Should I be preparing 3yo DS for school?

[NomsQualityStreets]

DS is 3 and a half. He's at nursery and has been for over a year, recently went up to 30hrs.

He will be starting school in September this year. I also have 1yo at home so it gets a bit busy with both of them.

My AIBU is that I haven't really done much recently in terms of teaching him basic things like the Alphabet/ numbers/days of the week And I wonder if I should start focusing on things like that a bit more to help him a little once he starts school?

We're working on going to the toilet on his own and he's usually getting dressed on his own/put own shoes on and be more independent in that way.

What are good skills/ what should I be teaching him and what is an average child expected to know once they start school?

That's fine. There really isn't a need to rush phonis/ numbers etc.

Being able to dress and undress - being able to put his own coat on a peg

Toilet is a key one

Recognise his own name (and surname if a common name) is handy

But I wouldn’t worry about anything academic

Self care - toilet, dressing, shoes, coat, using knife and fork
Taking turns and waiting to ask or answer a question
Listening skills
Sitting still
Recognise name and attempt to "write" it
Fine and gross motor skills
Talking and playing with peers
Speaking to adults.

DD2 is 3.5 and we’re concentrating on getting her to be able to reliably wipe her own bum .
She does know her alphabet/numbers etc but mainly because DD1 is only 19 months older and she’s picked it all up alongside DD1 learning it, but we haven’t made a conscious effort to teach her. DD1 is autumn born and was already reading fluently by the time she started school (self taught!), but DD2 is a summer born so not expecting anywhere near the same with her. She can write her name which will be useful for her, but we won’t be doing any ‘formal’ teaching.

Focus on:

Recognising his name and surname
Don't worry about writing it too much but try and encourage a good pencil grip when used one.
Being able to dress and undress himself
Using the toilet (and flushing!) and washing his hands independently
Using a knife and fork - and trying to cut up his own food.
Saying please and thank you
Sitting cross legged (not as easy for some children as others)

When labelling his clothes I would use some sort of tag/label where his name is printed/embroidered. Writing with a biro or sharpie on labels is fine for adults but far harder for a child to recognise as their name.

Everything PPs have said.

And read, read, read to him. Foster a love of books and the association of reading with comfort and love. Don't worry about the alphabet yet unless he's showing signs of wanting to spend time on it.

Personally I would start teaching them to count up to 10 at least, start recognising some letters and getting them to hold a pencil.

You can tell the kids at school that have not learnt these things.

I strongly believe (and may get pounced I for this) that UK schools only offer a vey basic level of education. If you want more you need to do the work at home with them in addition.

Communication skills (speech and understanding, looking at books) and self care. Aside from that lots of free play to encourage thinking and experimenting (ie not adult directed but with adult interaction).

Academic skills aren’t necessary yet but being able to think, question and reason are always useful.

Concentrate on self-care and sitting and listening skills. Those will get him far in life. He can't learn if he can't listen.

Dressing and toileting are the key things.
Other than that lots of reading to him and some toys that give him the opportunity to practise fine motor skills (beads, pegs, play dough). Count cars, vegetables or anything else that is part of his daily life. No need for any explicit teaching.

Yes - exactly what previous posters have written.

Toileting and dressing are the most important things, being able to get undressed and dressed makes doing PE much more fun as they actually get time to do it. Wiping own bottom, things like that. Recognising their name so they can find their clothes and using cutlery. Everything else will come.

As others have said the most important skills for school are:
Going to the toilet alone
Managing own coat, shoes and clothes
Using a knife and fork
Sharing and taking turns
Recognising own written name

They should be doing some basic number and shape activities at nursery but if not I would probably do a bit of that at home too

Yes what all the pps said - toilet skills, dressing, knife and fork, blowing his own nose when needed - the teacher will thank you way more for these than academic stuff.

Is his nursery not doing anything in the way of teaching his name/the alphabet/first phonics?

Yes, mine learns basic phonics, letters, numbers and shapes at pre school.

Definitely focus on life skills. Don't attempt phonics, writing etc as it can take Reception teachers an awfully long time to get children to unlearn what they have been taught at home!

