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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for reassurance about going back to work?

11 replies

Thankfuckforgin · 02/01/2019 21:44

I have been on mat leave since just before Xmas 2017 and I'm back Friday. I never thought I was maternal but the love I have for my DS has hit me like a tonne of bricks almost straight from the off. I have no option realistically to not go back and funnily enough I don't think I'd take it anyway as I love my job and I've worked bloody hard to get where I am and I feel my professional persona is a crucial part of me I don't want to lose. I'm excited about lots of professional things coming up for 2019 and not looking to change jobs or anything. However, I am in an absolute state about leaving my wonderful perfect boy. I adore him and I have loved our year off, it's been amazing and he is incredible. I am really really struggling to cope with the grief I feel about missing seeing him. I have no qualms about the excellent nursery he's going to, they've been amazing through many weeks of settling in and although progress is slow and he cries at drop off, he is coming round and getting better every time. I also feel nursery will be great for his development. But all of this is practical stuff and emotionally I am an absolute wreck. Tell me it will get easier!

OP posts:
KatnissMellark · 02/01/2019 21:48

I was exactly the same. Love my job, but love my boy a tonne more. Went back full time. It's best for us. He loves nursery. I have found a bit of myself again. I can provide him a wonderful life and I'm a better mum to him too.

trilbydoll · 02/01/2019 21:49

Toddlers aren't quite the same as babies. Soon he'll learn the word NO and you'll be absolutely ecstatic that he's someone else's problem for the day. I can often be found sprinting down the stairs from the preschool at Usain Bolt type speed Grin

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 02/01/2019 22:15

I think most working mums feel like this OP. He has been with you every minute of every day for a year, of course it is a massive wrench being away for a whole day. Especially when they cry and need you so much.

The first few months are hard but suddenly they're 18 months and can understand o much more and know you're going to come back for them and they aren't as tired and upset, and you do get into a routine and it becomes nomal. And you feel a lot more like the old you again (even if you don't realise you're missing it )

Sophielt90 · 02/01/2019 22:20

I felt exactly the same I went off on maternity in January and I went back in November I was so distraught at nursery but was also realistic that I love my job and developmentally it was the best thing for DD, financially I also needed to go back. She has done amazingly well since she started and I'm also enjoying sitting down!!! Having hot drinks that are actually hot and not having to share my food with a tiny person. I miss her unimaginable amounts but also believe that the time apart makes me appreciate the time I do get with her so much more. I think you can lose your identity on maternity leave and if you're lucky enough to enjoy your job I think grab it by the horns. You will rock it when you go back it takes a few weeks to get into the new routine and you will get a few calls from the nursery where they are getting used to you LO but it will all settle Xx

barnacharmer · 02/01/2019 22:30

I was so gutted about going back to work, a complete state.

The 2nd day DD was in nursery, I waited out of sight for her to stop crying like my sister said she would. She didn't stop crying so I did, like a complete loon. A minute later she stopped as I snivelled my way out Blush

She quickly settled and would toddle off without a 2nd thought. 2.5 years on she stillloves it and skips in. I think it does her the world of good to have a separate world away from us. It's a wrench at the beginning but you get back to yourself which feels great and they get all sorts of experiences they wouldn't get at home

Rainshowers · 02/01/2019 22:33

I’m going back on the 14th Jan, and to a new job because I got made redundant as I went on maternity leave.

This is my second DD, so I’ve done the return to work thing before and I’m still stressing about it, the logistics, if my brain will work, how DDs will cope... But I know within the next few weeks it’ll become our routine, there’ll be a few hiccups on the way (probably me forgetting non-uniform day or not sending packed lunch to the childminder!) but we’ll manage.

I think the thought is worse than the reality. Before you know it you’ll have a hot cup of tea, a peaceful lunch break and then big cuddles when you’ve done the nursery pick up!

Jent13c · 02/01/2019 22:37

Just try to think of it as the next chapter. I went back at 9 months and while it wasnt easy (first 3 months were quite hard with him building an immune system!) I much prefer things now. He took a long time to settle to nursery but I get to appreciate my time at home with him so much more than I did before. If you have a good job that you enjoy its great getting to use those skills again.
My little boy is turning 2 next week and finally loves nursery. He talks about the staff all the time and tells me all the activities he has been doing and the great food he has had. I really enjoy seeing how loved he is there.

HollaHolla · 02/01/2019 22:48

Just think, though.... you’ll have the opportunity to go to the loo, and drink a cup of tea, alone.

Seriously, though, I know most friends have said that, no matter how much they love and adore their children, it’s good to have something for YOU again.

Hope that you’ve managed to sort out a good work pattern, and that you both settle into the new routine as quickly as possible.

5foot5 · 02/01/2019 23:05

It will get easier. Grin
I went back 4 full days a week when DD was 9 months and, for sure, it was tough at first. It was summer and I would go out at lunchtime in lovely sunshine and think "Aw, we could be playing in the garden or I cold be pushing her round the park."

But she soon settled in her lovely nursery, it was good for me being back at work and it made my extra day off with her really special. I got a cleaning lady and an ironing lady so I didn't spend my day off doing housework but spent it almost exclusively doing stuff with DD.

PumpkinPie2016 · 03/01/2019 08:18

I can only echo what others have said really.

It's hard at first but you soon settle into a new routine.

My son is 5 now so it's a while since I went back to work but he enjoyed nursery/preschool and it has been good for him to mix with lots of other children as he is an only child and we didn't see many others.

I didn't love my job at the time I returned (more the place than the actual job) but I am glad I went back as a year later, I got a new job which I have really enjoyed and gained a promotion!

It is nice being able to have an adult conversation, drink a hot cup of tea and generally be someone other that 'mum' all of the time.

Best of luck with your return!

riddles26 · 03/01/2019 09:59

I agree with everyone else, I really didn't want to go back after my first and seriously considered quitting despite doing a job I loved and had studied and worked for 8+ years to get to. I missed her so much when I first started and wanted to be home with her but 3 months in, we both were fully into our new routine - I loved working and loved my time with her even more. We did activities we enjoyed on our days together and I could afford to do them because of the income from work.

It will be hard but it was definitely the best decision I made

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