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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have said something on this flight?

26 replies

Shadow1986 · 30/12/2018 23:07

Guy on my flight in the row in front, travelling with wife and teenage daughter (14 I overheard). I spent 4 hours listening to him being verbally abusive to his family, swearing constantly. I had my earphones on and it was loud enough to hear him still. Eventually after I witnessed him swearing in his teenagers face again, while yanking her headphones off her head aggressively getting her hair all caught, I stood up and asked him what he was doing, and did he realise how many small children were sitting near him having to listen to his constant swearing. Told him I didn’t want to hear anymore of it. He apologised but then called me a mug under his breathe. This then lead to a bit of a row which nearly got him taken off the flight. Doubting myself whether I should have just stayed quiet, I could have caused the flight to have been diverted (well he could) but my blood was boiling listening to it for so long.

OP posts:
ChrisjenAvasarala · 30/12/2018 23:09

Sometimes you just can’t hold back. It’s always a tough one as you don’t know how they will react towards you, and you’ll get a lot of people saying you should mind your own, but I’d have spoken up in that situation as well.

It all worked out in the end and the flight wasn’t diverted. My guess is the mother doesn’t stand up to him so their daughter won’t have seen him being told off for being abusive. Today she did. Maybe it will stay with her.

springchicken123 · 30/12/2018 23:10

Good on you for calling him out! Yes it could've resulted in the flight being diverted but it didn't so no point thinking about that

Original poster
Shadow1986 · 30/12/2018 23:10

Just to add wife/daughter we’re doing nothing whatsoever to antagonise him. He was just bullying them. Wasn’t like the teenager was being cheeky and deserved it etc. They both just seemed numb to it and didn’t react.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 30/12/2018 23:11

Well done! Most people wouldn't have been that brave! Maybe he'll shut the fuck up next time.

OttilieKnackered · 30/12/2018 23:11

I had a similar experience when a man was acting like that towards his wife (who was trying to care for their baby). I was a bit too far away to be sure I wasn’t misinterpreting the situation but he looked like he was threatening her/getting in her face.

Luckily two ladies who were right behind them must have heard more because I saw them talking to the air stewards and when we came off the flight he was met by two police, the absolute cunt.

You did the right thing and you were brave.

greendale17 · 30/12/2018 23:11

Good for you- you did the right thing. I would have done the same.

Consolidateyourloins · 30/12/2018 23:13

Well done for speaking up. You may have given his wife and dd something to think about.

Too many people would have stayed quiet but I would have done the same as you.

Original poster
Shadow1986 · 30/12/2018 23:17

Thanks all, makes me feel better. I had to write a statement, and I was still unsure whether police would be there to meet him but they weren’t. The wife apparently said she was fine. Poor woman. And poor child. He was saying things to the teenager like ‘you wait till we get off this fucking flight you’ll be fucking sorry’ and verbally attacking her when she was just trying to chill out. And then in the next breathe he would be getting her in quite an aggressive but jokey headlock - she must not know if she’s coming or going.

OP posts:
Cauliflowersqueeze · 30/12/2018 23:21

That’s horrific.

I always dream these absolute shits of bullies end up in a prison being seriously assaulted by the biggest angriest thug going. There’s always someone bigger than them. Repulsive bastard.

Handprints2018 · 30/12/2018 23:29

Yanbu at all. At least someone stood up to him and showed that he he was doing wrong.

The airline should have called the police though to meet him at the other end. Verbal abuse and headlocks on the teen...i would write in a complaint that no one raised that flag.

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/12/2018 23:33

That's horrendous, well done for speaking up

lottiegarbanzo · 30/12/2018 23:34

Well done you.

I think there are two issues, the swearing and the abuse.

If travelling with a child, I would have spoken up about the swearing much earlier. It's just not acceptable in a mixed adult/child public space. I see that as a straightforward 'factual' point (and am susprised staff hadn't already asked him to desist).

The abuse is more subjective and emotive.

Eliza9917 · 30/12/2018 23:40

Hopefully he didn't beat the shit out of the wife or both of them when they got where they were going.

michwright · 30/12/2018 23:41

You did the right thing, maybe the bully will think twice next time he wants to act this way

Original poster
Shadow1986 · 30/12/2018 23:42

Eliza9917 thanks for that. It did cross my mind whether I’d have made it worse for them.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 30/12/2018 23:45

Probably best to speak to the flight attendants in that situation. If you'd ended up in a fight with him, you could have found yourself arrested.

Redshoeblueshoe · 31/12/2018 00:01

Shadow you did the best you could do. Be proud of yourself. What ever happens next to them is not your responsibility

FrogFairy · 31/12/2018 00:16

If he behaves like that in front of a plane full of witnesses, just imagine what he does behind closed doors.

I hope his wife/partner finds the strength to leave him.

Ampersandcolon · 31/12/2018 00:19

We can't think like eliza9917 because then we'd do nothing, ever. Far better to call it out and know that you are very likely adding to the evidence that will one day propel that woman out of that relationship

NotTerfNorCis · 31/12/2018 00:35

I think you did the right thing. People like that need to be challenged.

wavesmax · 31/12/2018 00:36

If anyone is in a similar situation please record what you can. Audio/video You might provide evidence that could help even if you use it anonymously.

userofthiswebsite · 31/12/2018 00:40

You have good morals, well done to you.

StoppinBy · 31/12/2018 00:42

Good on you - wish more people did this!

My mother once slapped my sister (a few times because she half missed the first couple of time) across the face when she was 10, we were walking through a train station at the time, a lady pulled her up on it and told her she would call the police if she did it again.

I will always remember that, along with all the other people like our neighbours who just shut their doors if they heard yelling and screaming coming from our house (that went along with all the hitting, pushing, hair pulling, locking us out of the house at night and banging our heads together if we were squabbling (she is my twin)) so they could pretend it wasn't happening.

If no one challenges the behaviour it will just continue, so thank you and good on you again!

SundayGirls · 31/12/2018 00:51

Stoppin I'm sad that happened to you. Flowers My DM was also a bit handy with the slaps (not as bad as what you describe though) but she was verbally abusive in public. A lady once said quietly to me in a shop after my DM had yelled at me for nothing that it was unacceptable and wrong to do that. It didn't change my mum of course but it made me feel stronger inside that a stranger thought DM was out of order (because DM always believed she was right on everything). I've never forgotten it.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 31/12/2018 00:51

I sat behind a couple on a flight where the woman was behaving so appallingly towards the man that I felt sick watching it. I saw her slap him, try to bite him and attempt to break his phone as well as constant swearing in his face. When we got off the plane I saw him standing alone briefly so I went to ask if he was OK and he just sort of shrugged and laughed like it was one big joke but I felt so, so awful for him. Well done for saying something, OP.