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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel a bit miffed

17 replies

labyrinth · 05/01/2019 12:22

Bit outing but never mind.

DD is 4 and DS is 1.

DP has a relative that flies helicopters. He's been up numerous times. I'm not keen on the idea so have always politely refused.
Hes taken DD up in a helicopter before. I didn't like it, expressed this, but it fell on deaf ears. He's done it again a couple of times since. Each time I've said how annoyed I am but he doesn't listen and always goes on about how she loved it.
Today he's taken the kids out to allow me to have a post Xmas declutter and sort the kids rooms.
I've just found out he intends to take them both up in a helicopter again.
I'm miffed. I've told him I don't like it, that I'd rather be didn't, and if it were up to me they wouldn't go up until they're older.

What adds to this is that when he's been up with the relative before he's told me that he always shows off and has acted dangerously and had several near misses. In fact he once said he'd never fly with him again due to his behaviour!

Would you be miffed too? AIBU to think he shouldn't take such young kids up like that with his reckless relative?
I wouldn't trust said relative to babysit the kids for 5 minutes on land so trusting him to keep my babies safe in the sky is a little hard for me. DP is of course up there with them too but it pisses me off that he doesn't listen to me!

OP posts:
Nesssie · 05/01/2019 12:30

if it were up to me they wouldn't go up until they're older.
Why does it make any difference how old they are?

HollowTalk · 05/01/2019 12:32

I agree with you. He shouldn't take them up. There's no point to it at their age. But it's the safety that concerns me - would he take them in a car with an irresponsible driver? Is he insane, going up with that guy himself?

Bigonesmallone3 · 05/01/2019 12:33

My DP step dad flies a small 2 man plane, DP has been up in it (fine he's an adult) my DS has been in it, on the ground with a couple of hops a couple feet from the ground along the run way when he was about 7/8..
I will not allow DS now 9 in the air in that plane under no circumstances and this has been accepted by the family with no questions as he is MY son.. I don't know if I'm a bit OTT but if anything was to happen I would never forgive myself or anyone involved.. for u to say I'm miffed but haven't actually stopped it is a bit wet I think!

Celebelly · 05/01/2019 12:34

What adds to this is that when he's been up with the relative before he's told me that he always shows off and has acted dangerously and had several near misses. In fact he once said he'd never fly with him again due to his behaviour!

Yeah, no way would I be OK with my kids going in a helicopter with someone who behaves like this.

labyrinth · 05/01/2019 12:34

Because at 1 year old I'm pretty sure DS doesn't know what a helicopter is let alone if he would like to fly in one.
Also they wiggle about and can't sit still and the headsets are too big. Pretty sure it's important that all passengers understand the safety brief and need to know what to do in an emergency etc and DP can only sort one child at once. When they are older and more capable I don't think I'd worry so much.

OP posts:
Pachyderm1 · 05/01/2019 12:34

I don’t think it makes a difference how old they are - they aren’t more likely to survive a crash if they’re teenagers instead of babies.

That said - it sounds like this relative is reckless and idiotic so YANBU to be concerned. If he were a responsible pilot it would be one thing, but it doesn’t sound like he is.

labyrinth · 05/01/2019 12:36

DP Will just take them anyway. What am I meant to do? Stop him taking the kids out by himself? No one else in his family sees an issue with it but I do.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/01/2019 12:37

I will not allow DS now 9 in the air in that plane under no circumstances and this has been accepted by the family with no questions as he is MY son

Yes but the OP says that her DP is ther DC's dad, so that does make a difference.

Completely different if the step parent wants to take the kids up. The natural parent should have the final say.

haverhill · 05/01/2019 12:37

If the pilot is a risk-taking show-off, you need to put your foot immovably down and keep it there!

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2019 12:39

Meant to say it's the 'showing off' that would bother me.

If he was a perfectly sensible and competent pilot it wouldn't.

I'd see it as no different to driving the kids around in a car, which has a far greater chance of ending badly.

Bigonesmallone3 · 05/01/2019 12:42

@WorraLiberty
My DP is my children's father and he is ok with him going in the plane, but I'm not so it won't happen..

Baconmaket · 05/01/2019 12:43

YANBU. No way would I want my kids doing that. I would put my foot down on that one. DP is being really disrespectful by ignoring your wishes.

Baconmaket · 05/01/2019 12:44

I'd see it as no different to driving the kids around in a car, which has a far greater chance of ending badly.

Why on earth do you think a car is more dangerous than a helicopter? They're not at all the fatality rate per hour in a hellicopter is far higher than a car, especially a privately pilot like OP is describing.

WorraLiberty · 05/01/2019 12:56

My DP is my children's father and he is ok with him going in the plane, but I'm not so it won't happen..

Sorry I got the wrong end of the stick because you said "He is MY son", rather than 'Our' son IYSWIM.

Baconmarket .....

At a glance | Helicopter accidents in Europe
2017: 43 accidents, 11 fatal
2016: 52 accidents, 12 fatal
2015: 84 accidents, 17 fatal
2014: 98 accidents, 15 fatal
2013: 103 accidents, 25 fatal
Source: International Helicopter Safety Team

Taken from this link

Justaboy · 05/01/2019 13:14

"There are old pilots and bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots"

In fact my DD's have been flying, one was capable of doing take offs and landings at around 8 years old! but she was with a man who fly's 747's as the day job. I very much doubt the 1 year old should even be in chopper.

You could try a post for more info over on Pprune the prosessional pilots site they have a section called rotorhears they might know more but this bloke sounds very "iffy" to me!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 05/01/2019 13:39

Most private helicopter places have a lower age limit for passengers so no under fours.

Presumably for insurance but it might be to do with aviation law. CAA website might be worth a look. Certainly rules apply in terms of appropriate and safe seatbelts.

However more concerning is his dangerous flying if he’s prone to showing off. There’s no way I’d let my children (whatever age) into a helicopter with a pilot taking risks.

Confusedbeetle · 05/01/2019 14:15

I think if you have such concerns your partner must respect your wishes

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