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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu with my son

25 replies

FedUpMum40 · 04/01/2019 22:45

Son 18 has been in slot of trouble with police, has no interest in getting a job, I exploded tonight, he come in absolutely stinking of weed, this is a constant thing but the smell just was so strong tonight I lost it and have chucked him out, he's been heavily into weed for a couple of years now , just tired of it, he has no money to buy it so is getting it from mates, when I tell him how smoking weed like he does will affect him in later life he just laughs at me, and tries to tell me how good it is for people, he totally misses the point how different it is smoking it like he does to those who use it for pain relif !
It's not like he works and has a joint now and agin, so aibu to have sent him away?

OP posts:
JellyBears · 04/01/2019 23:00

Nope not unreasonable at all! Sounds like he needs a kick up the backside.

CheekyNandosForMe · 04/01/2019 23:03

Sorry you're going through this.
I haven't had to deal with this sort of thing yet.
There isn't much you can do at this point except either provide him with a roof and encourage him to do something with his life, or chuck him out until he is reasonable.
Have the police had any advice at all?

StillMe1 · 04/01/2019 23:04

Was his spot of bother with the Police connected to the Weed issue?
I would not want someone who was in bother with the Police and smoking weed in my house.

If DS has a criminal record it can affect your house insurance.
Are there other DCs in the house who could be influenced by DS's habits?

GreenTulips · 04/01/2019 23:05

Sometimes actions speak louder than words

See what the next week brings

Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 04/01/2019 23:09

Drug related police incidents yes, he's the middle child older child can't stand him cause his attitude and my eldest can't stand the weed smell either, younger child just hates all the arguing, he's had anything handed on a plate, he messed up at school, then offered college, messed that up, now we find him applying for 40 grand a year jobs!! I just don't want it in my house anymore, it's freezing outside, but I'm sure he will stay round a mates, but am sitting here wondering if he's cold!
I keep saying to myself tough love is the way to go, but it's hard

OP posts:
Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 04/01/2019 23:10

No criminal recored as yet, but fear it won't be long

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Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 04/01/2019 23:35

Cheekynandos this has been on going since he was 16, the police say their exact words were he's 16 if you chick him out then I could be prosecuted if anything happens to him as in neglect, when he turned 17 they said he's on his own, ss won't touch him as they said he comes from a good background so nothing they can do, but now he is 18 he has to face up to getting into trouble now

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Maelstrop · 04/01/2019 23:41

You need to make him take it seriously. No more weed or it’s a permanent out of the house thing.

Singlenotsingle · 04/01/2019 23:51

Have you got a shed? If so, put a single bed in it and tell him to sleep there. My DS smokes (not weed) and if I had a spare shed, that's what I'd do. Unfortunately our are full of lawnmowers and tools.

Cranky17 · 04/01/2019 23:52

I’m sorry op you are in a difficult situation,
All you can do is chose what’s acceptable for you, tell him and stick to it.
You can’t make him behave,
I kicked out my dss for very similar but worse behaviour, each day I moved my boundaries because he just kept pushing and in the end we stuck to it. I don’t feel great about it, however he knew and choose to still do these things. That’s his choice to make.
How things get better.

Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 04/01/2019 23:52

Currently knocking at the door I'm refusing to let him in

OP posts:
Cranky17 · 04/01/2019 23:53

Hope

Cranky17 · 04/01/2019 23:55

I think I’d let me in, search him, let him stay the night, write down rules and he’s last chance salon. If you’ve already done this, I’m sorry

Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 04/01/2019 23:58

Yep it's all been done, If I let him in I'm just relenting as per usual, this is what cause arguments with everyone else as I'm the soft one on him usually

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Cranky17 · 05/01/2019 00:01

I think it’s important to realise this may go one if two ways, either he sorts himself out, knuckles down and develops into a functioning member of society and part of your family. Or it get worse for him, and inevitably worry for you.

Singlenotsingle · 05/01/2019 00:09

Leave him there. One night won't hurt and it might make him see you mean business.

Weezol · 05/01/2019 00:14

Don't let him back in. The rest of the family need to come first from now on. Please stick to your decision.

FiggyFudgePot · 05/01/2019 00:18

"Sounds like he needs a kick up the backside" True that.

Due to temperature outside I would let him indoors and confront him with a few home truths first thing in the morning.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1053488-A-plea-to-watch-your-teenagers-and-cannabis-use

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/1038854-Desperately-seeking-any-mumsnetters-with-experience-of-Clozapine-especially-withdrawal

DocusDiplo · 05/01/2019 00:20

You can ask him tom to move out but perhaps better not as a flighty argument? Let him in a d pack bags etc tomorrow and look for a bed. Seems a bit cruel this way? Sorry he is making your life hell.

Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 05/01/2019 00:44

I have let him in, q his older brother telling him a few home truths! And for the first time ever he didn't say anything cocky back, I think he a bit taken aback how I chucked him and his mate out and left him outside, but my stomach was doing summersults knowing he was cold, i have looked into rehab, it's 1000 a week and every 2 weeks a extra 500 for a detox, it's out of our reach, the bloke on phone was nice and said about going through doctors, but he has to be willing which he isn't, he has had a job and when he does work he does all hours under the sun and gave housekeeping ect, he's not a bad lad, he doesn't mug people, or beat people up, but this is messing his life up and he just either can't see it or doesn't want to, he thinks we all over react, I can't continue like this none of us can, and I would hate to be a mum who is estranged from one of their children! He maybe 18 in age but I have to stop shielding him and seeing him as a young boy I suppose

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Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 05/01/2019 00:48

Docus we have done that, he ended up going to one of his mates house who's mother actively encourage drug taking, I reported him missing they found him there couldn't remove him, but said to me he shouldn't be staying there, another time he went to stay with a family from a boy he knows, the mum is known for taking in kids who have had fallings out with family, she just likes youngesters around, there was underage sex going on, family under social themselves, he came back in a state, I had to take him to get antibiotics and take him to dentists for emergency app as his teeth had suffered😪just out of ideas

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Original poster
FedUpMum40 · 05/01/2019 00:50

Foggy that is so sad, and that's exactly what I'm frightened of, year ago it got that bad I would be driving around in the middle of the night looking for him, having reoccurring dreams of finding his body

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Aquamarine1029 · 05/01/2019 01:57

Stand strong and don't cave. He needs to find his own way. You can't do this for him and you are not responsible for his shit decisions.

FiggyFudgePot · 05/01/2019 10:21

www.changegrowlive.org/

^they might be able to help?

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