Taking cheating husband back?

[Bettsy123]

Hi all,
I have previously posted about how my husband has been working away in another country. He had been away for a matter of weeks when he had cheated on me (at the time i was 7months pregnant at home) he had 2 one night stands and slept with another woman on more than one occasion). When i found out (the woman messaged me) he denied everything and continued to lie. I now know everything and he has come clean. On finding out i was sure that the marriage was over. I told my family and friends what he had done. Now i have had our daughter (1 week old) and i saw him after her birth for a few days so he could meet her and spend time with her before he had to go back abroad.
I expected to hate him, or to feel nothing. But i still love him and want to be with him. Saying goodbye to him this time was harder then when he first went and before he cheated. I know that my hormones will be everywhere with just having had the baby but I really want to give it another go.
I want him here all the time, but now my family and friends know and it will be so difficult. And what if the reality of it is terrible?

I am not afriad to be a single mum or to be on my own. I know i will be okay. I am going to take my time and see how i feel over the next few weeks and see what effort he puts in. Its hard because now he is abroad again for a few months.

Has anybody had any experience with this and how a relationship can even work after infidelity?

Don't take him back. The reasons you ended the relationship are still there.
What you are aching for is the relationship you thought you had. That was an illusion, you are grieving. Allow yourself to grieve for the dreams you had.
Desperately trying to make reality like the wishes in your head will not end well. Look at your child and think to yourself is this what you want to teach them about how relationships work?

@wavesmax you still can walk away. I left my ex (for other reasons) after 30 years, and my god it feels great.

I thought I would add my own experience.

My husband cheated in our first year of marriage by kissing another much younger girl whilst at work.
I found out by someone messaging me on Facebook. I wanted to kill them both and maybe myself!
We have 2 daughters who love him, he was and is a great dad. I chose to try to forgive him and keep our family together.
It is now 3 years later.
We are having another baby (I am 12 weeks pregnant.)
Do I trust him completely...no. Are we happy?.. yes. Do I think he would do it again?.. I don’t know.
I like to think he saw that he could have lost us all and would never jeopardise that again. I do think he changed, I think he is more appreciative of our life, I am definitely clearer in what I will tolerate and what I want.
I think about what he did sometimes but I think in the context of our life together my girls and our marriage are more important.
I think you need to wait until you are feeling less hormonal and really think about what you see 3 years down the line.

I hope this helps.
Feel free to message me.
I wish you both well whatever you decide.

A kiss, is a little different to shagging at least 3 other women, one of whom he shagged a few times that OP knows of.

It would be a big mistake if OP took him back.

In your opinion Mokoto.

We do not know him or her. I just do not think it’s helpful to tell someone what to do.

I was just offering a counter opinion from a slightly different perspective. I was definitely not advising her to take him back, especially at the moment when I think it would be hard not to be influenced by hormones.

This is an issue of how you feel about yourself rather than how you feel about him.

What you are aching for is the relationship you thought you had

Yup.

@Kimjeshe1983 you were going to top yourself because your husband snogged another girl? Dramatic much?

Hardly the affair of the century. Oh and FYI, your OP will just be hiding his tracks better. Once a cheater always a cheater. You took him back once after all 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think relationships can work after an infidelity if both parties want it too.

However one week post partum is not the time to be making life changing decisions. Your hormones are everywhere, your desire to make everything perfect for your baby is haywire and the connection to the person who help you create your baby can be exceptionally strong.

You decided to split with him for a huge reason. Don't go back on that until you are 100% sure that it's what you want and that you are doing it for the right reasons.

Enjoy your baby for now. If he wants you back he'll show you. Then you can decide.

Wow 😮

Thanks for the info on my marriage @thewfipasswordis it’s really supportive constructive and useful. I thought this was a forum for women to support, encourage and advise one another not a place for a bully to judge and make a pregnant woman feel bad about expressing her opinion!
I am gonna go back to enjoying my family and I really hope your life gets better in 2019 so you don’t feel the need to be a nasty troll for the rest of your life!