I give up. Why doesn't my baby settle on me but settles on DH?

[Gramz]

Feeling like a total failure right now.

DS (11 weeks) laughs and smiles at DH. Doesn't fuss when he holds him. Searches for him etc.

When I hold him he just freaks out and gets desperate for milk. It hurts and I just want him to give me the same smiles and giggles.

AIBU to be frustrated by this? Will it change? I'm just a milk machine at the moment, totally exhausted and DH gets all the good stuff :( so deflated...

It's just because you have milk. He loves and needs you, you are his world. Plenty of time in the future for non milk cuddles.

This was me bf. I honestly felt like a cow at times. Luckily dc took a dummy which helped with non feed cuddles or tbh I just fed to sleep and.got cuddles

It'll get better, he sounds like my little milk monster at that age. I used to think if I could take my boobs off and give them to someone else he wouldn't miss me at all. Now when I pick him up from nursery (he'll be 10 months tomorrow) his face lights up as soon as I walk him and he comes speeding over and wants cuddles.

You're doing a great job

Because you smell like food, it's not personal, but our 11 month old hasn't breastfed since 6 months old and daddy is still the obvious favourite

Walk in, not walk him. He's not a dog

It's probably because you smell of milk, and it gets them worked up. Mine were the same. Don't take it personally!

It's so frustrating. I don't want to be favourite. I just want him to be happy with me rather than stressed, feeding or asleep...

This is totally normal and won't last. I will say that you being anxious about it won't help. Babies are emotional sponges and pick up on your anxieties. Just relax and stop worrying because this is nothing to worry about.

I agree with the others, it’s the milk x

Try not to be deflated, it’ll come. He’s still only tiny and think of the comfort he gets from you. His milk and someone safe enough to fall asleep on! That’s a big deal to a tiny baby. :)

You’re so not a failure your body has grown him and kept him alive! You’re his everything x

It's just a shame. He'll never be this little again. Feel like I'm missing out.

I found this. The milk is definitely a factor. I think on top of that, DH was a lot warmer and is the calm one of us. I think a lot of the time I was sat there wanting to get on with other stuff or to just go to the loo, or something whereas DH would happily have any excuse to sit there holding a warm baby doing nothing. I have a very restless child so think the calmness was a big factor in him being able to settle down on DH better.

He's just done it again now. He's not hungry. Gets so fractious when I hold him. Hand him to DH and he's perfectly happy!

I have a four month old who was the same..It will switch one day and he will give you all the smiles. He gets all his comfort from you.

Totally okay for you to feel upset about this, OP. It's natural instinct for your LO though, just remember that - they can't help it x

My youngest DS was just the same with me. It's definitely the smell of the milk. He's 5 now and still tells me I smell lovely! You're his everything so please don't feel bad

Actually I remember my first born DS who is now 11. I could not, for the life of me, get him to smile at me when he was a baby. He smiled for everyone but not me. I was gutted and thought he didn't love me as much as his Dad or my parents. But of course it wasn't so and he's grown up to be so close to me and we have a very lovely relationship.

Gosh - ds2 was a Velcro baby. He wouldn’t settle or be held by anyone other than me.

I would have loved to have been in your position.

But I guess we’re never happy with what we have. Babies don’t make the distinction we do. You provide food, comfort and care. When your baby is with you he can see your dh. When he’s with your dh he isn’t distracted by everything you provide and focuses on dh.

I can imagine it must be difficult, but take what you can out of the situation and use your baby’s time with dh to look after yourself. Have a long bath or shower, sleep etc. All new you wouldn’t be able to do if your baby only wanted you.

I’d take as a compliment that your baby will settle for someone else.

I recall this stage, OP. My DS was a milk monster for a few weeks and we had to resort to OH doing all the settling until it passed.

It's tough, but take heart it will pass. You are in no way a failure xx

I’m glad I just stumbled upon this thread. My ds was like this with me until just last month (now 7 month old and I’m not breastfeeding anymore). It was so frustrating so I know how you feel he is now lovely and calm and I enjoy lots of lovely cuddles I feel I missed out on in the first months. It gets better xxx

My son was mostly bottle fed and he was still like this when he was really young. It used to come and go as well, so one week he'd be happy with me and screaming for his dad the next. It was frustrating but it changed when he was around four months (ish) old. He still has his "I only love dad" moments at two years old but I still get plenty of snuggles. I absolutely loved it when he was one and I used to get big sloppy kisses right on the mouth. 😁 It'll get easier OP.

Both my sons used to fall asleep in my Husbands arms and not mine..can't explain why, maybe his arms were just the right comfiness..It was lovely to see and meant I could make us both a cup of tea..😍