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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask about making friends

15 replies

whatsthepointthen · 31/12/2018 21:19

I have very little family, Just my sister and dad (and my children) I have to cut off the rest of my family as they are not nice
people, very toxic. I havent got any friends, literally not one. I left school early due to bullying, never went college or uni and only worked jobs that meant I was working alone. I then met my ex and had my children.
How on earth do you make friends as an adult?! Its a very lonely existence and even my children have started to notice. Aibu to ask if its possible to make friends as an adult and if so how?

OP posts:

TwinkleMerrick · 31/12/2018 21:22

I made a new friend at baby group recently. How old are your kids? Have you heard of meetup? It's an app where u can join like minded social groups, for hobbies ect. My parents started dancing about 10 years ago, they have made loads of friends through it. Something like seroc salsa xx

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 31/12/2018 21:23

Mid 40's here. No friends for over ten years. Divorced back then and moved away.. Got a lovely dh +dc now but absolutely no one else..
Do have very in depth chats with ddogs but that's all!!
No solution op but to a better new year!!

ApproachingATunnel · 31/12/2018 21:25

Same question here. Little family, no really close friends. Can we get together all of us and see if we click? I would love new non cf friends. Just someone to share munadne of life, few beers and a laugh?
It is difficult. Im in SE, fancy a meet?

hidinginthenightgarden · 31/12/2018 21:26

I set up a Facebook group for mums in my local area. Made one or two good friends.

Original poster

whatsthepointthen · 31/12/2018 21:28

Im glad to hear its not just me, honestly my ex made out I was a freak for having no friends!

It doesnt help I suspect that I have asd (2 of my children do) and im very socially awkward. I have 3 in primary school but havent made friends that way and a baby.

OP posts:

Malibucyprus · 31/12/2018 21:40

I nearly started a thread earlier asking how to make new friends, but wasn’t brave enough.

I’m 35, have a DP, 2 DD’s 14 & 11 and only have 2 good friends, speak to them via text or phone calls a few times a week but never meet up, all busy with kids, work etc...

This year I’d really like to make couple friends, so we can go out as a foursome for drinks, food, have people round maybe. But where to start? I’m not good at approaching people, so how do you make friends?

I’m the only female at work, so don’t even have work buddies.

mrsm43s · 31/12/2018 21:40

Honestly, the best way to make friends is to go out on a limb and ask people if they fancy grabbing a coffee/catching a film/popping out for a drink/meeting up with the kids at a park etc. And you need to have a thick skin, prob 50% won't say yes, but generally they'll be polite about it.

Places to "find" friends are work/gym/school gates/playpark/softplay/ neighbous/friends of friends etc. You could also try the more formal meet ups/hobby groups/organised sports clubs etc.

But you need to take a deep breath, be brave, and learn to take a few knockbacks. Not everyone you get coffee with will end up being a life long friend, but you should be able to find a few who you really hit it off with.

Popfan · 31/12/2018 21:45

Hobbies and voluntary work. Both me and my DH have made lots of friends as adults this way.

emmaluvseeyore · 31/12/2018 21:47

I made most of my friends through clubs that I joined or volunteering. I do a dance class, sing in a choir and volunteer with Girlguiding. I don’t often see them outside the weekly sessions I go to, but they’re still my friends. Finding people with shared interests is a great way to break the ice and meet like-minded people. I love my volunteering as I’ve made friends across the country and also in other countries, and it’s given me some amazing experiences.

donkeyshrekmom · 31/12/2018 21:47

Similar situation here. I've joined the meet up group and get dozens of emails about activities but haven't been to anything yet. They also do speed friending events and I have promised myself to give that a try. Found a website called 'together friends' - not that extensive and had to pay to join but I've met a lovely person through that - we've met up a few times and get on like a house on fire. I'm a bit crap socially in the normal places people usually make friends - hobbies, school gate etc.

donkeyshrekmom · 31/12/2018 21:48

I now need to find a friend or two for DH who is even worse off than me ...

MereDintofPandiculation · 31/12/2018 21:52

Voluntary work, something involving a group of people doing something together, not serving in a charity shop with at best one other person. Even better if you can offer to do a useful job, because that means people have to come to you and interact with you.

Or a hobby or course that involves people doing things together.

I'm socially awkward, and most of my friends have come through voluntary work or shared hobbies, and I've pushed myself into the centre of things by being willing to be on committees, take Minutes and so on. You won't get on with everyone, but do enough and meet enough people and you will find people who become friends. I've far more friends now than at school, university or the first years of work.

LavaLampLover · 31/12/2018 21:54

I've moved away from friends. One of them told me to get the Meet Up app to look for geeky game events a d through attending one, I've made a few friends and reconnected with an old friend from this area.

Junkmail · 31/12/2018 21:58

I’ve found it really hard to make friends as an adult too. I also have very little family but I am close with my sister and I would say she is my best friend. However I found that sports and activities have been my best route to friendships. I made friends through horses, classes, group dog walking. I only made two lasting friendships through these but that’s actually enough for me! I know it’s a bit daunting OP but maybe try something new and see where it leads.

Newlea · 31/12/2018 22:52

It is hard but like a PP said you have to keep looking and working at it. I have invited mums at school gatrs for coffee / meals / walks etc. I am always happy to host and a good meal goes a long way in creating good relationships. I also call / messsge friends from my past often even if they never make the first contact. As far as I am concerned, more people for me to talk to. They are happy to talk to.me when I call. They just won't call themselves. Over time, people will respond. It will work out. Promise.

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