I think more important than teaching letters other than his name is to teach him to dress himself and undress himself, put coats, jumpers and shoes on and off independently, wipe his own bottom and wash and dry his hands after the loo.
To hold a pencil, a crayon etc - try colouring in and tracing .
To be able to sit still beside you while you read a book together
Practise sitting and listening - a good one to do is the birdwatch in spring where you watch the garden for an hour (which is quite a long time) and record the birds you can see - I did a chart and we stuck pictures of likely birds and marked what we saw
Know basic numbers 1-10 and make a start on recognising letters if interested - start with the letters in his name.
To know what school is, to be given a sense of excitement at how much fun it will be to meet other children, to play and to learn so he's not worried about going to a new place so much - go and walk past 'your' school at pick up time to see what happens, earn to recognise the uniform of 'your' school, talk about the type of things he'll be doing - playing, learning letters and numbers, explain he'll have a teacher to teach him and make it a place he'll be keen to go.

Concentrate on social skills. There are now so many children who come into school who cannot play with or alongside others, turn take etc. Doing up coats, being able to go to the toilet and wash hands properly, as well as using cutlery are great skills to be mastering now.

As for academic skills, a big box of foam letters to play with in the bath is how my three kids learned their initial phonics. Read lots (of course), repetitive texts will help your little one to join in. Also get him to notice letters, words and numbers around him when you go out. For fine motor get the play dough out, thread beads, pick up things with plastic kitchen tongs, anything like that. Kids today (I sound ancient!) are great st point and click on screens but it’s honestly surprising how many can’t make shapes from play dough. Sadly the pressure on the reception teacher to get them writing (and lots!) by the end of the year does not take this in to account. Stupid Ofsted/Government... but I digress...

I’m an ex Reception teacher

As everyone else about developing self help skills. Have a chat at nursery about what they do. My daughter attends nursery attached to a school and it’s mainly play but they do sing some of the phonics songs and talk about numbers/ shapes/ days of week. I tend to talk about numbers and shapes in in informal way anyway.

I’ve heard that it is important to develop fine motor skills through play eg play do, beads/ threading, Lego.

As pps have said life skills not academic. Along with dressing/undressing and bum wiping I would say teach him how to be kind to others, and how to regulate himself if not getting his own way.

My now 7 yo has lost the ability to flush the toilet since starting school. He was very excited to have 'a rhino' in the boys toilets and demanded we get one at home. A urinal ffs, no flushing required so now I have to say to him every single fucking time, have you flushed the toilet?

Don't teach anything unless you are 100% sure you are doing it correctly.

Alphabet won't help him, needs to be the letter sounds not names. Also ensure you are forming letters correctly. Lots of parents don't or even worse, teach them to write everything in capital letters.

If he's at nursery you will be surprised what he already knows!

If he's already at nursery, he probably knows a lot of things like this already - the toileting, dressing etc are the main things. He probably knows the alphabet already if you sing it! By all means do some drawing, pencil holding and basic letter formation, but in all honesty, I'm surprised you've not had similar items coming home from nursery. Does he have a learning journey (a book with pictures and comments from nursery) that you've seen? Have a chat to his key worker about what he's doing, what he needs and how best to support him. And most importantly, enjoy your time with him before he starts school.

Teaching him to make choices! For example if you go out to a cafe get him to choose what to eat (great at one of those 5 items in your lunch box places). Its amazing how slow lunch times can be with little ones who've never had to choose for themselves before.

I disagree with the poster who thinks education in this country is "basic".

I wouldn't bother with teaching reading writing etc. But you can play games to teach listening - so "what is the first sound in your name Sam?" "Yes its Sss, what else starts with Sss?" If you can move on to last sounds and even middle sounds that will make learning to read easy.
And count a lot, talk about shapes and colours, and bigger and smaller, before after and next to.
And of course read to him lots.

Children learn through play at this age. Counting blocks as you stack them, naming shapes and fitting shapes into their appropriate slots. Naming colours. If your DC shows an interest in letter sounds, pick out a few. Take the first letter of their name and find other words that start with the same sound. Not all children will want to do this so let it go if they're not interested.