AIBU toast if you ever regretted having told other parents about a mental health problem

[Flyingfish2019]

Dh has one. The parents of the friends of our dcs do not know and I think they wonder about some of the things he does... but I am afraid I will regret it if I tell them.

Have you asked your DH whether he’d be happy with you telling them?

Oh, yes, I have. He said we will be very sorry if we do tell them because some might have a bad reaction... that they won’t let their children see ours anymore.

Seeing as it’s about him, I think if he doesn’t want them to know then you shouldn’t tell them. Some people are very supportive of mental health problems, but some aren’t sadly. I suffer from anxiety and don’t tell many people. Those I have, have mostly reacted well and part of me thinks I should just be open about it as that’s the only way to try to end the stigma. It’s not easy though.

Dh has actually ptsd but with anxiety as the main symptom and I think it would be better for all of us if people knew.
Also much better for him because often people do think he is being impolite when he is being afraid.

Unless he poses a risk to their children (in which case there is obviously a much bigger issue!) then why would you need to tell them?

I would find it strange if someone who was just parent of x started telling me about a mental health problem tbh

(Or any other health problem for that matter!)

My husband also has PTSD and a few of our friends know. Honestly, most people just don't get it even when they do know so I wouldn't tell anyone outside of our closest circle.

Why does anyone even need to know?

Does he pose a risk to kids

If he doesn’t want to tell, then you mustn’t.
But my experience has been wholly positive - I have had recurring major depression, and this year was diagnosed with ADHD, and have been very open about both. Nobody has done worse than be polite, and several friends have been very supportive.
The DF of my DS’s best friend is a recovering alcoholic and druggie with serious depression and anxiety, recently exacerbated by a head injury. He is also an extremely talented writer, a devoted father and frequently minds my children.
No one I know shuns him or his son, even though he is very open about his history.

I have ptsd but I don't really talk about it unless it comes up in conversation.

No, he doesn’t pose a risk to anybody.

@MrsAriadneOliver I think if people knew they would understand his reactions (like avoidance and so on) much better and would not feel he is being impolite.

I told people I had pnd...only people that reacted badly were my in-laws. Made great friends through being open about it.
At the end of the day it's his story to tell.

Sorry to hear your in-laws reacted badly.

Me too. I thought they'd understand but instead changed our relationship forever.

But looking back, without it I'd never have made such good friends so yeah it was worth it in the end.

I don't think I would tell anyone but I might say he hasn't been feeling well if there was something he needed to avoid doing.

I think labelling someone as having a mental health issue sounds alarm bells for some people but if you say they are suffering from anxiety/stress/ptsd or any number of "familiar" mental health conditions people seem to be much more sympathetic and understanding.

My DH's ExP is possibly suffering with mental health issues but he refuses to acknowledge this might be the case. "She is not mental!". I pointed out to him that I suffer from insomnia caused by stress and anxiety...mental health issues and asked him why he was so afraid of the phrase "mental health" but he couldn't/wouldn't explain it. He has suffered from PTSD in the past and needed lengthy counselling to overcome it so I would have hoped he would be more understanding. Eventually I suggested we refer to it as having concerns for her emotional wellbeing to which he readily admitted she probably does have issues.

Other more serious MH conditions will always cause concern to some people and probably best only confide on a need to know basis and to trusted friends/family.

Does your DH think ptsd is not a mental health issue then? I know a lot of those who suffer from ptsd see it as a wound instead of a mental health problem. Tbh I never really understood why the choice of words matters so much.