To think I have messed up big time??

[looondonn]

Awful awful 2018

Birth of a beautiful baby

Followed by abuse from my ex d p

Told two people at the time
A kind lady in Womans aid and a friend from home

The friend from home went around and TOLD ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS

She said this was for my protection

I told her how this was not fair and another upset caused to me etc
Recently made it clear I no longer want her help

She asked me many many intrusive questions about a lot of things
I confided in her and she repeated my words to MANY MANY others

Was I wrong to end friendship ? I think I have made a big mistake

I don’t think you were unreasonable to end the friendship if you couldn’t trust her not to tell other people what you had confided in her.

Did you ask her not to repeat anything?
If you did, and she ignored this, I would have expressed my upset too. Especially if it caused you more agro. Some people can’t help themselves but to spread info they’ve been told in confidence.
I have a rule. If people are spreading gossip about other people to me, they will be doing it about me to other people.

Ok to be fair
I did not say don't tell others

I told her my family don't know details
So I assumed she would know not to tell others

So so offended
She was asking 'how do you feel carrying his baby after what he did to you'
Lots of personal things like that
I opened up as I had no one else and wanted advice

She was telling others )at least 6/7 friends for 'my protection'
Ffs!!!

No, she sounds untrustworthy.

You should read the “fucking bitches” thread and commiserate with the OP.

Blimey, I'd be extremely upset with her. I think you're right to be pissed off. Does she know she's in your bad books?

Yes I have indeed

Awful

Why do people do this

How stupid was I to tell her ??

I told her after the first beating was scared and vulnerable

One less person to trust now

Why tell others for my protection ? They didn't even know him
This i think is the reason why in my experience - many don't speak up

I feel ridiculed

She wanted to clear the air
I told her I need space

One less person to confide in

Since she did this I have not spoken out to anyone for fear they will be telling others

I was in abusive marriage for 12 years, together for 15 so I can appreciate how difficult it was for you to open up about this op.

She is no friend and you did the right thing by dropping her.

I hope you're getting some support now x

Thank you

I needed someone to speak to
Never ever did I think she would be telling my story to others
Now they are contacting me asking where is he? Who you living with? I never told them anything
Also - I don't want my family to know full gory details
She knew this
Stupid stupid person!!
I feel so let down

Could she have be worried you'd go back to him op? So she told people to make sure you wouldn't? And that others kne and could protect you if you did?

Keeping it a secret seldom works well. But it should have been you to tell.

Maybe bluntness yes

But it was not her place
I told her private details
And she knew I wanted to shield my family

This will now at some point get back to my family

Just horrible

Plus you don't do this when someone is so vulnerable

My other friends have nothing to do with the relationship I.e no way of stopping me go back to him etc
So I don't know why she fed them all the details ??!
I just don't get it

Now I don't tell anyone anything

My health visitor who is perfectly trustworthy asks me some generic questions and I refuse to answer her just in case

This is not good is it??

Have you finlly left your very abuive relationship now op? I remember your previous posts maybe she done it to help?

No she had no right, it was your story to tell and should have been you telling people and shaming him.

I'm not sure why you're now clamming up though? The info is out there and it's more important you get support. You shouldn't hide this.

Yes I left

I just don't see how it was helping me
The others she told didnt know much about him if that makes sense

It was just a final betrayal that hurt after years of pain

When I say maybe I messed up - perhaps it was harsh to cut her off
Just hurting a lot right now

I hide this because I am absolutely mortified

Beyond comprehension

Of course it hurts, but she misguidedly May have been trying to help you if she felt that you might take this man back and people knowing would stop you and protect you.

It's important you are able to talk about this, that you don't hide it and you get support. It should not be hidden.

Maybe she thought she'd better tell mutual friends just in case he came sniffing round them with some sob story trying to get info on where you are. If she was gossiping then I understand your angry reaction and yanbu, but if she was genuinely trying to protect you from him, and you're just embarrassed or pissed off she's burnt some bridges in case you decided to take him back then yabu.

How awful to have had your trust broken by both your partner and your 'friend'.
No wonder you feel unable to confide. However, your health visitor is a professional so please try and talk to her as she will then be able to give you the support you need and deserve.
I'm sure it won't be easy, but I hope that you are able to find a way through this.

Thank you guys

The other friends don't know him
I met him while I lived away
She knew him
Other friends had not got chance to meet him

I feel it was gossip
Will keep my distance

Regardless - she should have said nothing

Or
Told me she told them and what her reasons were etc
Hmmmmm

Sounds like she enjoys gossiping.

I can see why you feel sad at the loss of the one person you could open up to, but really you are better off without her if you cannot trust her.

Just because you didn't preface your conversation with "please don't tell anyone" doesn't give her the right to tell anyone and everyone about it. If she had genuinely wanted to help she would have suggested you tell the other friends (if she felt this was needed, don't know why) or perhaps talk to them together. Or at least run it past you first.

Unfortunately your painful revelation has become her juicy gossip. Please do not let it discourage you in confiding in others though. Your health visitor might be a good one to tell. She has you and your children's wellbeing as part of her professional role. She will be able to signpost you to helpful organisations.

Please don't keep this all to yourself. There is no shame on your part in what you have gone through.

thank you guys

thought maybe in my clouded / hazy vision I had somehow messed up

better off with small number of friends i can trust

Also forgot to say
The day I was in final stages of labour she accidentally texted things I had been telling her to me instead of to another mutual friend

So she had been quoting me
Looking for info then circulating it around others
While I'm in fcking labour

I've done the right thing
Thankfully

*quizzing