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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

15 year old from Croydon to Guildford

72 replies

BlueBerryRep · 31/12/2018 13:47

DD wants to go out with a group of 8 friends to Guildford on the train to go ice skating or something in the afternoon. I said no because it’s too far and I can’t pick her up if something goes wrong. She said that I’m being ridiculous since I barely let her go out around Croydon with her friends and that most parents are already letting their kids go up to London alone. AIBU? Should I let her go?

OP posts:
Knowivedonewrong · 31/12/2018 14:16

I used to travel from Guildford to London for a week once a month for my YTS training. I was 15. Used to get the tube to Tottenham Court Road.

As said above if she's allowed out in Croydon then Guildford will be a doddle and I'm from Croydon.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/12/2018 14:23

Is there more to this? Special needs, dodgy mates, a history of not being where she says she is ......

Be pleased that she wishes to indulge in wholesome activities like ice skating and a train ride, could be a whole lot worse at 15.

easyandy101 · 31/12/2018 14:26

Are they not running the west Croydon to guildford train at the moment?

Might have been killed off with the new time table

jgjgjgjgjg · 31/12/2018 14:33

Why do you say you couldn't pick her up if necessary? It's about 30 miles and 45 minutes to an hour to Guildford by car depending on traffic. I regularly drop my eldest there for swimming galas from Croydon. Are your horizons normally so narrow?

trulybadlydeeply · 31/12/2018 14:37

Does she use public transport to and from school?

Barring any additional needs or disabilities there should be no reason why she shouldn't go. Even if she's not a confident traveller, she's going to be with 7 others. I'd be concerned if a NT 15 year old couldn't do this journey TBH.

Hope she goes, and has a lovely time.

Parker231 · 31/12/2018 14:37

Is there a reason why she hasn’t already traveled around with friends? My DT’s got the tube to school from age 11, as did many of their friends. I assume she has a mobile for any emergencies and to text you when she’s arrived ok?

LoniceraJaponica · 31/12/2018 14:39

I don't see what the problem is. She will be with a group of friends and they will have mobiles. Make sure they have The Trainline app on their phones so they can check train times and platforms.

I thought the strike action was on Saturdays only. It is round here and a right old PITA it is as well

Satsumaeater · 31/12/2018 14:46

SWR are on strike today but it should be ok on Thursday. However, the trains are massively unreliable so you do need a back-up plan. That said, if you go via Redhill you're not using SWR anyway.

Trudstrundr2 · 31/12/2018 14:46

Good learning opportunity here OP - next year she could decide to move out, join the army, have a child herself.. a but dramatic and unlikely maybe but she's on the edge of adulthood and how will she even learn to feel more comfortable about this sort of journey when you won't let her in a safeish scenario (with friends, preplanned train change etc)?

I think she's a bit old to have not done that type of train journey before tbh...

IsItCoffeeTimeYet · 31/12/2018 14:47

She should be doing journeys like this at her age. If this is the first of its kind though, you may want to start with letting her do shorter journeys first to build up to something like this.

I was commuting to school in Essex from London at 11 years old. 2 busses a tube and a train. Its fine if they've been shown how and are confident in doing so.
If you've driven her everywhere her whole life and she's never used a bus before then yes, this is probably too much for her!

With friends I reckon she'd be fine. Get her to give you one of the friend's numbers, and give yours to a friend. Just so you can stay in contact in case of a lost phone/dead battery.

MartaHallard · 31/12/2018 14:48

Why do you say you couldn't pick her up if necessary?

Perhaps op doesn't currently have access to a car? Or some other perfectly valid reason?

But I don't think the decision should be based on whether or not op can pick her up. What's the worst thing that's likely to happen? Trains being cancelled or delayed? At fifteen, dd and her mates should be learning how to cope with situations like that, and not having 'mum will pick me up' as the default solution. Because when they're eighteen and at university, mum won't be there to pick them up.

Jimdandy · 31/12/2018 14:49

Omg she’s 15 and you’re not letting her do that? No wonder kids don’t have a clue these days they’re not allowed to do anything!!

ReflectentMonatomism · 31/12/2018 14:51

They would have to swap trains at least once

Absent some drip feed about SEN, why would a 15 year old not be able to change trains?

ReflectentMonatomism · 31/12/2018 14:54

Some years ago I sacked someone (graduate) who claimed that they couldn't travel to London by train because they had never done it before, it would be dangerous and their mother said he shouldn't, but he might be able to if someone went with him the first time. It wasn't his first transgression, but it was the considerable straw that broke the camel's back.

I wondered at the time where people like that came from. Reading MN now shows me exactly where they come from.

BlingLoving · 31/12/2018 14:54

Yup - agree with everyone else. I think it's crazy that she's not allowed to do this. I would have thought one of the great things about living in Croydon is the fantastic travel links to all over, which would make letting your children have a bit more independence feel a lot less scary than if you live in some sleepy backwater with one train a day and no busses.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 31/12/2018 14:57

I was an average teenager - averagely bright, reasonably responsible, not above the occasional stupid teenage decision but generally resourceful and I would have been perfectly capable of doing that journey at 15. At 16, I flew internationally by myself (including train to the airport, finding the gate, checking in, passport control, etc) so Croydon to Guildford seems no big deal.

However, I don't know your daughter - is she neurotypical, does she get anxious, does she have a track record of panicking, do you think her friends will stick together and help each other out?

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 31/12/2018 14:57

Good grief, let her go, she's 15 not 5. Changing trains is getting off one train, checking which platform you need and getting on the train - it's not rocket science. No wonder they say kids are cosseted these days.

InsomniacAnonymous · 31/12/2018 14:57

I was going on the train to London on my own at 12, (and living on my own in London at 16) so I can't imagine why a 15 yr old wouldn't be capable of such a short journey.

Oblomov18 · 31/12/2018 14:58

Sounds perfectly fine. My eldest ds, the same age does similar trips, in our area, which is very similar to the 2 areas you mention.

Seeline · 31/12/2018 14:58

My 14 yo has been from Croydon up to London with friends shopping, and to Gloucester by train with a friend. My 16 yo regularly goes up to London for concerts etc with friends too. I like them to keep in touch so that I know they have arrived safely, and when they are moving on/ heaving etc. I think YABU if your DD wants to go.

Shednik · 31/12/2018 14:59

Next year she could decide to go to the other side of the world and you won’t be able to stop her. At 15 you’re being unreasonable.

Confuzzlediddled · 31/12/2018 15:01

My 15 year olds travelled from Leeds to Ayr this week, including a change in Glasgow - and back again. I would definitely let her go!

LongWalkShortPlank · 31/12/2018 15:01

Let her go, tell her the compromise is find your friend on her phone and loosen the reins a little bit.

WakeMeUpWhenGoodOmensIsOn · 31/12/2018 15:09

Why Guildford? But apart from that: sure, even my non-NT fifteen year old would have been able to manage a trip by train in daylight with a bunch of friends and a charged mobile phone. Sounds pretty low risk to me.

Binkyboi · 31/12/2018 15:13

I didn’t come home for days on end at this age! In my experience the friends I had that were super-cosseted went a bit crazy when they were finally let off the lead so probably not a bad idea to teach her a bit more independence.