Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting DH to actually understand I'm depressed

10 replies

NewAbode · 03/01/2019 19:27

I do have another thread on about medication and am receiving great replies but on similar note how do I get DH to understand that I can't just snap out of it or look on the bright side 🤔I've promised him I'll get an appointment at GPs. But it may help if he actually "got" it. Am I being unreasonable if I haven't actually got an official diagnosis but understand that I'm not right in myself and the reasons why.

OP posts:
Original poster
NewAbode · 03/01/2019 19:30

I should add that he's encouraged me to go to gp but makes comments that are supposed to inspire me to snap out of my fog . Like " you'd feel better if you moved around a bit more" or Smile Confused or the latest ... try thinking happy thoughts......

OP posts:
AliceScarlett · 03/01/2019 19:32

He's trying to help. Why don't you ask him directly for what you need and let him know how you feel when he makes suggestions?
I'm sure there are some self help guides for supporting people with depression out there too.

arranbubonicplague · 03/01/2019 19:33

Like " you'd feel better if you moved around a bit more" or Smile confused or the latest ... try thinking happy thoughts......

Unfortunately, that is the sort of trite advice that newspapers/TV programmes promote so there's a good chance that he think's he's being helpful. The truly helpful thing would be to listen to you but I think that it's very difficult for friends and family to know how to respond for the best.

sleepylittlebunnies · 03/01/2019 19:49

I have suffered badly on and off with depression and anxiety since having DC. PND twice which I never sought treatment for and went away after a year both times. Didn’t have it with DC3 but have had 2 long bouts of it.

I had no encouragement off DH to see the GP. I managed to hide it from everyone else and appeared cheerful and coping well when out. I gained a ton of weight each time. I finally went to the GP when I hit rock bottom and didn’t want to wake up in the morning. The GP was lovely and prescribed Sertraline and I got counselling through work. I was off work for 6 months.

Work was not sympathetic, I think because I hid it well and I think they thought I was faking it. DH was shocked that I was diagnosed with depression. I think he genuinely thought it was just the way I’d become with sleep deprivation. I can’t have been a joy to be around.

I think it was only once I started to get better that’s he realised how bad I’d been. I don’t think anyone can truly understand unless they’ve been there though. The advice is to eat well, exercise and get a good sleep routine. None of that was possible for me until I was being treated and recovering. It’s well meaning advice and fine if you’re just feeling a bit down but in the grips of depression the motivation/drive just isn’t there.

Unfortunately many people won’t understand and tbh I don’t think I did until it got me.

mumonashoestring · 03/01/2019 19:53

I don't know if it will help in your specific case but this video gets used in the mental health courses we run at work to help people start to understand what depression is and how it can affect people

sleepylittlebunnies · 03/01/2019 19:54

Sorry I realise that’s a bit of a ramble but tbh that’s what depression is like for me. I find it really hard to explain it or rationalise it as none of it really makes sense.

2019namechange · 03/01/2019 20:15

I think I fall into your DH's camp, although now we just don't even mention the elephant in the room. As someone living with someone who has been unwell now for over 2 years & hasn't even been to see anyone for help I'm watching with interest. Desperate for the right things to say/do/behave. I'd listen if he ever spoke but he's never said anything about his feelings so feeling pretty useless. Makes me feel sick to my stomach & makes me hate waking up everyday & stresses me out every nighttime but hopefully some helpful advice for those who don't have a clue what to say might show up on this thread. Interested to see how I can help him. So marking place...

Grannyannex · 03/01/2019 20:21

Getting yourself to the GP is the best step forward. Depression is awful for partners of the depressed person if they understand or even if they don’t understand

Original poster
NewAbode · 03/01/2019 20:26

Thank you for all the replies. He thinks that I can snap out of this fog , mainly caused by the death of my adult child. I'm not fun to live with anymore.. I get that I really do. I try to tell him how I feel and he'll give me a hug and say don't worry you'll feel better a) after lunch b) watch a show on tv or his favourite c) a bit of fresh air Confused
I've promised I'll now go to the doctors and ask for help but I'm not looking at DH being my councillor and I know that when I start to talk I break down but I guess it would be better if he tried not to be critical or start a row .. negative words make me feel worse. Is it too much for him to take a bit of care with choice of words or actions?

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 03/01/2019 21:03

Buy "Depressive Illness - The Curse of The Strong" by Dr Tim Cantopher and get your DH to read it

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread