What is acceptable on a night out?

[houser]

Friend and I having a debate on what is acceptable on a night out when you're in a LTR.

She thinks flirting and dancing with the opposite sex is okay on a night out as long as it goes no further and I don't think that's acceptable!

Taking to the MN jury for this one!!

And what if you've gone with a group of friends to a larger party where there is dancing? Are you only dancing with your partner? Could you dance with another member of the party if you liked the song and your date didn't?

Many years ago, at an Army ball, a friend of one of our table asked for an introduction and was told politely that I had just become engaged. It was how these things were done. No offence given and none taken.

I would only do something on a night out, that I’d also do if OH was watching. He’s not a natural flirt, but it wouldn’t bother me if he was. I can be flirty, it doesn’t bother him. But if he didn’t like me doing it, I wouldn’t, whether he was there or not.

Nobody's opinion matters bar the people in the relationship.

I resorted to YouTube for guidance on a slut drop.

I'm not planning on this in any context but I'd be hugely impressed with my knees, back, and hip flexors if they were up to performing this. [pines]

I'm someone who never liked the clubbing scene, I guess you don't either. Find ways to enjoy your free time with like minded people and let your friends enjoy a bit of harmless fun.

I would be very upset if my DH danced with other women and flirted with them.

I assume we're not talking about a nice waltz here!

I think if both of partners are comfortable with it, then fine. If one isn't then not fine

None of it would bother me but then I'm not fussed about monogamy anyway.
Mind you, as a side-note - I go to ceilidhs sometimes (folk dances) and everyone dances with everyone. OK, someone might ask you to dance because they fancy you, but mostly it's just a matter of 'would you like to do this dance because I need a dancing partner' and accepted as such.

Since when is 42 too old for dancing? What is the cut off age?

Do 67 year-olds have a place in this discussion? I love dancing and have done all my life. My husband hates it - doesn't do it, doesn't like watching it whether it's a night club floor or the Royal Ballet, just doesn't understand it or see the point of it.

We have a lot of motorcycle events round here and the town's a biker magnet so the pubs and hotel bars are full of OAP bikers some weekends. DH and I have an arrangement - I'm allowed to flirt and chat with the old un's whether he's there or not. He's usually there, chatting with the same group, but even if he's not I mention him and wear a wedding ring. There's never going to be any extramarital shenannigans, just a few risque comments and a bit of dancing.

Keeps me active, happy and feeling alive. He reaps the benefit when we get home.

I don't mind if my dh flirts on a night out. So long as it's a moment or two not spending the entire evening together. Same for dancing.

I would dance with men in a group along with my female friends, but not one to one (so no 'twerking/grinding/slut-dropping' type stuff or close, slow dances) and would be perfectly happy if DH did the same (to be fair, he is the most "enthusiastic" dancer I have ever witnessed, so would likely have a 2 metre wide zone free around him ).

With regards to flirting, I wouldn't sit chatting intently one to one with a guy, but would happily join in chatting with a group of people (mixed male and female) and would possibly be a little flirty - but I would absolutely mention my DH, early in the conversation. I don't drink, so I'm confident I know where to draw the line, but back in my drinking days (and pre-children) I regularly flirted loads with guys on a night out - never danced with them, kissed or did anything else with them, didn't exchange numbers etc. but did let them buy me a drink!

If it were DH talking to women, I expect he'd find nothing wrong with talking one to one with someone, but would be unlikely to flirt - he's generally quite intimidated by women who flirt with him, unless it's me! I think I'd be ok with him flirting a little though, just so long as he had mentioned the fact that he's married (make that happily married!)

Other than a quick peck on the cheek to greet/say goodbye to members of the opposite sex, I think any further intimacy, such as a cuddle (rather than a quick hug) or hand holding, let alone kissing or anything more, would definitely count as cheating in my book.

Bloody hell, it's a minefield isn't it?! No wonder we never go out out anymore!

If we're talking a Conga line or Oops Upside Your Head then I don't see the problem.
Twerking and grinding - wrong for many reasons.

