To wonder is it possible for groups of mums to be friends

[Janepear]

I am part of a friendship group of mums. We know each other through our dcs at school. A year ago two of the mums fell out over some issues with their dcs and now another mum has fallen out with another couple of mums again over fall outs with their dcs. Is it possible to be friends when your dcs are friends? Can adult friendships survive once the dcs fall out? Standing in the playground everyday it seems does not bring out the best in people?

You have to remember that a lot of them are only friends in the first place because of their kids. I have so little in common with the school mums (asides from our children) that there is no chance I would even meet them in real life let alone becone fast friends.

*theyre nice people just nothing in common (we all live in different places, they are all 10-20 years older than me, most of them are not the kind of women that pushed themselves intellectually/had full on careers-those ones don’t do drop offs or pick ups- a lot of them work out -I don’t move if I can avoid it-and so on). We’d never meet in real life.

My mum is still good friends with three or four of the women she met at antenatal classes and playgroups when I was born, thirty years ago. But they all had things in common beyond just having children of the same age like Racecardriver says. If women are only friends because they’ve found themselves at the school gates together then there’s no real bond or sense of closeness and of course there are more likely to be rifts if somebody perceives their DC is being upset by another DC.

I think these big playground friendship groups are odd and completely unsustainable. These are a group of.adults with whom the main thing you have in common is a.child of similar age?! More realistically, forming one or two close.friendships over time is possible. But I think the big groups will all eventually implode or reduce to a smaller core group as people realize they don t have much in common/fall out.

I have a group of friends, met via school but we are all really good friends outside school. Its about whether you are lucky enough to find people you really click with.

I met one of my best friends through our daughters when they were in reception. The girls started out as best friends too but now fall out regularly. Still best mates with my friend.

I think not getting involved in our daughters’ fall outs helps massively although there have been some epic ones- the rare times we do step in we’re on the same side. And I love her kids and she loves mine just as much as we always have.

I think the adult friendships can work out fine. My older DS is in his twenties now and I'm still good friends with 4 mum's from his primary school reception class. One child ended up going to a different secondary school, a couple had a minor falling out in secondary school, and with the others they drifted apart a little. From the children being about 13 we stopped meeting up as families and now it's just the mum's getting together perhaps 3/4 times a year. I'd like to hope the 'children' would all get on if they did ever meet up one day though.

The last time I ‘fell out’ with anyone or heard of friends of mine ‘falling out’ with each other, I was at school myself.

I have lots of adult women friends, the majority are mothers. My children are friends with many of their children, and not friendly with still more. Of course it is possible for us to be friends.

I’m really good friends with my mum group from nursery, then primary together. The dcs are no longer friends but we still are. But we would have been friends even if we hadn’t met at the school gates. Think it just depends.

I met a group of four other mums at a play group.
Our kids are at school now and we are really good friends. They are the group who get it,we all have 3+ children and we are all a similar age.
Every couple of weeks we meet for a coffee usually with the kids or sometimes the park to then every couple of months we go out for a nice meal, drink to much, put the world to rights then go dancing TIL stupid o'clock in the morning.
I have four dc and have meet hundreds of mums through activities, school, play groups but I'm friend with these women because we genuinely get on and are similar people.

I think so, as long as the adults don't behave like children and put any arguments between the children in perspective.
I haven't personally made a group of friends through the school. I sort of did with my eldest but it fell apart when one of them turned out to be rather toxic and bitching about everyone. That would have happened regardless of how we'd met her but I think I would have spotted this in her sooner has I not been forced to spend time with her and try and make a friendship where in truth there wasn't one . It's almost 10 years since we all met and we all get on well enough if we bump into each other but I tend to avoid big meet ups as the children aren't really friends anymore.

I have made 1 or 2 really good friends through my youngest but most definitley not part of a group.

There is a playground group in that year that go for weekly coffee mornings and camping holidays etc but I also know its all a bit fake. I'm not a group person anyway which is something I've learnt about myself over the years so maybe it's me.

We're a group that did.

Met through our kids, saw each other on the playground all through primary and meet as a group a couple of times a year now and the kids are in sixth form.

The key is not to get overly involved in their ups and downs.

My group of mum friends met 5 years ago and we've gone out together once a month ever since. Of course we don't fall out, we're adults. I don't have a lot in common with most of them, but they are lovely women who are wonderful, supportive friends.

Chanklybore I assume you are meaning to be patronising with your response. Please correct me if I am wrong.