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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect people to send a thank you message for gifts?

46 replies

mazv1953 · 31/12/2018 20:38

I was brought up to send a thank you message when I got a present from someone - assuming I was not able to say it directly at the time. But my DILs never respond when I post them presents for their birthdays or Christmas. Part of the issue is that I then have no way of knowing if they have been delivered but tbh most of the issue is that I think it rude. My DDs will send an email or text - just with "Thanks" and that is fine. I don't expect flowing pages of gratitude! Maybe times have moved on and my ideas of what constitutes good manners is now rather out of date?

OP posts:

Babygrey7 · 31/12/2018 21:35

Give it time, Christmas was only a week ago. Goodness, we have not sent ours yet as not been at home (MIL, is this you?!)

BonBonVoyage · 31/12/2018 21:38

Do you expect a thank you card for gifts that you saw being opened? I send a thank you text but not to those who were there at the opening.
Formal cards sent for wedding gifts and gifts for new baby though

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 31/12/2018 21:57

I would send a text message or telephone to say thank you the day I received the gift personally. Bad manners not to.

DuggeesWooOOooggle · 31/12/2018 22:04

I would thank someone in person if they were there when I opened it and wouldn't feel the need to follow it up. If they weren't there I would send a text/FB/WhatsApp/card to say thank you.

If you haven't opened the present you can't properly say thank you.

PinkDaydreams · 31/12/2018 22:09

Early thirties here too and I also was brought up writing thank you cards, if I was given money or vouchers then I’d also write what I’d spent them on.
Little ones first Christmas and I’ll be sending out thank you cards within the next week or so.
Winds me up getting a very reluctant mumbled thank you from children, I feel like shaking the parents and telling them to teach their children some manners!!

Warpdrive · 31/12/2018 22:11

I always did, but then I got married and when I wrote thank you notes to all the in-laws they were all totally bemused and flummoxed. They’d clearly never done it and didn’t get what it was all about! It was all a bit awkward frankly...I ended up being embarrassed that I’d done it!

JurassicGirl · 31/12/2018 22:14

My dc have written out thank you cards but we haven't posted them yet.

We'll do it on Tuesday when the shops/post office get back to normal.

Maybe give it a bit longer?

Tigger001 · 31/12/2018 22:52

I have just today posted thank you cards for my DS gifts. He will be taught the same.

ForeverBubblegum · 31/12/2018 23:51

Is DIL married to your DS, maybe they assume as he is the closest relative he will be doing a whole family thank you.

Dosen't excuse not thanking you for birthday presents though, that definitely is there responsibility.

whatsnewchoochoo · 01/01/2019 00:00

Same here OP. loads of people in my life haven't said thanks for their gift. I only expect a text but I'm often left wondering if 1. They hated it or 2 they never got it. It's really bothering me at the moment

DappledThings · 01/01/2019 00:06

Late 30s. Always had to do this and my DC will. Currently too young so I do it for them. But it's becoming harder and harder to buy thank you cards in packs so it must be dying out.

Togaandsandals · 01/01/2019 00:10

I think it’s rude to not thank someone for a present. With mobile phones text would be fine by me, but no acknowledgement is impolite.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 01/01/2019 00:12

Of course they should thank you, it's plain bad manners not to!

People don't send flowery thank you cards or write letters any more (I remember the agony of having to do that as a child - trying to make it more than two sentences) but a quick phone call, text or e mail, yes of course.

If I didn't get an acknowledgement of some sort, they wouldn't get a gift again.

Weathermonger · 01/01/2019 00:20

I don't think it's generational - I was brought up to acknowledge gifts - letters then, email, text or phone call now - and so have my children. My PILs however have never acknowledged any gift - they don't even say thank you when you're sitting in the same room. It really used to piss me off, even my kids have commented on how rude it is, but they (PILs) aren't going to change now.

Darkstar4855 · 01/01/2019 00:28

I was brought up to do it to the extent that when my son was born last month I spent his first couple of weeks breastfeeding on one arm and writing thank you notes for all the gifts we received with the other!

However not everyone is and I think you just have to accept that some people won’t write and thank you and not take it personally.

Bernadetteloves · 01/01/2019 00:36

We send cards. Will post them after New Year when post is up and running again. Have been hosting/visiting friends and relatives every day since Christmas. It hasn't been a week yet. Give them a chance.

dontknowwhattodo80 · 01/01/2019 00:48

I expect my sons to send something if they weren't there when the present was given,This might just be a text.

If they're given money/vouchers then I try and get them to find a way to let the giver know what they bought.

I don't get bothered by children not sending anything to me though, but I know it's something others expect

mindutopia · 01/01/2019 01:11

Did you only send gifts to your DIL though and not to your sons or grandchildren? Usually we’d say thank you collectively, me to my family and my dh to his...not that my MIL has bought me a gift or in anyway acknowledged my birthday in years, but anyway. As for Christmas, my dc haven’t even gotten around to doing thank you cards yet, it was barely yesterday. But my dh is responsible for that as it’s for his family anyway.

luckylavender · 01/01/2019 01:30

This again!!! Of course it's not a generation thing to thank people if they send you a gift. It's never been easier to phone, text, email, Skype, FaceTime, WhatsApp, Snapchat etc, so there is NO excuse except extreme bad manners. Don't say you're too busy. The person who sent you a gift is busy too. Good manners cost nothing.

PantTwizzler · 01/01/2019 01:37

I have several recipients who never send the tiniest text of acknowledgment. I find it v rude but they can’t help it if they’ve never been taught I suppose. My DC always write. I insist. I don’t care if they find it boring.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/01/2019 01:42

"So weird that some people think that saying thank you is an ‘older generation’ thing

What??!"

I don't think anyone said SAYING thank you was an older generation thing. They're talking about thankyou LETTERS.
The tradition was strong when I was a child, but I don't do it, mainly because I don't want to encourage the presents.

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