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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to share my birthday at work?

34 replies

SalmonLeBon · 03/01/2019 11:13

I probably am.

The area of the business I work in has come up with this ‘brilliant’ idea to enhance employee engagement. They want to know everyone’s birthdays and anniversary of when they first started working there. So that they can do a rah-rah yay thing at our monthly telephone meetings (about 50 people, disparately located around the globe).

I can’t quite articulate why, but I feel really uncomfortable with this. I don’t want my birthday razzed up, nor the passage of time working there. It will do nothing for my engagement, if anything it puts me off the place even more!

I have ignored the emails so far, but have just received a snippy reminder with orders to comply by next week.

AIBU to not want this kind of attention? How do I escape? Other than a new job, which I am working on.

OP posts:
Consolidateyourloins · 03/01/2019 11:18

YANBU. Tell them who you have fragapane phobia (fear of birthdays).

Don't tell them you have frangipan phobia, which is a morbid fear of almond-based desserts.

indecisivepigeon · 03/01/2019 11:18

Just say thanks but I won’t be sharing my birthday.

Sirzy · 03/01/2019 11:19

Just tell them it’s not for you, that you can see how it may help others but you would rather not partake

Siannybobs · 03/01/2019 11:30

Could you say it's 25th December as you'll likely not have a conference call that's Day and it'll be overshadowed by Christmas anyway?

Say you don't celebrate it for religious reasons but you're happy to celebrate your work anniversary?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/01/2019 11:46

Maybe missing the point slightly, but surely they already have your DoB and date you first started with them in their HR records? Or is it just a case of badgering you for your permission to let them use your data to patronise you?

I can't stand employers like this who insist that birthday fist-bumps, ice-breakers and team-building activities are what everybody needs to do to be really engaged in their job. WHY does everybody need to be made to pretend that their job is a most special reflection of their core identity? Enforced pretence of jollity is a belittling form of bullying and passive aggression.

How many employees would happily do the job as a hobby if they weren't paid for it? And incidentally, these companies are usually desperate to try anything that might make their employees happier and more compliant except for the one thing that's guaranteed to work - a significant pay rise.

They make out that it's all about their sincere desire to make YOU happy when it's really all about trying to force ever greater efficiencies out of you and making you work ever harder to increase THEIR profits
.
Obviously, any worries or concerns should be addressed and, in an ideal world, nobody should have to be miserable at work; but whatever happened to just getting on with something dull for the greater long-term good?

It's like these adverts for cleaning products and the like - they feebly try to make you think you'll be dancing with delight at how perfect your life is now that your bathroom and kitchen are sparkling.

Most people aren't expecting to be transported to Arcadia on a winged chariot when buying a product - they just want to get the skiddies off the bog pan with minimal scrubbing and then get on with their day.

Original poster
SalmonLeBon · 03/01/2019 12:02

Epic rant there sausageroll and one that I totally agree with. I am a marketer’s nightmare as I just don’t respond to adverts in the way they want me to!

You are spot on that it is all about squeezing more out of us - we have been through multiple rounds of redundancy and company restructures, yet still expected to accelerate projects and take on the workload of those who have left. Most people are completely disheartened and demotivated. I have a high salary, but not out of the ordinary for this industry and my qualifications. I should not be skiving on MN on my first day back after the break, but I just don’t care about the job any more!

HR do indeed have the information, but it will be in the local office for each country, and the team is across US, several European countries, Australia so they want us to supply it.

Wonder if I can cite GDPR 🤔

OP posts:
DanielRicciardosSmile · 03/01/2019 12:02

Tell them you're JW?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/01/2019 12:05

I would just say that you'd rather not participate for personal reasons but you wish the initiative well.

They probably won't pick at that because it could be anything, but it means you've responded and they won't be including you in the bunch of people who just haven't bothered to respond.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 03/01/2019 12:05

We have this at work too. Luckily there is the option to opt out so I have!

Ariela · 03/01/2019 12:26

Tell them your birthday is 25 December and you don't celebrate it, you'll never be at work that day.

