To not go to the wedding?

[ironinglady57]

My OH and I received a wedding invitation to his friends wedding months ago - at the time I was pregnant. We decided that he would go in the day and I would join in the evening with baby as I would be breastfeeding so didn't see that it would be feasible to leave an exclusively BF 3 month old for a full day and night.

Today is the wedding. I've been under the weather for a little while but woke up this morning feeling (& looking!) absolutely horrendous. I've got steadily worse as the day has gone on.

I've told OH I won't make it as it's an hours drive away, getting myself & baby ready, loud music, hours drive back etc. It's a lot while I feel like this. I am going from really hot/clammy/sweaty to absolutely freezing and can't get warm, body aches, exhausted.

He is livid! Apparently I've spoilt his day, he's embarrassed as he's told people we will be joining him later, how will he get home without me and the car etc etc etc.

AIBU to not go?

Tell him to grow the fuck up. Your health is more important than his pride.

Can he get a cab? Tell him to get over himself

How did he get there? He's being an arse. Probably wants to show the baby off- which I get, and have a family night out, which I get, but you're sick, and not able to go. It's not being done out of spite or malice, he needs to wind his neck in.

He's being very selfish, YANBU!

I'd tell him his attitude stinks and her should be more concerned about you.

Turn off your phone & leave him to find his own back way etc.

Tell him to suck it up. What a selfish arse. Tuck yourself and baby up and don't feel even a modicum of guilt about it. People will understand. You need to have a word with DP about his attitude though ........

Sounds like he was relying on you for transport. Tell him to sort it out himself and not be so demanding. Knob.

This is about him not having his chauffeur, how did he get there?

Its crazy for you to try and go feeling like that. No one notices whose at the evening do anyway.

Can he not get a lift back to as close as possible as he can to your home, and a taxi from that point? Or stay over?

I don't think you are unreasonable for not wanting to go, or for not going. I would think you were a bit unreasonable for not going to pick him up at the end, if he had absolutely no other way of getting back or finding somewhere to stay at the venue. And ways of getting back might not necessarily be a lift direct to the from door.

Thanks everyone - you've made me feel better about not going.

He got a cab there so I'm sure he can get one back!

Doesn't he realise how miffed the bride and groom are going to be if the honeymoon is ruined by your lurgey?

He sounds ridiculous. I would thank him for his kind concern for your welfare and the welfare of his baby, and then turn your phone off.

Tell him he is right and you’ll be there soon.

Then go to bed.

Definitely not unreasonable to stay at home if you’re unwell, it can’t be helped. Plus a last minute non attendance as an evening guest isn’t anything like as big a deal as not attending as a day guest.

Get well soon!

You're not getting yourself a nice bout of mastitis are you? There is NO WAY you should be going, and he needs to remind himself that his priorities, just as much as yours, are changed, now you are both parents.

Get thee to bed, with plenty of fluids, and healthy snacks.

Im currently breastfeeding my own 3 month old baby and I feel fine and I still wouldn't be going !!!

I blew out the annual Xmas Jumper party too, and I do not make evening plans!

I would've been more likely to have gone to the day, and slipped off after dinner, but I like to be in bed at 9

Er, hibu. He should be getting straight in a cab and coming home to take the baby off you and tend you.
Weddings are shit with small children and babies.

Gosh how caring of him! I can feel the concern for his ill wife from here, it’s touching.

Seriously tell him to grow the fuck up.

I’d tell him if you go you will be telling everyone who will listen how sick you are but he insisted you come as he needed a lift home.

he's a prat.

"sorry, my wife couldn't come as she is ill". What's wrong with that?

if he had anything about him he would either not go at all, or maybe go to the wedding, and then come back without bothering about the evennig. So he can't drink. Hardly a problem.

What a thing to be livid about?! What time did you tell him you weren’t going?

Depends whether you genuinely mean 'absolutely horrendous' or you've gradually come down with a heavy cold. It means different things to different people. I think you have to be really unwell to miss a wedding party you'd previously said you'd go to.

I am going from really hot/clammy/sweaty to absolutely freezing and can't get warm, body aches, exhausted.

MyNameIsNotSteven I'd say that this means the OP is feeling really ill.

And the B&G, along with everyone else, are not going to be very happy if they come down with it too, if OP goes along.

OP, stay at home. Your OH can just tell people you are ill.

YANBU no one wants you turning up and making everyone sick and it wouldn't be safe to drive in that state anyway. Of course it's a shame but people get sick and miss events. It's not like you've decided to go somewhere else instead. You're sick you can't make it.

You're completely reasonable not to go.

I echo a pp who mentioned mastitis. It does sound like that. Bed for you this evening and ring the doctor in the morning.

it's rubbish feeling so poorly x

You poor thing. Sounds like either mastitis or flu - no way should you feel pressured to go anywhere or do anything other than taking care of your baby - & yourself!! Your husband is being a twat!

In fact, seeing as he's been at the wedding all day, he should be making his excuses & coming home to take over baby care & to check you're ok! I'm sure his friends won't mind if (a) you don't go & (b) he goes home - they probably understand what with your baby being SO young. Plus, they're not gonna thank you for spreading flu germs if that's what you've got!

Go to bed - hope you feel better soon. X