To wonder wtf my exH is thinking

[phoebesmaternitytrousers]

NC for this as I'm genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable.

I have 2 DC, 5 and 7. ExH left when the youngest was 6 months and moved 2 hours away to be with OW. I have put a lot of annoyance about being left alone with such young babies to one side - he left me with debts and no income - for the sake of a good relationship for the kids.

We are on good terms and I have worked my way up to a good job to support us. We are a happy family of 3 and he has them EOW. In general we all run along fine.

Recently he had built the kids a 'den' in his house. It's an attic room, I've seen it on face time - accessed by a ladder and through an open hatch. There's no protective measures to stop kids falling through the hatch. DS told me he nearly fell down the ladder last weekend.

Their DGM has bought them soft furniture and toys for their new den and exH has painted and done it all nicely for them. Kids are thrilled and love it. But I can't help but feel it's completely irresponsible of him to not have safety measures around the hatch - if kids fell through it's a drop of around 10ft, and as young children they're unaware of such dangers.

Back story - exH has much more of a 'free range' approach to parenting than me and I've had to remind him about a couple of safety issues that I feel he just doesn't 'get' as he's never been a full time parent.

AIBU to make a fuss about this?

I think he needs to put something in place to ensure the kids don't fall. My 7yo is constantly falling, tripping, bumping.

Thanks @CheekyNandosForMe, that's what I think too

I would message/phone your EX and just tell him what your DS told you. That he almost fell down the hatch. Ask whether there's any safety measures put in to prevent that happening as it raised alarm bells? I think broaching the subject on the back of what your DS told you is a little more diplomatic, rather than going in annoyed and/or all guns blazing.

I don't necessarily think you're being unreasonable, but the way you confront the situation could be. So just be tactful.

What sort of things could your Ex do to make you happy? I think you would be better placed if you could propose something "sensible" that would do what you want it to.

Shit sandwich time.
Kids are really excited about the den, an excellent idea.
They are a bit worried about falling down the open hatch, what have you in mind?
Really nice of dgm to help make it snug for them

By the way, a babygate makes a decent grid to cover the hatch hole....

@Jamiefraserskilt excellent idea! I didn't want to go in without a proposal for how he could make things safer, I will suggest this

It depends where the hatch is in the loft and how the loft ladder (I assume there is one) folds up. In my loft there wouldn’t be anything I could do, due to the layout.

However, even if I could, I wouldn’t. They’re not toddlers, they’re 5 & 7. They are old enough to play away from the hatch and take some responsibility for themselves. Kids these days are far too babied and don’t learn to think for themselves.

I think your being daft and splitting hairs because the kids are excited about their new room and it annoys you/makes you jealous that he treated you like that. You do all the hard parenting/graft and they get to have all the fun at daddies.

I don't think you're daft at all - in my experience of parenting boys of that age they dash around at a million miles an hour with no thought for consequences and are extremely accident prone. Tell him that you love what he's done for them but are worried sick about them falling.

Not to pearl clutch...but can they get out quickly and safely in the case of a fire?

I slipped coming down the ladder from our loft hatch when I was about 7/8 (was wearing socks) landed on my back on the landing - badly winded but fortunately nothing worse. It’s not just the hatch that’s the issue but also climbing/descending a metal ladder in socks or slippers - barefoot or shoes are needed

I would be very worried about them falling. The man who lived in our house before us had a similar accident. He died.

It was a great idea of your exHs, I'd have loved something like that as a kid! Actually I'd still love it now, but as a reading room/mini library :o

But I do agree that the loft hatch needs covering. My 7yr old is often away with the fairies and she has a dreadful habit of looking behind her while walking forwards, the amount of lampposts and hedges she's nearly walked into... The baby gate one is a good idea, one of those extendable ones that you screw onto the wall would work. He wouldn't have to put the latch on that keeps it shut, just screw the hinges down so the gate lifts up off the floor and it can simply be lifted up to let the kids out.

Putting a railing around the top so they can't fall straight through is pretty basic. My fil put one in their loft once the grandkids came along.

I don’t go into my loft unless my DD is home. My Dad had a bad fall from a ladder years ago so I like to be supervised just in case!

Thanks for the input everyone. I don't thing I'm pearl clutching - as a PP has said accidents happen and sometimes with awful consequences. My Mum fell out of a loft once, she broke four ribs and punctured a lung and was really very poorly. They're kids and are responsible to as degree but walk into lamp posts because they are sometimes away with the fairies! I will speak to exH about the safety measures he can put in place.

Also, if he's made the loft into a proper room that can be classed as habitable (lined, boarded, plastered, painted etc) he actually needs planning permission and he can get in big trouble, and the building inspector would either make him revert it back to a loft or make him put a proper staircase in.

My brother has this in his house for his eldest. He fixed stair bannister around 3 sides of the hatch. The open side is too narrow with low ceilings to accidentally walk into. He needs to make it safe.