In hospital overnight with DS - furious with “D”P

[DonaldDucksTowel]

I’m so fucking annoyed but don’t have energy to do it out loud atm

DS1 has a massive asthma attack and I took him to A&E at around 2am, he was actually in a really bad way and it took steroids, 6 nebulisers and 2 litres of oxygen to stabilise his breathing enough to get him onto a ward
After all that and a sleep he improved almost as rapidly as he went down and we were sent home at 5pm

So I get home, after spending the night stressed, worried, not having a wink of sleep, being absolutely freezing the whole time, not had a wash and generally just a bit of a mess and “D”P actually said that footballs on tonight so I can put the 2 babies in bed 😳
What. The. Fuck!
I’ve got to give DS1 meds all through the night and obviously I’ll be watching him like a hawk so why the fuckety fuck would he think that because I was home he was done and could chill out to watch football?!
Would your first reaction to me not to make me a cup of tea and say, go and have a hot bath and get you two in bed I’ll sort the others
Just a giant selfish self centred twatting fucking arsehole
I’m fuming
But knackered so I just told him to go fuck himself and got in the bath

Take the fuse from the tv plug.

Hope your little lad is soon on the mend, OP. As for the big pillock - words fail me.

Unfortunately it's typical male behaviour in my experience, my dh has never seemed to take health concerns seriously - he's great at most things but nothing medical. I can recall circumstances so similar to the op that it could have been me writing it! Hope your dd is ok

Good for you. What an absolute arse he is. Whenever I’ve been in hospital overnight with DS1, DH has sorted the kids when we’ve got back, made me a cuppa, got me chocolate and made sure I’ve had a bath, plus a takeaway for after. The time he stayed in with him I did likewise. I’d probably launch the telly out the window if he’d ever suggested watching football while I sort the kids

Thanks all, sweating here made me want to swear at him less

I wouldn’t want him to be the one to be up with DS, he doesn’t understand his asthma and I don’t think he realises how serious it can be, he was still telling me to ‘just keep an eye on him I’m sure he’ll be fine’ on my way out of the door last night, I don’t mind being up with DS at all I just would expect that he could hold the fort at home while I’m in hospital with a sick child ffs!

He didn’t mention the football again and is currently passive aggressively putting the babies to bed so me and DS1 have just got into my bed to watch/fall asleep to a film

Fucking football
Dick 😤

speaking as an asthmatic....having a parent who didn't understand my health would have been a big problem for me.

What a wanker. My DS had an identical night 2 weeks ago, steroids, nebulisers, me up the entire night.
DP stayed with us until midnight, went to work, came home and made me dinner and ran me a bath and insisted I had an early night. He sorted out DD. I did the meds through the night because he was working the next day but he certainly didn't sit back and expect to chill out while I ran around.

Hope your DS gets better soon

Ugh well done - hope you enjoyed your bath and DS has a good night tonight! for you too

Two th8ngs here

• he really needs to understand how dangerous asthma is. Find some leaflet/information, whatever form will. Talk to him more so he realises that asthma can kill. It’s nit just ‘oh he will be fine’.

Has he ever been in hospital with him during a bad attack, seen the medics struggling to control things etc.....? Has he ever been to a visit with the consultant to review meds/progress etc?

• he really really needs to learn how to look after his own ds re his asthma. One day your ds might well have a serious attack whilst in his dad’s care and you aren’t there. His dad needs to know what to do. He needs to know how to look after his own child so that child is well.

‘Not understanding’ isn’t a good enough reason for him to not know how to look are his own dc.

As for thé PA putting the dcs to bed.... really? You mean he actually hasn’t understood why you were angry? He hasn’t understood the importance of his own child’s health? And he hasn’t understood that his dear football wasn’t on the top of the priority list before his child, his wife and their well being?
I wouod Be sooo angry at that reaction. Perhaps even more than his first assumption he couod just ask you to look after all the dcs so he couod watch football.

What a twat! Once everything has calmed down, you need to sit him down and tell him exactly why his behaviour was unreasonable. And you also need to make him understand that asthma is potentially life threatening.
Thankfully my DC's don't have any chronic health conditions, but my DH is notoriously bad for minimising stuff. "Oh I'm sure it'll be fine" is his response to most stuff. The worst being him not believing I was in labour It drives me mental. I feel for you!

well played OP, you handled an entitled twat DP. Please don't forget that having fucked himself, he also has the option to fuck off some more, or to the far side of fuck. Should he not be able to get his head out of his arse, these routes are open to him.

What a thoughtless dick. I hate how football makes some people behave

I recall another thread here a while back about whether football obsessived people were childish and selfish and the pro-football people were merrily quoting that line about football isn’t a matter of life and death, it’s more important than that. You are literally living that trite phrase right now OP. I am so proud of you for expressing your feelings about how awfully your husband has been treating you. I could never have a serious relationship with a football fanatic, having seen too much of this selfish prioritisation amongst family and friends.

As well as completely disregarding your own enormous effort, stress and discomfort, your husband’s attitude towards your son’s health appears deeply uncaring.

Unless he has some sort of learning new difficulty, and unless you are a medical doctor specializing in respiratory diseases, he should be just as capable as you of understanding and managing the home care of your son’s asthma. If he doesn’t because he doesn’t want to or doesn’t care, that is an appalling abdication of responsibility and I have no idea where you could go from there in your relationship. (Maybe just think though if there is any risk you have been control-freaky about the asthma in the past and excluded him from your son’s care - not trying to blame you but sometimes mothers make themselves indispensable to the exclusion of the other parent, so if that is you, you can also work to fix this). But it sounds much more likely that he is a selfish uncaring man. I really hope things improve for you but I have no idea how that might happen.

Hope your son recovers well.

Well done 👍 really hope that DS has a quiet night and if he has another attack send his father off to take him to the hospital. If needs be call an ambulance and claim you need to stay home with the other DC. Perfectly acceptable for the father to accompany a sick child. Let him see how the Docs have to work rapidly and seriously with an asthma attack.

what a twat why doesnt he understand your sons asthma hes his parent does he not give a shit

my dh has a daughter who had severe asthma as a child he spent many nights with her in hpsital then had to go to work

bin him sounds like he dont care

It is just so pathetic and awful when men don’t know how to care for their children.

Really OP, this isn’t ok. He needs to have a hell of a lot more experience of having to care for them. What an asshole.

I see where you are coming from but I think it’s up to both of you to look after each other and the children, which means you can’t expect preferential treatment because you spent the night and day at your child’s bed side just as any Mum should and he shouldn’t expect to watch to football until all your family needs are met ( including yours when all the work is done). Sympathies OP honestly, but you both still have a duty to see the family needs through until all the children’s needs are met. Then you can have your bath and DH can watch the football on catch up . I don’t think either of you have earned the right to off load the rest of the days work onto the other.

Wow, this sounds like one of those gamer widows where the family is less important than whatever game they are obsessed with. Only 'football' has historically been seen as important, so she should "understand".

Fuck that. You have an ill child that you need to be with. He can take care of everything else, including other children. Anything less, and he's a twat. Football can wait.