Is this a mental illness?

[Marypoppins990]

If I need to go somewhere with lots of people I wake that morning feeling shakey, nervous etc just a very strange feeling. After the event I either feel like no one liked me or I feel I've said the wrong thing and go over it and over it in my head and imagining they think I'm this very strange person. I appear very "normal" and put together to look at.

I hope that makes sense. I also feel that way when there is nowhere I need to be so not just social situations but it increases massively in social situations.

It's anxiety and you can learn to manage it.

Yes, it’s social anxiety. If it’s affecting your everyday life and ability to function you need to see a GP.

Very, very broadly (I can't overemphasise how broad of a definition this is), if it's causing you difficulty in engaging in what you'd reasonably expect in your day to day life then it's a mental illness. For all the things MN does well, medical diagnosis isn't one of them, I highly recommend that you speak to your GP, particularly if this is a new problem for you or if you're struggling more than you used to.

It’s anxiety. Make an appointment with the GP and just say what you’ve said here. Good luck

Yep, social anxiety/social phobia.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/social-anxiety/

Nope - just very shy. I've often felt like this + still do. I find social things like parties really confusing + never feel like I've done myself justice.

At work I'm confident + people often say the office atmosphere is much warmer + fun when I arrive. Try not to worry too much as you'll find other's perception of you differs from yours. Do you have a good friend who would guide you and reassure you?

Social anxiety.

I can empathise

Anxiety. Know that feeling

Nope - just very shy.

NotOnTheBench Incorrect. It ceases to be shyness and enters into anxiety and mental health territory when it affects your ability to function.

I'm 50 next year. Never taken any 'anxiety drugs' or anything like that. I'm a wreck when I have to go to parties or be in social situations.
Over the years I have learnt to avoid them. At work, I only socialised at Xmas, rest of the time got on with my call center work.
After having children it got better (strange I know), but with my DD1 I was a 'Tiger Mom' and would have ripped anyones head off if they looked at her wrong.
It calmed down when she got to 4 months old.
She is now 17 and I've been self employed and much happier being able to control my work day.
I still break out in a sweat about social gatherings, but will happily go and camp solo in the middle of Dartmoor for fun.
Go figure...

Thank you all. I had an idea it was anxiety, I would like to avoid the GP as I'm worried it will come back and bite me in butt at a later date.

@Aquamarine1029 do you have any tips how to manage it?

@NotOnTheBench yes I often feel I haven't done my self justice after group/social or even one to one situations.

I do have tips, and I learned them by reading Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Panic Attacks by Barry McDonough. This book changed my life. My anxiety started out of the blue about 3-4 years ago due to hormonal changes due to perimenopause which is VERY common and VERY much dismissed by the medical community. I strongly believe that most people CAN manage their anxiety without pills. The meds doctors pump out have very serious side effects and that was not a route I wanted to go down. That's my personal feeling, obviously you or anyone else need to do what's best for them.

Basically, this book teaches you to STOP running from your anxiety and the awful feelings it causes. We become so brainwashed by our fear of anxiety that we have anxiety just worrying about having another attack. It's a horrible, vicious cycle. Anxiety can't harm you. It's just an overload of pesky cortisol hormone, and that's it. You absolutely, 100% can learn to manage this and take your power back.

@Aquamarine1029 thank you I will be investing in that book, hope it helps me.

There's a really good (free) self help guide for social anxiety on a site called moodjuice. Google will find it for you.

If you try the self help stuff and still feel you need more support, do talk to your GP. Low - intensity CBT can be really helpful for social anxiety. Why do you think it might bite you on the butt?

There are some useful CBT methods on YouTube to help.
When I know I have a big thing coming I practise some deep breathing and mild meditation.
Most people don't notice if you say the wrong thing, who cares if you do. I have said some corkers in the past but I can't think of one of them now.

I could if wrote that myself when I first realised I had anxiety, I'm in my 30s now and still feel that when u leave somewhere but it's a lot more bearable and I've learnt to help myself xx

It does sound like you are experiencing Social Anxiety. It is quite common though and many many people have the symptoms of an anxiety disorder at some point in their lifetime. The best route to go down is to visit your GP and ask to be referred for some CBT, as it is the treatment with the strongest evidence base for Social Anxiety. If you are not too keen, you could start with some self help and see if that makes a dent in your experiences. I would recommend Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler as something which might help

Today I had a meet up with a couple of the school mums and our dc at the local park. I got asked a simple question about my self and totally screwed up the answer (it was so obvious what I said wasn't true) they all looked at me strange and now probably think I'm deluded, in denial or that I don't know my self. It was so embarrassing I had a panic attack when I got home and now I'm worried sick they are all going to be laughing at me, thinking I'm strange and what hurts me the most is I feel I've let my dd down massively as she has to go all the way through school with the other mums children and I just feel I've reflected badly on my dd.

If my dd didn't go the same school as their dc I wouldn't feel to bad but now I just want the ground to swallow me up.

I wish I could turn back the time and fix it as it was going very well up until that point. I just wish I could re answer that question

I don't understand why I do this, I'm sat here in tears of upset and frustration.

What makes it worse, most of the other mums knew the answer so they must think I'm right deluded so and so.

@marypoppins990
They'll have gone away from the conversation not giving it more than a second's thought.
So easy to replay conversations in your head and think FFS what did I say that for! Then overthink it. I do it too.
It's your anxiety talking. Try and give it the mental two fingers and ignore it. easier said than done I know

Awh I wouldn't worry to much about saying the wrong thing.
Lots of ppl are nervous and social environments can throw them, the people who notice are usually kind people and do their best to make a nervous person feel better.
I went through a stage of social anxiety when I first went back to work, I used to feel self conscious and say the wrong things.
I started to practice answers to typical question and answers so if asked the answer came without my thoughts rushing everywhere.
You just need to build your self confidence some books are brilliant for starters and light mediation.

Anxiety is truly awful. Emerald that was great advice.

Thank you all.
I've Been a lot better today. It seemed to come out of no where, I think the last few months it's really crept in.

I dont think it's a mental illness