Should i meet up with this guy with undiagnosed problem?

[Tobythecat]

I have been speaking to someone i met online for the past 6 months, he seems nice and we have a lot in common. He has been very honest from the start with me that he has some neurological difficulties and he has been back and forth to the docs and neurologists for scans and tests but the doctors dont seem to know what is wrong. He has fatigue, memory and processing issues and he is insistant they are not due to depression or autism (im autistic and i did explain it sounds very much like my difficulties).

His symptoms started very suddenly around 4 years ago whilst at uni. He has never had a paid job since graduating 3 years ago due to these issues but volunteers at a charity shop for 2 days a week. Hes been doing this for 8 months.

For the past 18 months, he has been job searching with no luck. He has only been applying for specific jobs as his neurological difficulties make it difficult to do many jobs. He also lives at home with his mum, but he said he helps out around the house etc. Hes 26.

I suppose what im asking is that does this guy sound genuine or just a bit workshy? I feel really awful saying that as he could genuinly have something like m.e or cfs. He doesnt have any hobbies and says he has no friends as he withdrew when he became ill.

He seems like a really nice guy and we have a lot of the same outlooks and values, hes very understanding of my autism etc.

Can anyone shed some light on this please?

He could be a friend
Given that you have similar issues too ?
I would keep talking anyway

I personally wouldn't date someone who didn't work - I obviously have a job myself.

But if you don't have a job it would be hypocritical of you to use that as a reason not to.

I would meet him but make it absolutely clear that you are meeting as friends (& why has the subject of his virginity come up?). I run a charity shop & some of my volunteers have never worked in paid employment for various reasons but are lovely, charming people who I am pleased to know as friends.

I think the comment questioning not working due to autism is a little off to be honest. Autism has a wide spectrum doesn’t it, some people can work and lead a relatively unaffected life, others (like my son) will be deeply affected and unable to work. It’s not one size fits all.

Good luck op.

You sound like two peas in pod.

some tough people to please on here op, i would go with the idea of meeting half way if possible and somewhere very public but make it very clear from the start you are meeting as friends only. you've been speaking for some time so will have things to talk about.
obviously, let someone know where you are and be mindful of the conversation should the subject of borrowing money etc arises.
if he is job hunting that's good and he lives with his mum at 26, so what ? i doubt that would be a long term thing anyway if he was working
regularly or in a steady relationship.
to listen to some posters on mn you'd think many people had left home at 18 and home buyers /mortgage free at 25.
give it a go op, what have you got to lose if you are open minded and tight on your personal safety ?

It depends what you want out of the relationship. I know people say money etc doesn't matter but it really does.

Looking to the future how could this person help to provide towards your home, your children etc? Money would always be a worry unless you are a high earner. Sorry to be so blunt but love is not enough

You’re writing him off and judging him. Meet him and see if there’s any chemistry.

Thanks for the advice. Im going to continue getting to know him and see how things go.

I disagree with the posters criticising you for writing him off and encouraging you to give it a go.

You are sensible and perceptive to see red flags and ask yourself if it's viable.

Many autistic women in particular have problems with erosion of boundaries by other people (I have traits and find it difficult to know where to set my red lines) so I think it's a positive thing that you're thinking carefully about this.

I would personally let things slide.

In a rational world it would make more sense for you both to find partners who are complementary rather than similar, in particular partners capable of working.

If it weren't for a few details I'd be entirely convinced you were talking about my brother. He does more than 2 volunteer shifts a week and may be getting promoted so some of his shifts will be paid, and he's 24. Other than that he's identical to your guy. I know with my bro it's a combination of job availibility, problems with people, and yes, some degree of laziness. I'd keep talking to him and see how you feel.