Husband has porn on his phone

[44mum]

I found adult porn on my husband's phone today. He and his friend have been forwarding videos to each other for the last few weeks. I realise some people frequently watch porn but I didn't know my husband did. My husband, his friend and some other men are going on a stag do in a few weeks. What do other people think? Any suggestions on how I should handle this?

Have you had discussions about Porn in the past?

Is he just trying to be one of the lads, or got a new decent phone?

Not something I'd be comfortable with personally. But I think the sharing would bother me more for some reason, not sure why

Not sure there is anything for you to handle?

What is the problem? That he has watched porn or that he is going away? They are 2 entirely different issues.

I don't really see how him having porn and him going on a stag do are related??

My OH borrows my phone to access porn for a quick wank in the shower, usually if mine is nearer 😁

Wouldn’t bother me at all.

It doesn’t really matter what other people think about porn - what do you think? And have you discussed these boundaries with him in the past?

If it’s a firm no for you then you need to let him know now. But if you haven’t discussed this in the past then there’s no sense blowing up at him. It would be different if he’s broken a clearly set out boundary.

How do you feel about the porn and what impact do you think that has on him going away?

My oh watches porn and that's fine with me as long as it doesn't effect us as a couple. Like I want sex but he can't go again kind of thing would be an issue. But that doesn't mean it has to be the same for you, you need to figure how you feel about it. As for the going away thing, you trust him right?! Why would porn change that.

Clearly set out boundary.. like he's a dog you're training Let him do what he wants as an adult and when it actually impacts you negatively in any way, call it out then

Why were you looking at his messages/pics, do you have suspicions about him?

The reality is most men do look at porn.

Is it particularly offensive porn?
Violent for example?

If not I wouldn’t be bothered at all.

I’d hate this and would tell him so and would tell him why. But it’s up to him what he does with that info..

You'll get lots of people telling you they don't care about porn use so it's fine - and I agree with them, I watch and have no issue with my partner watching porn, and this would be a non-issue in my relationship. But it's your relationship and your tone suggests that either you've discussed this before and made your boundary about porn clear and he's crossed that boundary, OR that you are against porn, assumed he didn't watch it, and are now upset to realise he does. If it's the former then you need to have a chat with him and reinforce your boundaries. If it's the latter then you need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you - for example, is it the idea of it impacting your sex life? Does it make you insecure? Do you just feel icky about it? Work out what it is that is the problem, decide whether that's a deal breaker, and then speak to him accordingly. If you realise you were just a bit surprised but as long as it doesn't affect your sex life, you're not bothered, there's a very different outcome to if you're staunchly anti-porn and it's a hard boundary for you. And, of course, if you're worried about the ethics of it - there's lots of good, well produced and ethically made porn out there that's great and very enjoyable that you could both enjoy together :-)

My DH occasionally looks at porn. Sometimes with me, sometimes without. We share everything, fantasies etc.i have zero problem with it and don't understand why women do. If it's not violent, nasty or otherwise awful, just normal adult porn, what's the problem? Perhaps you need to talk more about stuff?

Not a big deal OP. Maybe you should watch some yourself. I'd only be upset if he was avoiding having sex with me but watching porn instead. Leave him be

How did you come to find porn on his phone today? Did he invite you to look around or were you snooping? If it’s the latter perhaps you want to sit and listen to a lecture about your inability around boundaries before you start lecturing other people about theres. Just an idea.

Hate when guys send their friends poem clips I don’t get it two ex partners of mine showed me clips that their friends sent them

I don’t get it it’s weird

Porn not poem

Not something I would worry about.. just because he watches porn does not mean he's more likely to cheat if that's ur concern..

My OH borrows my phone to access porn for a quick wank in the shower, usually if mine is nearer 😁

@TotesEmoshTerri - yes, boundaries. Everyone has boundaries and everyones will be different. Porn doesn’t bother me but it could be a hard pass for someone else, just as taking drugs or swearing or moving to another country or having children or voting Tory or not having sex could be in other people’s relationships.

It’s not about training or control, it’s about saying “I do not want a relationship with someone who wants X” and if that person wants X then you need to work on a compromise or move on. Telling someone they’re not allowed to do something is controlling. Saying that you can’t tolerate it in a relationship is not.

OP needs to decide what her boundaries are and why and to talk to her husband about it.

@Verryberrycherry, I am absolutely disgusted with your OH. I mean the shower?! Seriously? Your phone is going to be destroyed by steam and water!