I know I am. Give me a fucking kick up the arse!

[RoryGillmoresEvilTwin]

Ok. As per the title, I 100% know I'm being unreasonable but I don't know how to change it or feel differently.

In my friendship group I'm the only one not financially benefiting from parents/family.
I completely get that it's no one's responsibility to make my life easier in any way but...it's so fucking hard being surrounded by people who seemingly have everything handed to them on a bloody platter!
I'm a lp. I've gone back to full time study to try to improve mine and my child's future lives, I also work pt in my shitty old min wage job because quite frankly, I'm bloody skint. I barely see my child anymore because I'm desperately trying to juggle everything. I'm clocking up about a 70 hr week with uni, comuting and work (not including the expected 20 odd hrs of expected home study 😂)
my home is a total shit hole these days too because I have zero time or energy.

On the other hand I have a single parent friend who works 16 hrs per week in a min wage job. She gets gifts from family on a regular basis of thousands of pounds plus all the top ups like housing benefit, tax creds etc... She's told me herself that she's happy in her low hrs/low stress/low paid job because she knows that she will always have money from her parents and when they die she stands to inherit money and property.
I can definitely see the appeal in doing the bare minimum if you know you'll be comfortable no matter what.

I have other friends who own property because of cash gifts, even gifts of entire houses! Holidays are also paid for.

Again, I know without a doubt IBU...its just hard. I feel like I'm killing myself and I'm still nowhere.
I have no time, no life, no money. We live in a private rented shit hole and I don't even drive because I can't afford it. Holidays are also out of the question (obviously).

Mn, please give me the kicking I need to stop feeling so bloody sorry for myself.

Also before anyone says it...Yes I know it sounds like I'm jealous...I am 😂 it's hard not to be sometimes, but I try very hard to be happy for them too. I mostly succeed at this. I'm just tired and feeling a bit shit about life right now.

OP it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do, life simply isn’t fair but you are doing your best to change it for you and your child. Hang in there, it will get better, when you have finished Uni, your earnings will improve. Give yourself a massive pat on the back for not relying on others/state and the example you are setting.

Am not quite sure what your aibu is exactly - you're not being unreasonable so much as having a tough time. And yes, it appears to be a tougher time than your friends when you compare it, and there does seem to be an element of jealousy which is only human. But really there are always people who have more and less and as we all know that's often no measure of happiness over a lifetime. So things are tough right now but best to focus on yourself and not make yourself feel worse and more helpless if possible. As long as they're good friends to you that's the main thing. Or are you saying you'd feel better if they were struggling too? I'm not sure - maybe you just need to let off steam? Is that the issue - that they don't understand? Sure yanbu but no one is in this scenario I don't think. Hang in there...

@RoryGillmoresEvilTwin it isn't fair. My parents haven't helped me at all despite being very well off.... however I've offset that annoyance as I married someone who helped him and us out.

That's life.

Nobody ever said it would be fair.

But you'll both benefit in the long run from YOUR hard work. How long until you finish? Three years? Four?

Those people could find out that their parent remarries, divorces or leaves everything to the Cats' Home because they didn't approve of something, such as a new partner. In one 'oh, by the way', the money and any hope for the future could be taken away from them. The law could change where the government takes the entire value of the estate to pay for long term care. The one with frequent gifts could find out that a jealous ex or 'friend' tells the social that she has undeclared income of thousands of pounds or her spending patterns flag up on a fraud prevention scan.

YOU are in charge of your destiny, they are purely dependent upon others.

Doesn't change how hard it is now, and it might not turn out bad for them, but it's not so much a kick up the arse you need, it's encouragement to look for the light at the end of the tunnel.

I definitely don't wish hardship on my friends and I very much doubt anyone even knows how much I struggle sometimes. I'm a master at putting a brave face on. People comment how amazing i am and how much energy I have 😂 they also say they couldn't do what I do...the difference being is they don't have to...i suppose I don't either, but I want to have some bloody money one day 😂

It's just hard. I feel guilty and a bit shit all the time. Letting off steam is about right.

YANBU of course. It's infuriating to see everyone around you getting handouts when you're not.

Your time will come though. Lady luck will shine on you one day, some how, some way...........

At least you can hold your head up high, and know you are living your life without handouts!

These handouts will end one day (for these people,) and they won't know where to turn.

Good for you for being strong and independent. I hope your future is happy and prosperous!

