Was I an arse to DP?

[halseyismyname123]

I love my fiancé. I honestly do, but a whoops baby with him at 46 was not on the cards and yet now I am almost 22 weeks along and feeling like utter shit. Life has been a rollercoaster the past few weeks, my 3 year old has been going through an extremely bratty phrase, I have a 16 year old who is outright refusing yo revise for GCSE's and obessing over a lad whose house she wants to spend a night at even though I barely know him, and my ex husband (my older two's father) making me do a 3 hour drive to his and back twice a week for his contact with the kids as he decided to move away. We also looked after my sister's step baby granddaughter over Christmas after her stepdaughter suddenly died. Shit is just getting the better of me.

The day before NYE ago while the other DC's were with ExH we agreed on what our DD's name would be and that was a nice evening. We sat in front of the telly and had a cuddle. I had a very small glass of champagne (I know, but I've had nothing else throughout the pregnancy and don't intend to have anymore. The glass was smaller than what DD16 had at Christmas) to celebrate.

Things went to shit the next morning after I'd brought DC's home and they both caused me a lot of stress. DS3 had a sick bug and diarhhea and I had to bathe him 4 times that day and DD16 was in general being a teenage brat. DP was up in the nursery all day assembling flatpack furniture for baby and leaving me to deal with DC on the basis that it was not his problem. I had a go at DP, saying that a he does is thing about us and our baby with rose tinted glasses and that he alwayd shys away from the tough parts of life. I said if he can't help with my older DC's when they are playing up then simply for the sake of taking some stress off his pregnant partner, then he'd probably be the same with a crying baby and leave me to do all of the work.

I didn't mean it, I was just stressed and snapped. He is great with my DC's most of the time and I'm sure he'll be a lovely father to our new baby. But on that particular day we just didn't seem to gel. I have apologised repeatedly but he seems very hurt by what I have said and has started using the fact that I had one alcholic drink as a way of defending himself. I feel awful

Firstly why are you doing all that driving to facilitate the Ex's contact with his dc? That's his problem. I'd let him sort it out.
And secondly, it's not really dp's job to get involved in your disagreements with the 16 yo is it? So many step dads step in, throw their weight around and cause resentment in the dc, and also in the DC's mother who suddenly decides to protect the dc. So the stepdad is in a lose/lose situation. Your dp made the right decision. He's justified in feeling hurt.

He was out of order to bring up you having a small drink. It's irrelevant to him not helping out with the other DCs and pretty mean, especially since you were apologising to him. It sounds like stressful time for all of you right now. Is he normally good with the older children? If you've not been together long and this is his first child is it possible he's feeling overwhelmed?

We've been together just over one year. Living together 6 months and engaged for 3. Yes this is his first DC. I understand if he is feeling overwhelned but he also seems to have a very perfect idea of what life is going to be like when baby is here. Whereas I, having raised two DC's already know that it's a lot bloody harder your first child is here than what you expect before they are born. I feel like our different expectations on that is where our conflict has stemmed from.

Ok there's a lot going on here. Firstly, why are you doing the driving when your ex moved? Honestly you have only been together a year and lived together for six months, give him a break, they aren't his kids, it's a new relationship, it's not like he was laying on the couch scratching, he was busy and he's usually good. He probably feels overwhelmed, it's early days for him to be parenting his girlfriends kids too to be honest. I would give him some break, that said, you apologised so no need for him to drag the arse out of it either

My ExH doesn't drive, never has done due to an eye disorder. When I'm further along and also when baby is tiny I will not be driving. I think he'll be an issue on that but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.