To think what DD is sad

[MrsMaker88]

DD just told me she wants to marry me, she wants to be a boy and that daddies have more fun. She mentioned specifically she wants to go up in the loft like DH so could just be that...!

Me and DH are having some challenges, including him spending a tonne of money on his hobbies that we can’t afford. When we met we had a very even split, I actually earned more and had a pretty exciting career etc. Right now i’m SAHM tho I’m looking for a new job, and I’m quite sensible with money etc. Might my daughter see being a woman as boring, or is she possibly affected by our arguments, or is this quite common?

I thought it was really sad she thought this, DH just said she’s tired...??? Once we talked she seemed fine.

How old is she? It does sound like its mostly a reaction to her dad specifically doing something she wanted to do but also don’t underestimate the subconscious socialisation kids get from advertising etc often portraying women as domestic and men as energetic go-getters! No idea how you counter something so widespread, but don’t feel it’s your fault specifically!

My daughter is obsessed with me not having a job outside the home. Keeps suggesting places I could work, she’s 6. She’s also fixated on what I do when she’s in school. I suppose she’s trying to make sense of the world she lives in.

Yes, she’ll be getting it from wider society, but she’ll take her main messages from what she sees in her family, and at the moment, it does seem like daddies have more fun. Not terribly surprising your DH doesn’t think it’s a problem.

My 3y.o. once very sadly told that she wanted to go to space but couldn't because she had to be a mermaid.... I think the age of your daughter is key. Young children come out with some random stuff!

Yes its a statement of your marriage and what he does which is clearly what he wants

No its not common in healthy relationshops

I'm presuming it's not safe for her to go in the loft... Definitely get yourself up there and show her the 'fun' isn't just for daddies

She’s 5

It could be completely random, it could be down to little things like daddy getting to go in the loft, it could be because she does see daddy as having more fun and getting to do what he wants. The latter reason is very sad but it's hard to say for sure if that's why.

In the short term, go up into the loft yourself...

In the medium term you're right, it sounds as though it's provoked by daddy doing whatever he fancies and spendingloads of money on his hobby and you having to be the sensible one. Acting like an irresponsible, selfish, greedy child obviously looks more fun! I guess if you find work and let her see you having fun that'd help, though your "D"H is clearly the problem.

When dd1 was 5yo we had to agree not to discuss the fact she couldn't marry daddy until she was 16yo as she got so upset at that idea. She's now 18yo and I can assure you it hasn't worried her for many years, nor does she even want to discuss it.

Ds was going to work for Kwik Fit at a bit younger as he couldn't think of anything better than playing with wheels all day.

Definitely get yourself up in the loft and if possible get your husband to hold her up so she can just look.

I'd be sorting out a tighter budget for his hobby if he's spending to much. When you've got yourself a job don't let him think he can spend more on the hobby because two wages are coming in.

The fact that she wants to marry you might suggests she thinks you're the sad one who needs a better husband (her, in her thinking). That could well be a response to the arguments. Beyond that yes, I would say she's looking at the two of you and making a clear choice about which life she'd rather model. This is her normal so she's probably not sad for herself but again may be sad for you.

They have funny ideas, don't really have the imagination to put themselves in others shoes.
Before we lived together I used to visit oh when he had kids to visit. The little one thought I just came to see them (I hadn't known them before) she was gobsmacked when she was told I also visited daddy when she wasn't there.
Don't worry op she's just trying to make sense of things. Sort it out with her daddy. Otherwise she's right, he's having more fun.

it's too easy to say but i would have to question my relationship if dh was spending shed loads of money on a hobby and leaving the home situation in a difficult position, he'd think he was a big kid and couldn't have much respect for him as a result. but of course i don't know op's situation in full.

DH is in a lot of trouble with me right now, we have put together a plan for him to rectify it... he’s been a selfish twat and I’ve let him be till now

DD normally says she can’t wait to be a mum and a nanny (normally wants 10 kids). I forgot about this.. Maybe with all that’s going on I’m reading too much into what she said today. We only watch Dora and Doc McStuffins and we don’t have adverts but I still worry about the ideas she’s formed in general from everything around us but there isn’t much point in dwelling on that apart from what I can change about our home situation. I’d be devastated if she felt sorry for me!

Best get psyched up for hopping up in the loft

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=%23&ved=0ahUKEwio4dj4q83fAhWtVRUIHXy_DGUQxa8BCCYwAA&usg=AOvVaw0VTJzWxrN8ZFOD4xbU2nov
Being a SAHM is seriously under-valued!

Link won't work. Google the 'women against tiredness society'

I remember when my sister was five she was adamant she was going to marry my mum and never leave her. She also wanted to be a teletubby. I would not think anything of it.

Haha howvery