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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with shit "friends"

9 replies

SofaKingFedUp · 31/12/2018 10:38

From 2013 to 2017 I spent 6 months in summer abroad working/holidays so winter time I when I was at home I was working 6 days a week to save money for my summers. I generally didn't go out much while at home, mainly because it was cold and I was trying to save money. But there were some people I would meet up with every few weeks. I have friends who live quite far away, few hours on the train away, I met during summer and we meet up every summer.
Last year I fell pregnant with my boyfriend who used to travel with me, we'd been together 5 years until he left me at 5 months pregnant. Whatever shit happens.
All The (very few) friends I had told me they would be there for me of I needed but most live far away so obviously don't see them often.
I went back to the place I usually went in summer this year with my DD to meet my friends (she was born in April) but nobody was really interested in meeting me, they'd come for about half hour that's it. Only one person made an effort.
One friend borrowed money off me when I was pregnant and then basically disappeared when I asked for it back as my DD was born and we agreed she'd pay me back then.
One friend loves about and hour and a half away on the train, I went down for her birthday for one night a few months ago and my mum looked after DD. She promised me she'd come up and visit me and DD but every week keeps asking when I'm coming back down to see her, I ask when she's coming up here and she says she has no money, yet expects me to have more even though I have a child and she doesn't.
Another I never hear from any more, if I text her I'll get one reply days after my message, and then nothing.
Another, who actually lives close to me, has only ever "had time" for 3 meet ups since DD was born 8 months ago. Even though when i was 6 months pregnant I walked for 45 mins in thick snow to go meet her because her boyfriend was being a dick and her family live elsewhere, and then again when I was 8 months pregnant her gran died I went to her house at midnight, even though I had work the next day. Like I don't mind cos this is what friends do, but 2 months ago she text me tp say she was moving back home and we need to meet up, so I said as I'm on maternity I am free all the time so just let me know when she's free. No reply, text her again she said she'll see when she's free, she moves on the 2nd Jan. Yesterday she uploaded pictures of her and 2 girls we worked with, having fun and drinks, so I text her last night asking of she has time to meet and she replied with "really sorry but I don't" I went through a really tough time a few of months ago, and she told me she would be there, but everytime I text to meet up she is busy.
Other friends and eve b family are expecting me to travel on trains for hoirs to go see them but nobody will come to me. It seems people only come to me when they need it and I'm really fed up. I want to just cut everyone out but I have no friends and I already feel lonely.
How do I meet new friends at this age? Especially with babies?
AIBU to just cut everyone out? Am I over reacting? I'm just feeling a bit sad recently as the only person I have is my mum, which is great, but I would love to just go out and socialise without DD sometimes. I feel like there is no such thing as a good friend anymore. I would do anything to help anyone but it's like no-one will do the same back. And I don't ask for much, just company.

OP posts:
trooth · 31/12/2018 10:45

Ah bless you. Unfortunately I also found that when we had children that we dropped off lots of friend radars. It can feel quite lonely can't it. My husband works shifts so I don't really see him for 5 days at a time.

Whereabouts do you live? Are there any baby groups around? I'm also looking to meet new people (sounds like dating haha) so I've recently joined a mum & baby exercise program. Once my toddler goes back to nursery I'll be taking my 8 month old.

Sarahandduck18 · 31/12/2018 10:54

Childless friends do disappear when you have a dc.

Find some mummy friends

KarmaStar · 31/12/2018 10:55

They are not your friends op.
Yes,but them out of your life and make a new circle of friends closer to home.
Maybe at parent and baby groups,or if that's not your thing,search the notice boards at your library for any like minded groups.
Hopefully you will soon make some real friends and be happier.Flowers

SofaKingFedUp · 31/12/2018 11:28

It's just annoying because if I post a picture of DD they all comment saying stuff like "auntie _ misses you and cant wait to see you" but they make no effort to visit us.
@trooth i live in Edinburgh. I take DD to swimming lessons, and there's a new baby and toddler group starting near my house so maybe I'll try it.
Hopefully it works, I just get anxious going to new places but I'll try and suck it up x

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 31/12/2018 11:37

I know the feeling. I have childless friends but I don't see them often. I have made a few friends with kids and I see a lot more of them as it's easier to meet up and do things based around the children.
You will probably find you have more in common with friends with kids. It's important not to lose your sense of self when you have kids but it does change you, your priorities are different and therefore it's good to have friends who are in a similar position.

trooth · 31/12/2018 11:46

Ah I love Edinburgh - I worked there for 6 months about 8 years ago, keep meaning to get back up there!

If we were closer I would have suggested a mummy-baby date. If you need any "virtual" support or a place to vent send me a message we can exchange numbers, we're probably going through similar things with an 8 month old each! x

DisplayPurposesOnly · 31/12/2018 11:59

Childless friends do disappear when you have a dc.

Grrr. Crap childless friends, yes. Others, no.

Sorry that your friends have let you down, OP.

Holidayshopping · 31/12/2018 12:06

How do I meet new friends at this age?

You haven’t said how old you are, have you?

It sounds like you were living quite a ‘young person’ lifestyle -working abroad for the summer and working 6 days a week all winter, so were you working with lots of young childless people? Often you do see childless people a bit less when you have kids as your lives are quite different for a while. Go to some baby groups, meet some new people.

My kids are all older now but a lot of the people I go out with now in the evenings are people I met through having my children.

SofaKingFedUp · 31/12/2018 12:30

@Holidayshopping i am 28. I guess I was living a young lifestyle, although not immaturley. I spent my time abroad doing worthwhile things, sightseeing etc, not gettin wasted everynight, although I did drink alot more there than I would at home Smile it was my boyfriend that introduced me to that sort of lifestyle, which even though he's a dickhead for what's he did, if it wasn't for him I would probably never have worked abroad, so I can thank him for that I guess.
There are a couple of friends who have had babies around the same time as me, actually my brothers gf had a baby 4 months before me and I thought it would've brought us closer but it's almost done the opposite.

@trooth Edinburgh is lovely! I do like it here, I'm not Orignally from here but have been up here about 6 years now. That's kind of you, thank you!

The swimming classes I went to just so happened to be full of grandmum and grandads taking their grandchildren Blush which is not a bad thing, they are lovely people but I don't have much in common with them, you know.

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