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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have had enough of my mother

9 replies

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 02/01/2019 19:47

Basically my brother and family are home for Xmas and they were due to come to DS's Xmas play a few weeks ago. I misread the note (working full time, just finished kitchen extension and life being busy). So I messaged them at 9.50am to say the play was at 11am (not 11.30am) and did any one want a lift (bearing in mind they are usually up at 7am). Turns out brother and SIL were hungover because they'd been to my sisters house the night before. So it was a bit of a rush but they were fine.

Then my mother wades in with a text saying good job I messaged them or they would have turned up when it was over. I replied and said that's why I sent you a message to let you know the time in advance. Her response was 'whatever!'

She timed this exchange on the day the whole family was going away for the weekend so for the weekend away I avoided interacting with her.

I knew she would try and get H on her side and I was right as she messaged him on Thursday saying she was concerned for my mental health, that my reaction was OTT and I was acting irrationally. She also said I'd stopped communicating with people and I was cold to everyone on the family weekend away.

Now that weekend she was the only one I avoided, I went shopping with SIL etc and had a night out on Fri night with both my siblings and in-laws. H did stick up for me and say there is nothing wrong with my mental health. He suggested they met up as he is disgusted with her but she refused.

H put pressure on me to go to their house before Xmas to smooth things over as everyone is planned to come to ours Xmas Day and he was worried she was starting a smear campaign against me. So I called over with the kids to give them their Xmas card and she stayed in the other room the whole time while I spoke with brother and SIL.

Myself and H split up for a short time earlier on in the year and she took his side. When I told her there had been sporadic DV over the yrs her response was it couldn't be that bad or I wouldn't leave the kids with him. When things weren't going well she would get him on side so they were all against me.

I was put under immense pressure to give things another go with H (My father stopped talking to me, my mother and sister fell out with me). Ironically we are getting on better now but he can see through her and her behaviour disgusts him.

My daughter was also assessed and diagnosed with dyspraxia last yr and she was totally against the assessment saying that there was nothing wrong with her and it was down to her bad start in life (myself and H weren't getting on at the time). And it's not lack of awareness on her part, she had worked in the disability sector for 15yrs.

H can't figure out why she would act like this to me. It is a 6 month cycle with her and I can predict it now at this stage. I just want to walk away, I've had enough

OP posts:
JamPasty · 02/01/2019 20:00

Well they sound grim. It's OK to walk away. Also, you're allowed to walk away from your husband too - domestic violence is never ok

MissionItsPossible · 02/01/2019 20:03

She sounds like she's undermining you on purpose. What was she like when you were growing up? Flowers

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 02/01/2019 20:03

Thanks for replying Jam. The worst thing is everyone thinks my mother is amazing, including herself. Not sure I have the strength to walk away from all of them at once.

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 02/01/2019 20:05

Mission she tells everyone I was an awful child, demanding, whiny. I think I was attention seeking but it was always the wrong kind of attention I got.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 02/01/2019 20:08

Sounds like dm has a problem with her own mh! Probably best to go lc with her for the time being.

MissionItsPossible · 02/01/2019 20:09

I think you should walk away from them (apart from your brother), if it would make you feel better. Even temporarily or low contact.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 02/01/2019 20:11

I definitely need to go lc but the thing is when I do that she seeks me out and tries to cause drama. She has a fantastic relationship with my sister because my sister is het clone. It is starting to now affect my relationship with my sister because she won't hear a word against my mother

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 02/01/2019 20:40

But your sister fell out with you when you left your husband because of domestic violence - she doesn't sound very nice either. Especially if she is, as you describe, her clone. It might be good for you to keep her on a low contact relationship too, OP.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 03/01/2019 12:14

That's true Mission. I have decided not to talk to my sister about our mother as she doesn't want to hear it anyway so it's pointless

OP posts:
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