To ask if these flowers are sad or ?

[angieroses]

My DH and I lost our son 10 years ago. It's a pretty poignant shitty- anniversary and just so coincided with DH goes back to work after Christmas.
So he goes back to work and he doesn't text/call or anything to say he's thinking of our baby.
He doesn't even hug me or kiss me or say he's thinking about our boy.
I was raging and told him so the following day.
He arrived home with florist bought flowers and a card saying he was so so sorry.
I honestly thought the flowers were for a neighbor. My kids were upset when I got emotional .
I just don't get how DH gets through life without being sad or talking about our boy. I feel angry but helpless as I only want him to help me and be there 😩

I’m sorry to hear about your son. I understand that you are emotional and upset.

But please don’t be angry with your DH. Everyone grieves in their own way and I’m sure he is very sad about your boy, he just shows it differently. We all find our own way to live without the little ones we have lost .

The flowers and card are lovely and you should accept then graciously. Please try to be there for each other - he is reaching out to you and you need to help him too.

Do you want to say more about your son? What was his name?

I know he's also sad and that is why I feel guilty.
It's just a horrible situation to be in. Do I feel for him or does he feel for me?
My boy or our boy was 2 months and died suddenly it was awful.

To lose a child at any age is the worst kind of grief - so deeply sorry for you. But don’t be harsh on your DH - he will have suffered too but, from what I can tell, has no expectations on how this should be managed. Be kind - he tried to recover the situation when clearly you were upset - it wasn’t to your liking but he did at least try.

I agree with @WH1SPERS in that everyone grieves in their own way, and I know many people who when feeling at their worst will simply block it out to the outside world.

I think it's good you were able to express how you felt to your DH and that he responded in an apologetic way - he listened, he took on board what you said, and he took steps in the flowers to apologise and make things better.

I'm sorry to hear about your little one, anniversaries are so hard on all affected, and wish you all the best x

I’m so sorry about your baby

People, close as they may be, grieve so differently and at different times. It’s a constantly changing thing. Personally, I never remember dates - not sure why, might be the impact is too much. Others in my family take comfort from noting anniversaries. Do you both normally do so?

I hope you can chat to your DP about this, if only to check in on how you’re both doing with each other’s grief.