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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you've ever been off with work related stress

11 replies

Onthegoodtimes70 · 01/01/2019 20:52

How long you were off for? Currently been off 8 weeks with work related stress. I'm starting to feel really guilty.

OP posts:
PandasAreCuteAnimals · 01/01/2019 22:46

I've been off with MH issues where i needed a break from work to get well and function. I was off about 4.5 months and did feel some guilt. However part of getting better was realising I want well enough to be at work. When I went back I was much improved and had the tools to keep working on my MH.

You say you're off with work-related stress. What's happened and what will change with being off? Is your employer supportive and do you see a way back? I think that's what's important and what you need to focus on

MereDintofPandiculation · 01/01/2019 23:03

My GP was signing me off for a fortnight at a time which I was finding really stressful as the end of each fortnight drew near, so he signed me off for a lot longer. I think I was off over a year (this was over 20 years ago), then I came back 1 day a week and built up to full time over about 6 months. I didn't feel in the least bit guilty because it was clear to me that I wasn't up to going back.

Also arranged to work from home after I returned, only going into office for meetings, so that was a very positive outcome.

myohmywhatawonderfulday · 01/01/2019 23:16

Don’t feel guilty. It’s an emotion that will not help your recovery.

Workplaces have insurance. It’s your managements responsiblity to cover the workload - not yours. You will also have a sickness policy for a reason - because people get sick. You are not the first nor will be the last.

If it helps imagine you have a sling in your mind. You wouldn’t expect some with a broken leg to just get on with it and ignore. So why should you when you are sick?

MrsDannyRicc · 01/01/2019 23:16

I was off for 4 months then handed in my notice as they had no interest in resolving the issues. Had pay for a further 7 weeks, including holiday pay.

HollaHolla · 01/01/2019 23:21

I’ve not been off with this, but I’ve currently got two colleagues off with stress - one work related; one personal. Although they’ve been in touch (we’re a fairly tight-knit group), I’ve tried very hard to not mention work, as I don’t think it’s fair or helpful. They both need the time away in order to get well. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all, as you’d not feel as bad - or be made to feel as bad - if it was a broken leg or the like. Please don’t force yourself back before you’re ready.

It’s unfortunately been a nightmare for me, however, as our manager’s response has been to ask me to cover about 80% of their work.... but that’s another story about poor management.... Sad

Naughty1205 · 01/01/2019 23:26

Yes, a few times, some 6 months, some 3. But had to go through various medications and needed that time. No point going back to work half right.

notacooldad · 01/01/2019 23:27

I was off for for just over 5 months.
I was offered another job in a different department with much better conditions. They did try and imply that I could have the job if I went back to work before my sick note ran out. I refused and still got the job they offered. The conditions are really good and the management team are the best I've ever worked with.
I refused to go back earlier and wanted to stand my ground as I perceived this as potential bullying.

I had the most fabulous doctor who listened to what the concerns without judgement . I was signed off for a month at a time. I didn't feel guilty for various reasons.
This was a few years ago. It was noted that I had worked for 30 years for the employer with hardly any days off sick so this made them sit up and take notice. Since the change of job I haven't had a day off sick ( quite a few years ago now) this has also been noticed in my appraisal.

Burlea · 01/01/2019 23:33

DH was off with stress, the first time he was off for 5 months, went back for 6months, work had not improved his conditions. He had a break down, his GP signed him off 6 months straight away. Had counseling. As he was about to return they made him an offer to finish on ill health which he did.
It took a long time to get better.

Original poster
Onthegoodtimes70 · 02/01/2019 10:19

I plan to go back. I'm just not sure when I will feel able to.

OP posts:
DannyWallace · 02/01/2019 10:22

Yes I have. I was a HCP in a very high stress job and I was being asked (made!) to do things that I wasn't trained to do and felt very unsafe.
I went back after 3 months (mostly because of the guilt) but it was the worst thing I did.
After a few months I ended up off again for another 3 months, but spent that time fighting for change for myself and my colleagues.
I ended up working there for another 1.5 years after, and had great support from my colleagues. I moved on for different reasons.

MsHopey · 02/01/2019 10:24

Honestly, I had a week off, re-evaluated everything in that week, and then went back in just to hand my notice in.
Best thing I ever did job wise.
I was miserable, anxious, crying, getting panic attacks, all for minimum wage. No thanks.
I got a new job within 3 weeks.

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