To cut my mum out of my life

[Sherbetty]

I've never really felt like my mum likes me, she may love me because I'm her daughter but I'm starting to doubt that. Growing up she was always busy, the time she did have she would spend with my older sister and my sister loved every minute of it, if the attention was ever on me she would quickly turn it back to her. It's still like this now, they're incredibly close whilst I hardly feel like my mum knows me at all. She's always making me feel bad about myself and judging my choices in life. The amount of times I've heard "why can't you be more like your sister?". She makes me feel like I'm still a small child. I feel like an inconvenience to her, like there's no point really trying to keep in touch and regularly see her anymore. we usually go to see her every half term and school holiday but DC complain about going, they make a fuss whilst there, another thing she always comments on. If no one really wants to be there why go at all?

If you didn't visit her, would she visit you? Does she visit you, or is it all one sided?

she visits maybe once a year but the rest of the time we come to her

Maybe dripnit down to one visit per year
Could be easier than no contact at all

Before you cut her out of your life can you write her a letter detailing how you feel?

She is maybe unaware of the dynamic from her POV, some people need things pointing out.

Her response to you opening up will then make your decision easier but hopefully you will no longer need to be thinking of cutting her out.

I agree with writing a letter, not a nasty accusational one, but just letting her know how your relationship makes you feel & giving you both the chance to put it right. Cutting someone off is much harder than you think it will be.

i removed myself from my brothers life, the dynamic on how we behaved was hard to address. Age gap always meant I was the child and if I complained about his behaviour it was always turned back on me. I just stopped making the effort, I did think about telling him but I knew for him it was only my problem. I wanted to stop all contact but didn’t want any awkwardness in wider family events. It can often be the person who goes “non contact” who finds themselves excluded. You know your mother best, is she capable of understanding your position?

I don't think she would understand, I've explained it to her in the past and she's said how sorry she is but nothing has ever changed. That's just the way she is