sorted by 9. Think it’s because on a work day I had to be out by 7.15 with the children. Have to say feel the same about getting up late & impact on naps, lunch etc. Children all grown up now but still up early & never have lie-ins really. Just how we are I suppose. I have lovely friends who have pj days or don’t get up til 11. Not for me but it’s what suits you & your routine. So yes I’d say shift your ass please or get on with things & leave him in bed!

Cant you got out with them for a little walk in the morning if it bothers you being stuck inside? Go back to have lunch together then back out as a family?
He doesn't have the stress about spending time with the kids as he is with them all week so i dont think its an issue. If the kids were nevwr seeing him then fair enough but he needs some alone time too.