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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - 15 yo dd wants to spend NYE hanging about in the park

43 replies

waterandlemonjuice · 31/12/2018 17:07

I’ve said no, she and her friend are welcome in the house or our garden but that hanging about in a dark village park late at night is not on

She says what is my problem

AIBU?

OP posts:

lottiegarbanzo · 31/12/2018 17:42

Thing is, there is - still - a woeful lack of acceptable places to go for sociable teens of pre-drinking age. Depending on where you live. I find it so sad that this is still the case, because our culture is still so heavily constructued around alcoholic drinks, in many areas as it was when I was a teenager.

hibbledibble · 31/12/2018 17:43

Our village park sounds similar. There will be a few teens there tonight escaping families. As long as they are not drinking or smoking it doesn't bother me if mine go.

I would be very surprised if they weren't drinking and /or smoking (and taking drugs)

EmeraldShamrock · 31/12/2018 17:47

Definitely not. Events or meet ups like that are usually trouble, alcohol drugs and under age sex.

Even when I was a teen it was dangerous, never mind now with all the extra money and easy access teens have.

PookieDo · 31/12/2018 17:47

I am very anti night time park hanging out

Guess why? Because I did it and it honestly was a truely crappy/illegal debauched time in my life. My parents gave no fucks. I swore my main rule would be that there is none of this

My teen DC are in their rooms with their friends for sleepovers, watching scary films eating a ton of crap and sounding like they might come through the ceiling

SteakPie · 31/12/2018 17:49

It would be a no from me.

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 31/12/2018 17:50

As a 15 year old I went to the park with my 2litre bottle of frosty jacks, to drink loads, smoke weed, snog a boy.

Lets be honest, the park after dark is for drink, drugs and sex. That's what went down in our parks. Round me there was always a fight at some point as well on big nights such as NYE. I did it (not fight) but I probably wouldn't let a teenager, although I didn't actually tell my parents.

No one goes to the park on NYE just to chill.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 31/12/2018 17:56

I think her being honest with you is a good sign. Let her go but give her a curfew (12:30 as it’s new year?) and let her go. I say that as a teen mum, my mum restricting my social life had bugger all to do with me becoming a 15 year old mum. Her strictness and relentless nagging meant I couldn’t be honest with her or go to her when I had a problem. Let her go, let her know you’re trusting her and if she breaks that trust then it’s the last time you let her out after her usual curfew.

WorraLiberty · 31/12/2018 17:59

Being honest is a good sign, I agree.

However, maybe she was just worried someone in the village might spot her and word would get back to the OP?

lottiegarbanzo · 31/12/2018 18:01

Ok but where else is a 15yo supposed to go, to be 'out'?

It's a structural problem in my view [stern face]. A lack of appropriate provision for that age group, because the adults have failed them.

Upstairs room by themselves?

Moussemoose · 31/12/2018 18:01

If she is really lucky OP she might lose her virginity on a park bench!

Moominfan · 31/12/2018 18:06

Nope nope and nope

Foamybanana93 · 31/12/2018 18:16

Sounds like the little village I live in, we regularly at your dd age used to hang around the park with friends, she’s 15 I’m not too sure what the issue is, give her a set time she has to be home or get picked up ?

DanielleEvans · 31/12/2018 18:24

I'd compromise as she will resent you if you try and control her.

VaselineDion · 31/12/2018 18:28

The teens that hang about in the park near me shout abuse, drink and sniff those little gas canisters. Amongst other things.

Babyroobs · 31/12/2018 18:31

My ds 2 was doing this at 15. He's 17 now and has moved on to sitting in McDonalds half the night !

LakieLady · 31/12/2018 18:34

Do you have a dog, OP?

If so, I'd let her go, but take the dog to the park every 45 minutes or so to embarrass her see what she's up to.

But then I'm mean like that.

jessstan2 · 31/12/2018 18:37

Presumably she and her friend will be part of a group. Sounds quite normal to me for that age.

LakieLady · 31/12/2018 18:42

Ok but where else is a 15yo supposed to go, to be 'out'?

I misspent much of my teenage years in a bus shelter. It was a very nice bus shelter, with a long wooden bench, and it was double-sided. One side faced the road, and the other faced a little bit of public open space with shrubs and rose bushes, so it was very private. It was also right by an off-licence, which (luckily) had a very relaxed view of under-age drinking and smoking.

It's been pulled down now, they widened the road to improve the junction when they built a big Sainsburys. I was very sad when I saw it had gone.

In the tiny Somerset village my friend used to live, the teens used to congregate at the phone box. Unfortunately, it was right outside my friend's house!

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