If a man were to come and talk to me in a bar I wouldn't ignore him just because I was in a relationship - I just wouldn't openly flirt and be all over him. The two aren't mutually exclusive.

Why is this relevant anyway? Surely she sets her own boundaries in her relationships?

@GhostSauce typing the words 'twerk' and 'grind' make me feel unclean...

@arranbubonicplague I think mine would be renamed the 'sciatica drop' or the 'sphincter drop' depending on the day.
Can't imagine it looking very 'slutty'(?) dropping down when my hips pop out, my knees crack and I let out an almighty fart.

Another thread where I feel miles away from the general consensus.

Yes, I would dance, and flirt on a night out. So would DH, and then he'd tell me all the details the next day.

We also dance with other people when we're out together, as we are incapable of dancing together without treading on each others toes. We are both terrible flirts, and getting married twenty odd years ago has not held us back.

To my knowledge, no third party has ever felt led on by this, and neither of us has ever had a problem with jealousy. I'm just delighted that I married a man who gets a buzz out of me enjoying myself.

Not that I particularly go out anymore, specially without my OH, but I'd only dance with anyone regardless of their gender, if they were a mate anyway. And most dancing in the industrial scene wouldn't involve touching or any of that grinding kind of behaviour (didn't think that was dancing, IMHO it's not dancing it's hardcore flirting/ sexual behaviour but each to their own). It's only in mainstream clubs I've ever encountered people trying to dance that closely with strangers. I've always batted them off.

You can dance with whoever you want to dance with. But try to think about how certain kinds of 'dancing' come across as suggestible. I'd feel funny if my OH danced like that with anyone else. Mostly because it's the last kind of dancing he would ever do, so I'd wonder if he was sick 😂

Can't imagine it looking very 'slutty'(?) dropping down when my hips pop out, my knees crack and I let out an almighty fart.

Pretty much the only episode of Scrubs I've ever seen was Series 3, Episode 8, "My Friend the Doctor" and I've never forgotten the scenes where Dr Cox hurts his back and then has to pick up his badge:

Followed by the part with his girlfriend (?):

Jordan: I've been thinking about what you said this morning. And you're right, we have not been having enough sex lately.
Dr. Cox: Turns out yes, yes we have.
Jordan: No, we haven't. And tonight, we're gonna do it the way you always fantasized about.
Dr. Cox: Laying down in a big tub of ice?

scrubs.fandom.com/wiki/My_Friend_the_Doctor_transcript

I laughed myself silly at the ice - to this day, my DH who is rarely ill and never had a back/musculoskeletal problem has no idea why I found this so funny.

@arranbubonicplague that is brilliant!
A day in my life looks exactly like that. If I drop something on the floor I debate how much I actually want it - 9 times out of 10 leaving it where it's fallen.

Still a bit bitter about the £5 note in Tesco, but... pain...

See I don’t think flirting is ok when in a long term relationship, I wouldn’t do it and I hope dh would have more respect for me than to do it.

Dancing well it depends if it’s with a female friends or the sodding person you’ve been flirting with all night, only 1 of them is ok imo.

We also dance with other people when we're out together, as we are incapable of dancing together without treading on each others toes. We are both terrible flirts, and getting married twenty odd years ago has not held us back.

To my knowledge, no third party has ever felt led on by this

Yes, I can well imagine that. All of your victims are hobbling off at the fastest speed they can attain before Mr/Mrs richenough manages to crush their feet again.

What would you be happy with your OH doing would be a good starting point.

If you’re like 20 and have a uni boyfriend, yes, that’s probably fine. If you’re married and no longer at uni, no probably not appropriate. Not something I would do and my dh would avoid any hint of such a situation, but it’s been probably a decade since I’ve sniffed the inside of a club so that’s probably not saying much.

I wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t happy with my DH doing. Absolutely wouldn’t flirt or ‘grind’ with another man. I’m quite outgoing and a like going to clubs too, but just wouldn’t do anything like this with another man. I do acknowledge that everyone’s relationship is different though.

Scarbados - love your post!