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Original poster

To feel weirded out by FILs wandering hands when hugging

50 replies

Tweety1981 · 03/01/2019 20:35

Do people ( relatives ) normally run their hands up and down your waist and back when they hug you . I tend to keep my hands at the top of someone’s shoulder or shoulder blades . I normally avoid getting close to this person but sometimes unavoidableConfused

OP posts:
ImNotKitten · 04/01/2019 01:22

Ugh so grim. Who do these men think they are?

Drogosnextwife · 04/01/2019 01:38

Gadz OP that is really creepy, the kissing but is so weird. Did your dp not ask him are he was doing?

Drogosnextwife · 04/01/2019 01:39

Wtf he was doing, not are he was doing.

MorningsEleven · 04/01/2019 01:57

My FIL will usually kiss me on the cheek and give me a side hug. I think that's ok. Wandering hands would be crossing a line.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/01/2019 02:00

Jesus fucking Christ! This is horrifying! He came into your BEDROOM to kiss you?! Haven't you told your husband about this? This is TOTALLY unacceptable and profoundly creepy.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/01/2019 02:03

How does he rub his hands up and down? Does it feel sexual? Passionate? Or is it just affectionate?

Ugh. I really hope he doesn't do this before moving in for a hug....

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/01/2019 02:06

Joking aside, definitely weird and an extreme boundary-crosser.

Not that you should have to, but I'd cross your arms wide out in front of you every time he moves in for a hug or a kiss. When he says "I can't get near you like that" give him a withering look and reply "Yep - that's the whole idea." Even better if others are present.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 04/01/2019 02:14

My MIL always goes in to kiss me on the lips, I find it very strange. But she does it with everyone and she's a lovely person otherwise! FIL is strictly kiss on the cheek and side hug kinda guy thankfully!

My DH also doesn't like his DM kissing him on the lips, just a bit too intimate really.

potatoscone · 04/01/2019 02:39

Definitely creepy. I remember my best friends dad, who I had known as good old, perfectly normal Dave for 15 years, walked past him one night in the pub and grabbed my arse! I was so shocked I didn't react, which made him think it was ok to touch me. I guess he thought since he got away with the first one I wouldn't tell at all. I was not long 18. It escalated. By the time I was 19 it had come out that he had form for groping young women Sad

Original poster
Tweety1981 · 04/01/2019 03:03

Yep husband was there . So I was in bed and FIL walks in . Husband who has just been being sick in the bathroom comes back to the bedroom just as FIL is giving me his bloody kiss . I’m frozen and my blood has gone cold . I don’t move an inch cuz I only have a strappy nighty on so trying to stay under the covers . Husband stands in the doorway looking in , looking pretty pissed off and giving FIL a steely gaze . I’m so relieved DH has stopped puking and appeared when he did . FIL mutters something about saying good night and leaves . DH looks at me and says ‘ sorry sweety’ . We never spoke about it again.. but the nights over at his parents ( and vice versa ) stopped soon after ...

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Original poster
Tweety1981 · 04/01/2019 03:05

I know he wasn’t happy so I’m ok to leave it there and not go on about it . Main thing is that DH doesn’t expect me to spend too much time there anymore ... I don’t want to pour salt what would that achieve ?

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Original poster
Tweety1981 · 04/01/2019 03:14

BTW this FIL has been very pissed off because after I had my son I didn’t want him near my hospital bed and asked him to leave when I needed to breastfeed . He was like ‘ oh don’t mind me ‘ ... they made a right fuss because I didn’t want to take my tits out in front of them lol

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Original poster
Tweety1981 · 04/01/2019 03:15

I mean hardly anyone would .. even my MIL seemed to think it reasonable to expect me to BF in front of him .. I don’t know what the world is coming to ...

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BumbleBeee69 · 04/01/2019 03:16

its a method of copping a good feel under the guise of a family hug. Don’t let him hug you again.

We had a 70+ year old octopus relative do this to all the females in our family, every single one of us used to grasp his wrists as he tried to hug in and we’d kiss him on the cheek, it was the only way to stop him perving.

Original poster
Tweety1981 · 04/01/2019 03:18

Lol thanks for the support everyone .. so glad to get this off my chest !

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Aquamarine1029 · 04/01/2019 03:30

My God. I'm shocked your husband hasn't punched his pervert of a father in the throat. I can't believe he even still speaks to him.

Original poster
Tweety1981 · 04/01/2019 03:35

They hardly speak anymore.. he goes weeks sometimes months without speaking he’s an only child and a very small family so i don’t put too much expectations on him ... we have put a bit of distance and I’m happy to leave it there ...

I also bear in mind that that night My husband was sick and puking lol

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GrandmaSteglitszch · 04/01/2019 04:07

I recognised this from your other thread about overbearing in-laws. So, no I don't think it's okay.
Maybe mention it to your DH, so he might be able to head FiL off from trying a hug. As well as you keeping your arms crossed, natch.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 04/01/2019 04:24

Time to start greeting FIL with a fistbump to his creepy face

PersonaNonGarter · 04/01/2019 05:01

If your OH is supportive then I think the best you can do is to be quite open. ‘I don’t want to do X because FIL is creepy’ as a reason for eg not staying over.

Original poster
Tweety1981 · 04/01/2019 14:18

Yep

I’m so glad i told someone about this . From now on I’ll just steer well clear and time done further on visits . This is just one thing to add to other issues.

Thanks for the posts everyone really appreciated x

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JuneFromBethesda · 04/01/2019 14:29

Ugh tweety that sounds horrible. Thank goodness your husband is on side.

I have an uncle (not biologically related to me - my aunt’s husband) who always, always kisses on the lips. No idea if it’s just me he does this to or other female relatives as well. He’s a lovely man, otherwise very kind, no wandering hands or inappropriate remarks but I do always try and go for a kiss on the cheek instead, usually without success. It’s odd Confused

Trudstrundr2 · 04/01/2019 14:34

If you're uncomfortable with it, you're uncomfortable with it.

That's a perfectly fine reason to stop hugging - "nice to see you", small wave, sit down, twist away, just avoid. If he directly asks, just say you're not comfortable hugging.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to what's "ok" in terms of physical contact - you don't owe anyone anything, and if they're offended, ask them about it - they don't have an automatic right to touch you!

pretentiousrubberduck · 04/01/2019 14:41

@thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter I greet and say goodbye to my FIL with a fistbump, but only because he feels quite uncomfortable hugging/kissing people on the cheek. It's become a bit of a running joke now. My bil's new gf pulls him in for a full body hug and he finds it horrifying!

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