To fear co-parenting?

[badidas]

DP and I had our DS fairly young. He was quite self absorbed when we had him and we ended up splitting just after DS was born. We spent a year apart, where I virtually did everything on my own because that's how I wanted it and that's all I knew.
He started really proving himself before DS' 1st birthday and we got back together 5 months later. He is an excellent dad in every way really. But it just hasn't worked as well as I assumed it would if that makes sense? We bicker quite a lot, we don't particularly trust each other and I'm not sure if I'm in love with him anymore.
I'm just really worried about splitting if that's what it comes to. I'm avoiding thinking about it because I'm so worried. DP has issues with jealousy and I wouldn't want him causing problems with that if and when I chose to move on. Even though I've done it on my own before, I worry about not having the simple things like someone to watch DS when I shower, or quickly run to the shop or go for a food shop etc and to do everything with a toddler in tow again. I worry about seeing him move on. I worry about my DS and feel guilty over his dad not being here anymore, and I'm stressed that - although DP is an excellent dad - he can get quite petty and that he'd fall short of holding it together/getting on for our DS. I'd want to still get on so there isn't such a drastic change for DS but I'm not sure if he'd make that possible. And I'm worried I'll get awfully lonely - I work part time but don't have any friends or many family except my mum.
Can anyone reassure me? It's a really crappy New Years Day

In terms of impact on the child I think a split when they are young and will never have a memory of life being any different is far less damaging than parents bickering around them and splitting up when they are older.

No one can tell you what the future holds but if you are young you have a lot of life ahead of you and need to make the most of it.

Break ups are difficult but putting it off is only delaying the inevitable pain.

@Doyoumind thanks for your reply

Is there any way you could have some couples counselling? You both seem to have been so through quite a lot in a shirt space of tinme. Counselling may be good as you say you both have issues with trust and possibly jealousy, maybe those could be cleared out of the way to work out how you really feel.

Having a baby is wonderful but tiring and draining without bickering and pettiness, in the new year can you look into widening your social circle. Try and meet some other parents via baby groups, just having a supportive outket make take some pressure off. Good luck OP.

@KC225 I'm going to look into counselling but just feel a bit hopeless at the minute.

I have tried baby groups etc but always feel so pushed out as I look/am so much younger than other mums there!

Any positive stories of co-parenting after a one sided break up?

I am in a similar situation in that our relationship is not working at all. I'm scared to make the break for similar reasons to you.
It's a very hard one to figure out, I know I'd be happier if we split but I don't think anyone else would. I worry about initiating the split being thrown back in my face.

How do you mean by ‘in love’? My husband and I don’t often get butterflies or feel madly in love anymore - but I know I love spending time with him and want to be with him forever. I don’t want my life to change - I love having him be my partner in life.

Love changes over time and I figure if you’re always chasing that ‘in love’ feeling you’ll never be with someone forever, because those feelings do fade.

If you are not getting on at all and really dislike being with him, and think you would be better off without then I think that would be good reason to split. But if you want to make a go of it, I agree with others that couples counselling would be a good option.

Films and tv teach us that we have to be madly in love all the time with our partners and without that there’s no point being with them. But it’s simply not true. Feelings don’t represent fact. I had a total breakdown a few years ago when I realised I wasn’t getting that butterflies feeling any more, my mind was constantly saying ‘do I love him?’ But I knew I still wanted to be with him. Eventually I got over the panic and realised it’s just love evolving.

@oooerrmissus really sorry you're going through it too 

@Cafeaulait27 I'm not sure what I mean by in love. But I'm not sure I'm sexually attracted to him anymore and I am to other people. I love being around him and spending time with him but the thought of spending my life with him isn't a secure and happy feeling anymore.

Badidas- do you know what makes you feel like spending your life with him isn’t a secure and happy feeling anymore? Do you worry he doesn’t want to be with you?

If you still love being with him I would go to couples counselling, as there may be some hope there.

Not sure about the sex thing - I think it does fade over time and is something you have to remember to put the effort into as it really helps maintain that closeness.

Has he changed in how he looks / let himself go a bit that might be affecting the attraction?

I think myself and my husband have personality types that love security and familiarity - so we’ve always wanted to be together forever, but who knows what will happen in the future. I know it’s not like that for other people and I sometimes think we are quite different to others in that way.

I think it’s a wonderful thing to have someone you love being with and that you know will be there forever (obviously no one knows 100%) so if there is anything there you want to keep then it’s worth a try.

No relationship is perfect - we all have days when our partners annoy us, or our lives seem boring, or we don’t fancy our partners. So I would say it’s possible that you might just be worrying you’re not in love because the excitement phase has passed.

Obviously you know best and will know in your gut what’s right for you, but I know I had a similar feeling of am I in love? So I just like to let people know I made it through and realised it’s because we are fed a load of crap basically about how relationships should be.

Just a random question - but would you ever want to get married?