I can see why you are knackered and jealous. In the short term, allow yourself sufficient time for rest (where possible). Next, is there any way you can cut down the commute? It sounds like that is hurting you more than the money - I am not going to airily tell you to find a better job when you are already burned out and clinging onto your degree course. As a single parent, do you get any extra support from your uni? Failing that, could you ask for help from your friends, so you get some more time back for yourself? Hugs and hang in there. The degree will be finished eventually and you will be back to just one job and free time again. Ignore the comparisons with your friend's fortune. It sucks, but she will never know your grit, drive and determination.

I assume that you will gain your qualifications, get a better paid job and be better off than your friend in the future. It may seem hard now, but you will be able to look back and be proud of yourself for taking the time and effort. I hope that you will be able to have a holiday in the future. Nobody knows the future, if you can pay your bills now, have your health and have energy to work, study, parent you are doing well.

Hey, just coz you are pissed off at not having it, doesn't mean you resent others who do! We get it.

I'm a bit older and DH and I are the only couple in our friendship group who've had no inheritance or any prospect of getting one. My mother cut me out of her will because "you don't need it" (which wasn't true). It was very upsetting but I had to put it behind me and try to be optimistic that everything we've got is from our own resources. Not that I think people who do inherit have no resources, but you have to find a way to deal with it

Saying 'it's not fair' seems a bit foot stampy and entitled. I try not to think about it in those terms.
It would just be nice, for once, to not have to struggle. I can't imagine being given anything!
Maybe I need poorer friends 😂 which is unfortunate because I really love my friends. Its not their fault..and I am trying to change things.
I have 3 years left.😣😣😣

Ah, sounds like you are working bloody hard and probably exhausted. As others have said, you can feel proud you're doing all this by yourself and studying, working etc as well as bringing up your child is amazing. When your child is older, they will know and appreciate this and think you are amazing too! I know that probably doesn't help much though when it's really tough and you just want a break. Sounds like you're doing grand though and working hard towards a brighter future for you both.

Good luck, keep going, hold your head up high!

It took 4 billion years of an unbroken chain to make you. And not a single one of your ancestors managed to get some money, land or property together. Hence nothing for you.
Bit of a bummer isn't it?

Thank you all for getting it. And thanks for not handing me my arse! 😂
Yes it will be amazing one day and it will be worth it.
It's just one of those nights. I'm contemplating going back to uni next week and knowing, by week 4 into the new semester, i'll be burnt out and beyond stressed.

Hahahaha! Thanks Disquieted1
Yeah it's a bit of a bummer. I'm attempting to change it.
Like I said. One of those nights.

Thanks for all the kind words. Feeling a bit tearful tonight.

Ha ha definitely find some poor friends to socialise with occasionally. You are more than entitled to moan. You've got it tough right now. Keep going! Everything that you have / you will achieve is down to you and that feels great. You are setting a brilliant example to your child. Sometimes when I'm feeling resentful/ jealous I play the glad game. Remind yourself of what you have. And keep going; I believe in you!

Not being unreasonable per se! Sounds like you are doing it tougher than your friends, and we all have Poor Me moments. Except me, obviously, as I am perfect😁! I reckon you should be proud of yourself in what you are managing for the long term benefit of you and the sprigs. The day WILL come and you will be able to know that you did it all yourself.

Curse autocorrect! I meant sprogs!

I definitely realise I'm also quite lucky. I'm lucky to have the opportunity to study and as a result I hope to make a better life.

Apply for a game show. Catchphrase is the best in terms of earning potential with no nasty sting in the tail. No tax to pay on winnings.

YANBU.

I study, have a bastard ex whose hobby is to torture me and have three kids.

I’m envious of my friends who seem to have it so easy and I’ll shamelessly admit that; it’s not that I begrudge them their happiness, I just wish I didn’t have to struggle so much.

One of my lecturers said to me once when I was in tears over exbastard ‘do you not see that you are showing your daughters that they can do anything no matter how hard it is?’

Keep that in mind

Oh my gosh PedunculatedPolp. Just the thought brings me out in a cold sweat 😂
I'd look like a gibbering idiot 😂.

I often fantasize about meeting a millionaire who is insanely attracted to me (and I to him obvs). He would whisk me away to a life of luxury and we'd live our lives being madly in love (and loaded). Then I wake up.
Best get on with my studies 😂

If their lives were harder, it wouldn’t make yours any easier so maybe projecting perceived unfairness isn’t helping.

Keep at it, it will all be worth it. You are working towards something and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe consider letting your friends know how much you struggle. If they are good friends, then sharing your woes might just help relieve the stress.

bananas you're so right and I definitely feel proud of myself and I don't in any way begrudge my friends good fortune.
Like you said, (much better than me), I just wish I had it a bit easier too.