To feel I'm at the end of my tether

[Flamef]

I'm sat here in tears writing this and feel like a failure for admitting it.

Since my DD turned 5 her behaviour has been awful towards me. They tell me she is a delight at school and her grandparents say she is well behaved at their house.

However, she is just plain mean to me. She ruined my christmas by her constant tantrums and back chatting. Her most recent horrible comments have come regarding my weight calling me fat and comparing me to other mum's

I just don't know how to deal with it. Tonight she called me fat and I lost it, shouted and screamed at her. Is this normal behaviour for a 5 year old?

Anyone? 😓

Hey - I didn’t want to read and run. I have no advice really but they do say you kick those closest to you. Are there any changes in life she might not be able to express feelings about?

We've recently moved house but the behaviour started before then so not sure if that's anything to do with it

Did she start school this year?? I’ve heard poor behaviour is pretty common then because they have to hold it together all day and then let it out when they feel safe

My DD was a joy before she turned 3.... kind, caring, compliant, never said no or tantrumed. Then she turned 3 and it was like someone flipped a switch! I thought it’s just being a threenager, she’ll get better when she turns 4.... unfortunately she’s worse! Moody, negative and cheeky a lot of the time and so awkward! I know it’s largely just growing pains and adjusting to her new sibling... and some days I get a glimpse of my beautiful kind girl back again but some days are just

I find she’s better if I make a concerted effort to give her lots of attention and praise and love, even when she’s being grotty. Look up “love bombing”

I've been here, my friends have been here.....they maybe 5, 10 or 13 and they are angels for everyone else but a nightmare to you

No magic advice as it does pass (we all lose it and shout tho) but I found talking them through what they said and asking them why they want to say or do these things, making them realise how hurtful it was.

Tell her you love her and that you always will

My friend's son was like this. Lovely with everyone apart from his mum. They had been through upheaval during his life, a couple of relationship breakdowns and subsequent house moves. I think he was unsettled/lacked control and expressed it through his behaviour towards her. Not sure whether you're in a similar boat or whether your daughter is just going through a difficult phase. Is she able to talk to you about how she feels & why she behaves that way when she's calmed down?

Poor you - that must be so hard.

I would start with the basics - choose a time when you are both in a decent, calm frame of mind and tell her you'd like to have a chat with her. I'd explain to her that when she calls you names, it hurts your feelings and makes you feel sad. She's not too young to understand and feel some empathy - ask her how she would feel if you were to call her names (obviously stress that you wouldn't, but what if?)

Then I'd ask her where she has learned these behaviours from - are other girls at school saying similar things to her perhaps? If there is a problem at school or elsewhere, you may be able to get to the bottom of it.

Maybe you could come to an agreement on some really basic 'rules' for how you treat one another; such as use kind words, be gentle with your hands and use good manners - do things like reward/sticker charts work for your DD @Flamef?

I try to teach our DDs that we are a Team as a family - we are all on the same side, working together to make one another's lives as happy and easy as possible, wherever we can. That means that we do nice things for each other, we compliment one another and are respectful of everyone else. Perhaps try to get your DD to see that you're on the same side, you are her biggest fan! You think shes brilliant and you just want other people to see how fantastic she is - which includes teaching her to use kind words with people - other children at school (for example), may not be as forgiving as you and you don't want her to get into trouble with Teachers or to fall out with her friends.

These are just a couple of little ideas, I'm sure you'll come up with some things which will suit your family best, but please don't beat yourself up - all children can be little PITA at times, it doesn't mean she'll be like this forever!

That sounds so tough Flamef. My DC are still babies so I don’t have any wisdom to share I’m afraid but didn’t want to read and run. Betsy has given some good advice above. I’m sorry things are so tough with your DD right now

Did she start school this year?? I’ve heard poor behaviour is pretty common then because they have to hold it together all day and then let it out when they feel safe

I thought this too. My dd found starting school absolutely exhausting. Is she tired?

She is 5
She is trying things out
She heard it somewhere.
Don't shout and scream.
It s n o t a good role model.

What would you tell her to do if her little friend called her names ?
How would you tell her to deal with it?

Kids take out their worst behaviour on those closest to them as pp have said.

My ds2 was the same, an angel in school and at other people s homes but a monster for me.

He’s 14 now and is good 80% of the time. I think they all need to blow off steam at some point.

I think 6/7 was when ds became a nightmare, very independent, wanting his independence, thinking he was older then he was etc. He would say things that hurt me.

I used to calmly explain to him that he had hurt my feelings (I would often be crying at this point), that what he said said had made me cry because he had really hurt me. Some people would disagree with me crying in front of my child, but I felt he had to know that I was hurting.

All I can say is that this phase does go away............ eventually!!!