To micro manage 13yr olds phone time

[Imustbemad00]

My dd got an iPhone for Xmas. First iPhone but not first phone. I used to always check her phone and messages ect but now she’s older she wants a bit of privacy which I understand. I also use the phone as a means of punishment so she has often spent quite long periods without it which I’m always glad about.

Anyway, her behaviour is now mostly good except for normal teenager attitude. The problem is that she is attached to the phone 24/7.

Luckily iPhone has a screen time setting that I can manage from my own phone and she does not know the passcode to, meaning I can set it to shut down at 10pm (school holidays) and set a time limit for the day. I can also see what she’s using and for how long.

She is already fuming about the 10pm cut off but I have also set a time limit on it now. So far today she has spent 9 HOURS on her phone!! She’s only been awake between 10-11 hours. Am I being completely unreasonable?? Most of that time has been on social media.

She said nobody else’s parents does this. But do people really let there children stare at a phone screen for 90% of the day. She would literally be on it until falling asleep.

Definitely keep monitoring and managing her screen time. I’m in my 30’s and find it so easy to spend hours glued to my phone. The more time I spend on it though, the worse I feel so I am cutting right back. 9 hours is a really worrying amount of time to spend on a phone in a day. She clearly can’t self regulate so she needs you to do it for her.

I think you are doing the right thing - 10pm is definitely late enough!

I think that’s fair.

You might want to consider giving her a chance to limit herself for a week or so and then show her her screen time usage and talk about what she is missing out on when she’s in the phone and ask her to think about how helpful/purposeful the time in the phone is. Maybe ask her to be honest about how being in the phone fornling periods makes her feel.

But if she can’t regulate herself then you’ll have to help her learn. Phone addiction is a real problem. I’m currently Evening myself off. My screen time was 24 hours in a week before Christmas!

She’s just trying to push you. Don’t give in! When I was a teenager all we had was msn time on the family computer and I only was allowed an hour a day

We make DSD leave her phone at home when we go out which helps with the screen time issue and we can justify that to her.
I would give her a bit of a chance because she’s only just got the phone; similar to a child getting an Xbox and playing it constantly at first.
After that it might be easier to negotiate that she spends some time without her phone when she’s sitting with you in the evenings or during certain activities.

She seems addicted. She was the same with her old phones but didn’t have unrestricted access in the same way.

She’s managed to clock up over 10 hours today and she’s only been awake a little over 12. Her argument is that she hasn’t been out so nothing else to do.

I’m thinking of setting a 5 hour time limit. She will hate me but 5 hours still seems a ridiculous amount of time.

I’m guilty of spending too much time looking at my phone myself. I’m aware I’m often distracted by it when my kids are talking to me and I really want to change that.