Relation with parents

[katers85]

I never had a close relationship with parents. Mum was a workaholic growing up and my Dad has a very short fuse and doesn’t do people / emotions, they are both now retired. I now have two daughters, my Mum tells her friends that she is a hands on Nana and I think she believes it but I find the reality different.
They live close by but only come over for lunch on Thursday, my Dad walks into town and spends lunch doing a crossword and has little interaction with anyone and my Mum leaves us to walk around town to have a cigarette for part of visit.
My second daughter is newborn, my Mum and Dad should have been on standby when I went into labour but failed to answer the phone when I needed them meaning I had to find alternative arrangements for eldest daughter last minute when in hospital.
I needed to go to an appointment today with newborn and expressed this to mum yesterday, however they arrived late and she went off instead to smoke despite my objection, meaning I missed appointment.
I ask very little of them, they childmind my daughter maybe 4/5 times a year.
I tried to talk to mum today as I’m finding visits more stressful than helpful and I’m upset ref unreliability which they never apologise for. She got upset and I ended up apologising, she did cook Christmas dinner this year at our house and buys the kids lovely presents, pays for lunch when we go out usually etc and feels I take that for granted.
Am I wrong to expect more ?

Just stop expecting anything. If you can be totally self reliant then any help they do give will be an unexpected bonus.
My parents bang on about how helpful they are and how much they do for their grandchildren, but they've looked after them once in almost three years (and still talk about it!)

They sounds remarkably similar to my parents even down to the crosswords!

My kids are now 13 and 10 and tbh my parents behaviour has not really changed instead recently they have begun to ask me to do stuff for them When they talk about the children you would think they have deep relationships with them and know them well. This is a long way from the truth. When anything involves actually spending time or doing stuff with them they do the bare minimum.

Probably not what you want to hear but my experience is most parents are like marmite! Some offer lots of help and others seems to do it as and when suits them.

You will hear stories on here about how 'it is their time' and that you should not expect help. However this is not helpful for you and your feelings as well as the disappointment I suspect you may feel.

Bringing up children is exhausting and when your parents don't help it is even more so.

I wish you well

My only advice is not to waste hours annoyed and disappointed, as I have, it has not changed my parents support (or lack of). It has only made me unhappy

Drop the rope. Sadly, they're just not into you. You need to find reliable childcare - care.com or sittercity may be good places to start.