To think it should be better?

[TroubledMuchly]

DH & I married for 2 years, together for 10.

He's so kind, trustworthy, generous, a great listener, happily shares the housework, never criticises me for anything, he's hardworking and we have the same outlook on life, same morals, etc.

But...he's not thoughtful (no birthday cards, presents or surprise meals booked, ever) or romantic. At all. He doesn't even like kissing. His sex drive is much lower than mine. He's not the most confident guy and sex is extremely...well, dull. I've tried clothes/toys etc but he's so awkward about it, it puts me off. I want it to be natural.

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable, that it's normal for any relationship to not be perfect and my expectations are too high and I just need to accept how he is.

And yes knew this before we married. We have talked about it and he said he agreed he could make effort. But the effort never happens. And everything else is so reliable about him, I push it under the carpet.

But now I'm falling over the friggin lump in the carpet.

I always feel it's unfair for people with higher sex drives to settle down with not so hot types and then complain and push.

Some people are just not that into it. Making an effort for people like that basically means faking it. If there are no medical issues causing a lower sex drive, sometimes it's just nature.

So your choice is either to manage as things are or leave. Or to keep pressuring him...and both be unhappy.

So...do you give birthday cards and presents OP, and do you arrange surprise meals?

Yeah I do cards / presents and book all the holidays, surprises, etc.

I honestly think sometimes guys don’t realise how simple things are, and they make everything harder emotionally.

Being together for 10 years is a long time, and people do get complacent, I understand your frustration completely and maybe think it’s worth re-addressing it with him. It’s great that he’s kind and listens to you, I think he may just need more direction.

Maybe say to him that each month you’d like to do something special for each other and together. The first month he has to plan it, the second month you do. That way then it’s balanced, and a starting point. Also get in his phone and add a reminder for your birthday a month before, a couple weeks before and the day and then there’s no excuses. If he doesn’t get you a card/ gift etc then I wouldn’t bother either.

I’m sure he just needs gentle persuasion. But please don’t lower your expectations for anyone, you deserve to be happy and celebrated.

Good advice on here. Honestly though is there ever a perfect husband?

Hey! I really think you should read the 5 love languages! Because from what it sounds like you have different love languages and you need to learn to speak each other's love languages.

From what you have said you sound like you are physical touch and receiving gifts, and from how you described your partner he isn't either of those.