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 03/01/2019 12:32

One of my jobs did this. I ignored it as long I could but after all the pressure I ended up lying as they wouldn't take no for an answer.

FadedRed · 03/01/2019 12:35

25th December, 1st January or 29th February.

PinkAvocado · 03/01/2019 12:35

GDPR excerpt of definition that may be useful Grin
It (GDPR) also addresses the export of personal data outside the EU and EEA areas. The GDPR aims primarily to give control to individuals over their personal data

CantWaitToRetire · 03/01/2019 12:41

I'd go with the 'personal reasons' for not wanting to disclose. If they're rude enough to push, invent some family tragedy that happened on your birthday so you no longer celebrate the date.

PositivelyPERF · 03/01/2019 12:49

Yes, to the trauma on your birthday. You could have great fun coming up with a ridiculous, outlandish incident involving your birthday 🍰 , holiday 👙, flamenco dancer 🕺 bunch of bananas 🍌 and a rabid monkey 🐒

BaronessBomburst · 03/01/2019 12:51

My employer scrapped the company birthday calendar as it was found to be in contravention of GDPR.
Those who wanted to carry on had to buy a calendar and add their own name to it.

KurriKurri · 03/01/2019 13:22

It sounds like complete hell. I'd cite GDPR and add that you don't celebrate your birthday for personal reasons so they can fuck off with their badgering

PracticalTacticalBrilliance · 03/01/2019 13:40

My office does the work anniversaries thing!! I hate it, as do most of the rest of my UK based office, but the other offices in the US seem to enjoy the announcements.
We don't do that with birthdays, thank god. There is generally some sort of b'day meet up if the person happens to be in the office that day, with cake etc. But I avoid that by always booking my birthday off if it's a weekday.
Completely understand why you wouldn't want to be involved in this.

Maelstrop · 03/01/2019 13:42

I'd go with personal reasons as this should stop them asking. If they still ask, yes, cite GDPR as this is a clear contraception of the rules around data protection.

Original poster
SalmonLeBon · 03/01/2019 13:55

Glad I am not alone in the dislike of this sort of thing. I wouldn’t object if it was my line manager and it was just within my immediate team, but within the wider business area, no thanks.

I am also puzzled as to how it will be handled - 50ish people, with two dates each and 12 calls a year, so an average of 8 events per call. It will just be the big boss reading a list of names, which is meaningless and does nothing for engagement. Plus given how these calls usually over run, it will get kicked off the end of the agenda half the time anyway, leaving those who were meant to be mentioned but missed out, feeling ‘unloved’.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 03/01/2019 14:20

I too was wondering how this is going to work practically - as you say, 100 dates to 'celebrate' is just going to feel completely impersonal anyway and just clog up any agenda. Not sure how they think this will be motivating for anyone Confused

Chocolateandabook2019 · 03/01/2019 15:09

I feel you pain, op.
I’ve booked mine off this year.

I know it’s slightly off topic, but similar: works outings.

I have been on a couple of works outings, and what do they talk about?
WORK!!!! (Yes, I know it’s a WORKS outing, but really).

It’s horrendous. The enforced jollity mentioned above by another poster is prevalent. It seems like the only thing they have to define them is their job!

And if you don’t /can’t go to the works do, they demand to know why:

“What’s wrong with you? We’re like a family here, why be so miserable?”. Really pushy some of them, with a belittling passive aggressive tone in their voices.

I’m sorry, but when I leave work, I leave it behind....grr.

Chocolateandabook2019 · 03/01/2019 15:17

Booked my birthday off this year, I meant.

There will be a big fuss of how my birthday present will HAVE to be brought in the day before, I mean how dare I not celebrate my birthday at WORK!!!

SneakyGremlins · 03/01/2019 15:21

Oh I'd hate this.

I'd say all 18 members of my family died in a tragic cheese accident on my birthday so could they skip it?

Harryo · 03/01/2019 15:26

Tell them its on the 32nd January.

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