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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Free bar at birthday party?

28 replies

bellinique · 04/01/2019 18:42

Hello lovely Mumsnetters

Hoping for your experience and advice re an evening birthday party we’re organising for DMIL.

It’s a special age birthday and we’re hiring a nice venue and providing a buffet. The venue is happy for us to bring our own wine so we’re thinking of getting enough champagne and wine for everyone to have a glass of each, plus a few soft drinks for children/drivers.

We were also thinking of having a cash bar available but my AIBU question is: Is it stingy to expect people to pay for some of their drinks? Should we be paying for all drinks?

We’re conscious it could increase the cost quite a bit if we have an open bar all evening but not sure what the done thing is?

Any thoughts greatly appreciated!

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 04/01/2019 18:43

I wouldn’t expect a free bar.

HairyDogsFeet · 04/01/2019 18:44

I would never expect to pay at a birthday party. Tell people to bring a bottle.

curiositycreature · 04/01/2019 18:44

I’d never expect an open bar.

curiositycreature · 04/01/2019 18:45

What kind of venue is it? Hotel? Restaurant? Bar? Sports club (eg cricket)?

Celebelly · 04/01/2019 18:45

Definitely wouldn't expect a free bar at a venue event! I think your idea is good: get some fizz and soft drinks and then let people buy their own drink outside of that. I've never even been to a wedding with a free bar, let alone just a birthday party!

Monny1 · 04/01/2019 18:47

No l wouldn’t, do a free bar as some people will take advantage, just say bring your own alcohol.

CripsSandwiches · 04/01/2019 18:48

I think a free drink and buffet is fine for an event in a venue like that. I'd be happy buying my own after that.

Original poster

bellinique · 04/01/2019 18:50

Thanks for all of the replies!

It’s a country house venue - also used for weddings so quite posh. Some people are travelling quite far so don’t want to do the wrong thing!

OP posts:

whassupmissus · 04/01/2019 18:54

I would expect to pay for drinks

Livpool · 04/01/2019 18:55

I would expect to pay for drinks

curiositycreature · 04/01/2019 18:56

In that case, no, I’d definitely not expect an open bar. And as PP said, never even had that for a wedding let alone a birthday. You could consider providing free tea and coffee. Most of those venues don’t charge a lot for those sorts of facilities. Then you’re still providing refreshments without subsidising everyone getting pissed 😉

user1511042793 · 04/01/2019 18:58

I wouldn’t expect you to pay for my drinks. However if I was allowed to bring my own I would want to know in advance to save a few quid.

grumiosmum · 04/01/2019 18:58

I would never expect to have to buy drinks at a birthday party.

You don't need to provide an open bar, but should provide enough wine or beer for the whole evening for everyone.

If some people want to buy spirits, that's up to them.

grumiosmum · 04/01/2019 18:59

Or ask people to bring what they want to drink, if the venue allows that.

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 04/01/2019 19:00

I would definitely expect to pay for drinks! In my 32 years and many, MANY weddings and parties, I’ve yet to go to any event with a free bar (to my endless devastation!). A few bottles of champagne etc would be a nice touch though

Celebelly · 04/01/2019 19:02

My old workplace used to do a free bar event once a year, but people got too pished and it had to stop. People were just taking drinks because they were free and getting totally ratted (myself included as I was only in my early 20s then). I think the final straw was when someone threw up on the boss's shoes.

VenusClapTrap · 04/01/2019 19:05

I went to a 50th recently where they provided free wine, beer and mojitos all night. If you wanted something different there was a bar where you could buy anything else you fancied.

I thought it was incredibly generous, and was on mojitos all night.

SexNotJenga · 04/01/2019 19:05

I would expect to pay for drinks.

It would cost you several grand to pay for all the drinks. Partly because bar prices in hotels are high anyway, and partly because, on hearing the words 'free bar', people decide to replace their half lager with a double 15 year old single malt.

ginghamstarfish · 04/01/2019 19:06

You might be sorry if you have a free bar all night! When my DH left a job he invited his colleagues to a bar and said it was all on him - the staff were round like lightning pushing drinks on everyone every 5 minutes, offering fancy expensive wines etc! He was pretty gobsmacked when he got the bill ....

ChikiTIKI · 04/01/2019 19:07

I wouldn't expect it but it would be a nice surprise.

At my husband's 30th I put some money behind the bar and the bar tender told people their first drink is paid for. After everyone had been given one he told me how much was left and asked what I wanted to do. The drinks were actually much cheaper than I thought. So I said keep going til it's finished. Most people had 2 drinks I think.

Your venue sounds much more luxurious though and I would be super impressed with the champagne and definitely wouldn't expect any more.

Also a side note I wouldn't want to provide too much alcohol. People sometimes drink out of politeness or not to waste when it's out and open ready for pouring. Can get a bit messy if you over estimate how much people want. I didn't realise most people came in cars so about half of people didn't drink alcohol.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 04/01/2019 19:10

Put a bit of money behind the bar but def don’t pay for the whole night.

I’ve only experienced this once in a venue (rather than a hour/hall) and it was a wedding with a free bar ..... amazing, must have cost them a fortune ..... I was driving and left the car there

BigSandyBalls2015 · 04/01/2019 19:11

House/hall

Violetroselily · 04/01/2019 19:12

What you're suggesting is fine, I'd never expect a free bar at a birthday party, particularly for an elderly person. (Apologies if I'm doing your MIL a disservice there )

A glass for everyone for the toast is fine, maybe one on arrival too if the budget stretches that far

MustShowDH · 04/01/2019 19:17

Good ideas above.

Whatever you decide, you make sure people know what to expect. If they can bring their own, tell them. If they need cash for drinks let them know so they can stop at a cash machine on the way - hate turning up somewhere and finding out they only take cards for hotel guests or whatever.

MrsCipo · 04/01/2019 19:21

Does the venue have a bar? If so then no problem expecting people to buy their own. However, if it's in a house and you are charging for drinks you're supplying then I don't think that would be on. Sorry, not clear on what kind of venue it is - by 'country house' do you mean a country house hotel or a country house that you're renting to host a 'house' party?

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