To wonder if friend is a narcissicist or just a user

[Alltolookforwardto2019]

So that’s it really?? Following on from
Recent threads, I’m
Wondering about my friend. Long friendship but pattern has emerged or
More to the point I’ve finally copped on that he has essentially built me up to be some sort of Demi god over the yeats( I’m not and far from
It) reeled me in as a friend... used me as a crutch / problem
Silver etc then started to slowly reduce contact/ ignore responses to messages/ change plans/ basically treat me as some sort of an option and then finally, once he has moved onto other new female friend, just really reduces contact to pleasantries .m, but o it when bored or lonely .It’s almost been like a rollercoaster of emotions and thoroughly frustrating . I’ve no idea how to deal
With it as we work together too! What do you think? Thanks

Is this just a friendship on your part? It sounds like a friendship that has run its course for one of the people, that doesn't make them a narcissist (most overused word on MN!).

How to deal? Back away and find other friendships. Try not to become overly emotionally involved.

Yes it is just. Friendship on my part and the funny thing is, up until this revelation, I was the laid back one . I never initiate co tact/ plans/ arrangements but I do respond . I did not know what a narcissist was until a thread the other evening. I still really dont know what it is but a few traits certainly struck a nerve so thanks for reply . Maybe it has run its course yes but it could be awkward in work

Sounds like a very close friend I had for many years. She acted like I was incredibly special to her. I really cared about her. The thing is, there would be periods where she acted like I didn't exist. I used to put this down to her having a new relationship or a move of home etc. This pattern went on for years and years. She made me miserable and I doubted myself a lot. The ball finally dropped and I realised this was how she would always be. I haven't seen her for 10yrs+ She messaged me that I'm the only person who really understands her and she'd love to meet up again. I won't. Her behaviour is too hurtful. Anyway I know she was seeing a psychiatrist and this prompted me to describe her behaviour to someone I trusted who works as a therapist. She said my (ex) friend sounded like a narcissist. So perhaps you're right.

Thanks for your response. I suppose that I don’t care whether he is or not at this stage, it’s how it makes me feel... confused 🤷🏻‍♀️ and how to deal with him . Maybe it’s because he is really busy lately and yes he also has substantial although very well masked mental health issues .

up until this revelation, I was the laid back one . I never initiate co tact/ plans/ arrangements but I do respond

Could it be that your friend grew tired of being the one to initiate contact / plans/arragements and decided not to bother any more?

Very few people are actually narcissists, MN is just obsessed with labelling every shitty person as one.

If you don’t like your friend then just move on. Don’t focus on them/their wrongs doings, just get on with your life.

He doesn’t sound anything like a narcissist.

Why haven’t you ever rung him to make plans?

Why did you never contact to do anything. Maybe your friend got fed up doing all the running after you?

It really wasn’t intentional . We just fell into that habit . He would be the one to initiate contact and I would y contact him
Of he was with family or friends or at a concert or at the footie . I just wouldn t bother as I k ow he would be busy . Whereas I have a few young children and am more vague with plans as my life is more chaotic ! He just seems to have stopped contact but this coincides with him being
Exceptionally busy socially . The pattern here is that he makes contact when he is bored or lonely . He would normally make contact every day up
Until
Recently

Can I add that when I stepped away from being his emotional shoulder to cry on and when I stopped stroking his ego as he constantly sought admiration and Attention, he with drew. This also coincided with finding a vulnerable woman who fulfilled that role perfectly and when I pointed out that he was treating her like shit and keeping her hanging by a thread and that I really didn’t like this side of him , his tone and demeanour towards me changed. For a while he tried to almost’ prove’ what a great guy he was, which of course there was no need to prove anything to me ; but when I didn’t engage or basically tell him how wonderful he was , he pulled right back . Not my business and am
Not getting
Involved but when my opinion was asked, he really didn’t appreciate it . Maybe this has something to do with him withdrawing ?

So he just messages you when he’s bored, and wants easy (I’m assuming you’re happily living with your DC’s father) female attention?

I can kinda see where you’re coming from. Sounds like no great loss tho if he’s found himself a new girlfriend.

Maybe don’t invest so much of your time in replying in future if he’s not a real friend that you would go out of your way to spend time with?

Yes saucy... that’s it. I’m not single either . Likes female attention and I think he has plenty of female friends on the hook. This is why I asked my original
Question.. I’m really trying to make
Sense of why our friendship has all but died . Was it me being too honest or harsh? Was it that I didn’t feed into his need of ego stroking all the time and didn’t continuously respond to compliments with further compliments ? Was it that I called him
Out on his horrid behaviour towards said woman? Was I just an option when I thought I was one of his closest friends... as he was mine? I’ve been hurt and disappointedl as I really valued him as one of my closest Friends and confidantes .. and on a number of occasions over the holidays, have responded politely to messages but ended them with... enjoy the rest of your holiday... we will catch up when we get back to work ... etc ...but the more I pull
Away now , the more he is contacting me .. it’s a strange situation to say the least

I would treat her as she treats you when she's best pals with someone else. Be pleasant but be in no rush to answer messages and don't meet up with her outside of work.

Sorry he not she but advice still stands.

Thanks crisps ... funnily enough he has been away for a few days ...no contact... no problem but the moment he gets back , and I mean minutes after he arrived home solo,he sent numerous photos of himself on his activity .. hardly as much as a .. how are you?... I’ve taken your advice and ignored and now have received another glut of photos,memes etc. He must still see me as some pathetic loser that will respond whenever he gets an urge to have his ego stroked and nobody around to do it . This afternoon/ evening sums it up... about 15 texts ... ONLY ... because I have not responded or oohed and aaahed.ive been a fool